Facebook Fail-Log: May Edition

Senior Contributor
05.17.11 5 Comments

Last month on the Fail-log, we had drunk babies, badly translated tattoos, and some confusion over the visual abilities (and choice of instrument) of Stevie Ray Vaughn. Has the idiocy of Facebook improved at all in the intervening month? No…no, it really hasn’t.
And the latest ten arguments for wiping all life off of Earth, courtesy of Lamebook and Failbook, are…

You know, there’s getting shot down in person, and then there’s getting shot down in front of everybody you know. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: keep your statuses specific, people!
There are many reasons to loathe the aging of the Boomers; the willful forgetting of all the crappy music they put at the top of the charts, the inevitable financial apocalypse their retiring will trigger, the desperate attempts to keep control of pop culture even though they don’t understand computers. But above all, we’re really sick of this tiresome routine about how they weren’t such spoiled, whiny little bitches when they were kids, when there’s reams of evidence to the contrary.
So, thanks, you greened-out person. You’ve done us all a service.
“What happens in Vegas stays on your Facebook page” OR “This is why auto-checkin of your location is a very bad idea.”
We wonder who the Mayor of Clark County Correctional is…

On the one hand, yes, if alcoholism runs in the family, this kid, excuse me “college man”, is a complete jackass and will probably die alone with Night Train as his only friend.
On the other hand, my mother calling me “college man”, let alone on Facebook in front of my friends, would drive me to alcoholism too.
So what you’re saying is, the world would be better off without you and that you deserve to die?
Yeah, sounds about right. Remember, it’s down the block, not across the street.
So, the plan is to embarrass the entire country with your blithering stupidity and make him quit in disgust? Or maybe make all his voters leave out of shame for being in the same country with you?
A serious question: have these people never seen a gallon of milk and a 2 liter of soda next to each other?

“Hi, mom!”
No, guys, I’m fairly sure he was deliberately ignoring you. Or maybe you’re going to wake up to a sticky surprise.
What? Those masks are like glue.
Seriously, what’s wrong with America that a fine upstanding (well, kneeling) American woman can’t go down on her boyfriend in a semi-private place? Or a total stranger with twenty bucks and a campus access pass? What kind of police state has this country become?
So, is alcoholism inherited from the parents, in this case, or the children?
And that’s the Fail-log for this month. Remember, folks: keep your statuses clean, Google whatever you don’t know, and think before you hit that return k
Dammit!

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