Best: Well, If You’re Going To Be Racist Anyway…
Speaking of the new angry black guy stable, I guess I don’t hate them? Not yet? Stables formed as a passive-aggressive response to WWE being criticized, from the Right to Censor on up, are the worst. That said, WWE mindlessly makes all their black wrestlers team together anyways — may as well make it official and give them some sort of guiding mission. Also, the “Xavier Woods is going for his doctorate!” talking point is finally being put to good use.
The Kofi/Big E vs. Slater/O’Neil match itself was, well, interesting. They didn’t actually go for the Horseman Beatdown because apparently Main Event isn’t important enough for a Titus O’Neil turn, but it was certainly odd to see Kofi Kingston playing heel. As far as relentlessly squeaky-clean WWE babyfaces go, Kofi puts even John Cena to shame, so him chopping the shit Titus and stomping dudes into oblivion was a bracing sight. I absolutely, 100% reserve the right to turn on the angry black guy stable as soon as this week’s Smackdown, but I’m reserving my bile for now.
Main Event Status: It’s the battle of the jobbers to the stars vs. the uh, just plain jobbers. I’ll give this one a nickel.
Best: Alright, Yeah, I’ll Take That
Heath Slater ain’t gonna turn down any comparisons to the majestic albatross, no sir! World’s largest wingspan? Traveling 10,000 miles in a single flight? No record of one ever being pinned by Torito? F*ck yeah, boyee!
Best: Swagger/Rusev II
Lana’s top bun is getting bigger and bigger. Soon she’ll have more sock than hair.
I didn’t watch the Battleground Swagger/Rusev match, because Battleground, but this rematch was pretty damn solid stuff. Swagger worked over the ankle in some unique ways — using a toss over the top rope to hurt the ankle was smart (those over the top spills are what actually kill guys ankles). Then Swagger broke the streak! Well, it was by DQ, but still! Usually I’d be annoyed by a DQ finish, but how often do you see a DQ caused by an international object that’s actually an international object?
All Bests show! Take that guy who leaves “Do you even like wrestling?” comments on everything I write!
Main Event Status: Rusev is the latest big lug being built up for a future AA-ing, and Jack Swagger is Jack Swagger, but this is the most heated feud in the company now, so we’ll say this is a third of a legit main event.
Final Main Event Tally: Let’s see, .25 + .1 + .05 + .33 (yup, real math this week!) = 73%. I’ll add a bonus of, let’s say, 12% for it being an all-Bests show, so this episode of Main Event made it 85% of the way towards earning it’s title. Keep climbing that ladder Main Event!