The actual story of the Bella Twins is that they’re former novelty swimsuit models who were desperate to get on a reality show — they were on an episode of Fox’s Meet My Folks, for example — and parlayed that desperation into a 5-year run as pretty people WWE could send to WWE-related press events. They were also wrestlers, kind of. They spent some of 2012 and 2013 trying to be celebrities outside of wrestling, but you know how that goes, and they ended up returning pretty quickly. On the second run they got into real-life relationships with popular wrestlers (John Cena and Daniel Bryan) and showed a ton of improvement, but they’d achieved their dream of being reality stars on the WWE-themed Total Divas and it all kinda plateaued. Now one of them is a Fired Wife character and the other dresses as a sexy baseball player.
The BELLA TWINS version of the Bella Twins story is that they are the best and most important professional wrestlers in history. Also, they are starchildren with incredible emotions.
Nikki Bella (the sexy baseball player that dates John Cena) gave an interview with The Daily Star yesterday about how hard she works, how great she is and how perfect her relationship remains, and as a guy who makes fun of wrestling semi-professionally I felt obligated to share with you some of my favorite quotes.
Feel free to yell COME ONNN NIKKIIIIII after all of these.
“We’ve been part of the company for seven years. When new girls come in and they don’t have respect, it causes drama and we can butt heads.”
*seven non-consecutive years
One of the most interesting things about pro wrestling is that you show respect to veterans, even if the veterans have never had respect for pro wrestling. “Being around a long time” shouldn’t really make you a veteran, especially when the lion’s share of your time in the business has been spent dressing up like Sexy Mrs. Claus and acting super impressed by special guest star Clark Duke from Hot Tub Time Machine. Many of the “new girls” — particularly the ones coming up now like Paige, Becky Lynch or Bayley — have experience and an understanding of etiquette that blows the Bellas out of the water. It’s the whole “The Miz being Daniel Bryan’s pro on NXT season 1″ thing, but in real life. And CONSTANTLY.
“I get really proud and say, ‘I’m a wrestler. I kick butt, so in your face!’ I’ve got moves you’ve never seen before.”
“Like that dropkick where I can only get one foot up.”
On John Cena:
“He’s so strong and different. I am truly the luckiest girl in the world. I’ve found my soul mate. He’s so romantic that we’ve even reenacted The Notebook.”
“He’s so romantic, we did a romantic thing somebody wrote for us on a reality show.” Who knew that an extremely unrealistic woman would find her soulmate in an extremely unrealistic man with the same job?
“We train our butts off and follow a strict nutrition plan. It’s these little things that help separate the top from the bottom.”
Nikki admits that, despite John’s “hard man image”, deep down he’s a real softie.
“I’m fortunate that when John and I started dating he introduced me to the world of lifting weights. I’d shied away from it as it’s blokey, blah, blah, but John showed me that’s false.”
The use of “blokey” makes me wonder if the Daily Star talked to Nikki at all, or if this is one of those old Pro Wrestling Illustrated gags where they SAY Ric Flair stopped by their offices, but you know they’re full of shit.
“Being in the entertainment industry, as a woman, you’re looked at and you’re judged. I don’t think people realise how tough it is. It affected me in the beginning. I guess it made me feel a little insecure so my mum told me to stop reading stuff online.”
Sorry, Nikki’s mum.
Nikki and Brie are part of the Be A STAR (Show Tolerance And Respect) campaign, which wants to ensure no one is treated unfairly because of their race, gender, religion or sexual orientation. And Nikki is passionate about being a strong role model for her young fans.
“I always think, ‘If I had a little girl, who would I want her to look up to?’
What do you even type here? Here, this. This is my response: