The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 8/25/14: A Womb Of One’s Own

By: 08.26.14

Worst: Were You Aware That JOHN CENA

The problem with Hulk Hogan types losing matches is that they’ve got enough pull or whatever to become EVEN STRONGER. If Hogan doesn’t have the WWF Championship and doesn’t main-event WrestleMania once, a Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna title match ends with Hogan showing up and beating Yokozuna in seconds. If Cena loses clean to Daniel Bryan, he comes back crazy fast and wins the World Heavyweight Championship from Alberto Del Rio like he was squashing Heath Slater on Raw. If Cena loses to Brock Lesnar, his next Raw appearance is him winning two matches and ending the show by hitting three dudes with his finishing move. Stomp stomp stomp, pose pose pose. “Those who second guessed John Cena may have to think again!” We don’t even let him stew in it for a MINUTE. He’s just instantly SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYONE AND ANYONE WHO THOUGHT HE WASN’T IS STUPID, PLEASE LOOK AT JOHN CENA EVERYONE.

It’s just creatively frustrating. One guy makes it, so everyone else becomes supplementary. Cena doesn’t need three weeks of being unstoppable to “prove” that he can beat Brock Lesnar. He’s got his entire career. He’s got a victory over Lesnar. He’s known as the guy who overcomes all the odds and wins at all the pay-per-views … it’s why him LOSING was such a game-changing shocker. Why we got optimistic about shit. It was an impossibility, and then it happened. Now they have to go “sorry it happened, we’ll clean that up” and scurry back to business as usual.

If that’s not the payoff, I will happily, happily apologize for being such a pessimist. But that IS the payoff, and if Cena DOES lose at Night Of Champions, it’ll be “because” something. Interference, the ref not counting his visual pin, something. And Jesus take the wheel for whoever has to face him on Raw the next night.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night


I missed six episodes of the Simpsons for that.


“You either fold, or you get better.”

Welcome to the Fold Era.


The WWE is like a monkey’s paw. Every time they do an interesting change it has unforseen and terrifying consequences.


RAW has been pretty lackluster. At least next week we’ll be able to relive switching over to Nitro


“Stay out of it old man!”
”I’m not old! I’m …blurgh” heart attack, dies


“”Congratulations Damien Sandow you’re our new Intercontinental Champion!” is what I’d be saying to you if you weren’t an inch too short. NEXT.”

Harry Longabaugh

Two weeks ago, Roman and Dean went to see a hypnotist show at the Magic Castle. “Roman, when I snap my fingers you will forget the existence of your friend Dean until you hear the magic phrase ‘I built the Shield.’”


Ambrose crawls out of the podium, dazed and confused about how he ended up on the floor.

Big Baby Yeezus

“As per his will, Dean Ambrose has bequeathed his titty mastering to me”- Seth Rollins


This Hall of Fame Panel can also serve as a demonstration of how to conceal one’s male pattern baldness.

Thanks, everybody. Share the column, and I’ll see you next week. If not … enjoy Bleacher Report Guy’s Hits And Misses Of WCW Monday Nitro.

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