Best: The Best “Writing Somebody Off So They Can Go Film A Movie” Match Ever
A night after having the best lumberjack match in wrestling history, Ambrose and Rollins tear the house down in a DO ANYTHING YOU WANT match. That stipulation was chosen by you, the WWE Universe!
This is the kind of Raw WWE needs to hold as a template for its next year-or-so of shows. Not in the specifics — God knows WWE Creative’s white board doesn’t need any more permanent marker — but in style and presentation. Raw shouldn’t be afraid to do something different. Open our eyes. Have Kane suddenly reveal A PILE OF CINDERBLOCKS in the main event of your ridiculous wrestling show. If you’ve got guys who’ve been in a CZW Tournament Of Death, hell, use that. Powerbomb them onto a bed of chairs. Have them superplex a guy through a table. Do table runs with planchas into the crowd and curbstomps into Jerry Lawler’s spilled Mountain Dew. Go crazy. Right now you’re at a crucial point in your development as a product where you can maintain the boring, by-the-numbers status quo that’s made you a cultural afterthought since 2003, or you can close your eyes and leap into something new.
With so much focus on Roman Reigns and his shifty ability to speak or actively participate in singles matches, it’s good to see Dean and Seth main-eventing Raw. You don’t have to worry about them. They have their faults as much as anyone, but they’re EXCITING AS SHIT, and the one thing your show desperately, desperately needs is EXCITING AS SHIT. That’s it, isn’t it? You don’t need my booking decisions, you don’t need to push x and de-push y, you don’t need to sign this guy or fire this guy or bring up somebody else. You just need to take what you have and make that shit EXCITING.
The main event was absolutely that. This was pay-per-view quality in that phrase’s best definition on free TV, and not only was it great, it moved the stories forward: Ambrose got taken out so he could go film his movie, and Rollins got a strong win over his blood rival in the scummiest way possible, setting him up for a month of hatable pro graps and a lame duck Money in the Bank briefcase. Even Kane felt strong and relevant. Why don’t we do this all the time?
Best: Dean Ambrose Gets Bricked
SEE ZEE DUB
SEE ZEE DUB
SEE ZEE DUB
Have fun making Lockdown, Dean. When you randomly show up again in two months and stop Rollins from cashing in on somebody it’s gonna be the best. I hope you get to make out with Moon Bloodgood or whichever F-list beautiful actress they get to play your wife in peril.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
You know…Seth’s Promo had heart, but “Bucket to the Face” had a bucket to the face…
You’d think Brock would be fatter if he does so much eating and sleeping
Suplex and repeat were in a boat. Suplex fell out. Who was left?
for (var suplexCount = 0; suplexCount <= 16; suplexCount++)
console.log ("Suplex. Repeat.") ;
Dolph Ziggler World Champion
JBL: Where’s Zeb?
Michael Cole: Zeb’s dead, baby. Zeb’s dead.
I’m following the buzzards right now, Bray. They’re trailing Ric Flair.
“Cortana, the next time I’m near John Cena, remind me to German Suplex him.”
So this is what it would look like if Snake Plissken and Ponyboy Curtis beat the shit out of each other, it’s beautiful.
The table countered Dirty Deeds with Sturdy Deeds
By ignoring his friend in trouble Roman Reigns has become a true WWE babyface.
Thanks, everybody. See you next week. Or, you know, throughout the week because you like this website.