Have Bray Martha Marcy May Marlene a pretty lady, and watch the WWE Universe lose their sh*t.
He Needs to Start Recruiting
It may have only lasted a couple weeks, but Bray Wyatt’s recruitment of Daniel Bryan was far and away the best storyline Bray’s been involved in since being called up. Why? Because, unlike most Bray storylines, it felt like it had some consequence.
Bray is great at cutting these intimidating, portentous promos, but unfortunately WWE is mostly a consequence-free zone. What’s the worst Bray can do? Win a wrestling match or title that doesn’t really matter? Inflict some neutered PG-level violence?
But if Bray were more into recruiting, fans would have something tangible to fear from him. His promos wouldn’t just be scary words. Fans don’t want to see their favorites in color-coded jumpsuits. They don’t want to see them drinking the Wyatt Kool-Aid. Bryan kneeing Bray in the fact and becoming the real Daniel Bryan again was arguably more cathartic than him winning both world championships at Wrestlemania. Let’s tap into that feeling again.
Bray Needs To Stay in That Rocking Chair
Bray Wyatt wrestles too much. Right now he’s in so many six-mans with the Harper and Rowan he comes off as the talker in a threesome of equals. He’s Dean Ambrose, not the all-powerful master of manipulation he should be.
Bray should almost never get out of his rocking chair, and when he does, he should just wreck people. Destroy them in the most graphic way 2014 WWE allows. He should never be just another guy on the apron.
He Needs To Stop With the F-cking Song
I’m never singing along to your stupid song, Bray. Well, that’s not entirely true — maybe if you change from singing Got The Whole Wide World In My Hands to I’d Go The Whole Wide World.
So, what do you folks think? What can be done to improve Bray Wyatt’s character? Think he’s greasy haired perfection and I’m just hillbilly hatin? Either way, feel free to hit the comments and give me an earful.