“RAP IS CRAP” Music Video Debuts –
This. Guys. This is the greatest musical endeavor in wrestling history. You can keep your “Piledriver” and R-Truth butchering our ears and even Tyler Breeze’s MTV Awards. This is magic. We get Curt Hennig on the mic singing about Willie Nelson and how much rap sucks. Barry friggin’ Windham on the drums. A crowd of maybe 18 people. And a song that’s so infectious that it turned the would-be bad guys into crowd favorites immediately. Hennig had an illustrious career as Mr. Perfect in the WWF and his legendary AWA run, but you can’t mention any of his accomplishments without mentioning this video. The song legitimately got played on Country stations and in my brain for the last 15 years. I swear this is video alone is probably one of the top 10 moments in WCW history and you’re a Communist if you disagree.
I literally think of this song and video every time a sh*tty rapper is on the radio. So, you know, always. Master P and No Limit Records had a fantastic run, but they never reached the musical heights of the West Texas Rednecks.
Bash At The Beach 1999 – Big Swoll Debuts, Wears Reverse F*cking Braids:
The blowoff match to the feud featured the West Texas Rednecks (with full southern accents in tow) taking on The No Limit Soldiers – Rey, Konnan, BIG SWOLL and…Brad Armstrong. Maybe they figured jive talking Black stuff was a family trait.
The match starts with Konnan on the mic doing his pre-match ritual which now includes: “you guys are going to bow down, toss our salads and peel our potatoes.” I have literally zero words for that.
Rey then goes “shout out to the Shadow Lounge for keeping it real! Now give me the call of the soldier…HOOTY HOOOOOO!” And he dresses like this.
But this match is all about BIG SWOLL and how horrible he is at the wrestlings. Also, he’s wearing reverse f*cking braids. Braids that start at the back of his head and end at his forehead. I had corn rows in high school and college. I saw a lot of people wear braids. I’ve never seen this sorcery before in my entire life. He looks like he got put in one of those automatic hair dressers from the Jetsons and someone spun the chair around too fast.
The match is another whatever bout as it’s elimination and goes on for 10 minutes too long. In the end, Rey uses BIG SWOLL’S shoulders to jump on Hennig for the win and we never hear from these two groups on PPV again.
So in the end, what did we learn, kids?
1. It’s not a great idea to push a group of Black rappers that outnumber a group of country singers as the good guys in a feud that takes place in front of a deep south audience.
2. BIG SWOLL is a thing that happened.
3. Rey Mysterio saying “keeping it real” is the most uncomfortable thing ever. Only if you forget that Konnan says he wants opponents to toss his salad.
4. HOOTY HOOOOOOOO.
5. Curt Hennig is a national goddamn treasure.