Celebrate ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin’s 50th Birthday With His Best Musical Moments

On this day (WHAT) in the year of 1964 (WHAT), a boy named Steven Anderson was born in a Texas hamlet known as Victoria (WHAT). Anderson would grow up playing football like most kids in Texas, or so stereotypes have led us to believe, but around the age of 25, he’d make a decision that would change our lives and one spectacular industry forever. It was in 1989 that Anderson decided to try his hand at professional wrestling, and the rest is all well-documented history, because that random dude would grow up to become, among other nicknames, the Texas Rattlesnake “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.

Like plenty of today’s wrasslin’ fans, I would’ve probably never paid attention to the WWF/WWE or WCW after my childhood years and that golden era of Hulk Hogan and the Macho Man had Austin not helped usher in the WWE’s “Attitude” era. So I’m thankful for that annoying WHAT nonsense and a nation of adults who still shout catchphrases like, “That’s the bottom line!” and “Give me a hell yeah!” even though they’re embarrassing their loved ones and children. More than anything, on the guy’s 50th birthday, I’m thankful for his most important contributions to the progression of professional wrestling and wrestling entertainment, including his foul mouth and beer drinking, as well as this moment that might be my all-time favorite…

Look how upset the Undertaker was that Stone Cold tricked him! He had to turn around and regain his composure! Sure, if you or I try that in an actual fight, we might get a broken finger and an eye full of shoe. But when Austin did it, it was almost as damaging as the Stone Cold Stunner. While I love a good bird-flipping, I’m also a classy bro, though. My favorite WWE moments typically involve music, because I like to enjoy some fine art while watching choreographed ass-beatings. And very few Superstars ever carried a tune better than Austin 3:16.

So for my all-time favorite wrestler’s 50th anniversary, I thought I’d take a moment to celebrate his best musical moments. Sure, there were probably more than the five I’ve ranked below, but these are truly some of the best WWE moments that I’ve ever watched. First, an honorable mention, though…

The Stone Cold Rick Roll

The Rick Roll has long since been enshrined in the Internet Prank Hall of Fame, but it could have been reborn had Austin sang it himself. So much in the same way that Austin once chastised Eric Bischoff for lip syncing in their Redneck Triathlon, I have to disqualify the Stone Cold Roll for not actually being sung by Austin. I hope he can forgive me.

5) Singing “That’s Amore” to Booker T

FACT: “Price check on jackass!” is one of the three best things that Stone Cold has ever said on a WWE broadcast. I don’t even know what the other two would be, because I’d have to do some serious research and really think about the list of candidates, but “Price check on jackass!” is on the list without a doubt.

4) Singing “Magaritaville” at karaoke night with Eddie Guerrero

Eddie Guerrero, the only thing that surpassed your talents was your mullet. This was one of Austin’s more underrated feuds, and he had plenty, but any time that it involved shouting sh*tty Jimmy Buffett karaoke in a bar full of drunk rednecks, it should have been called a classic. This wasn’t the most prominent time that Austin would belt out “Margaritaville,” but it shouldn’t be ignored. Not today. Not ever.

3) Singing “God Bless America” with Lillian Garcia

Real Americans might argue that this duet with Lillian Garcia was Austin’s most spectacular singing moment, but I’d respond with a “WHAT!” followed by a poor attempt to shotgun a Keystone Light. (I can’t breathe well from my nose, so chugging has never been my strong suit.) Austin’s best musical moments came during feuds, not when he was sharing a brewski with Lillian. (Of course, there was also a legendary beer-drinking moment with Austin and Lillian, as well as The Rock and Mick Foley, but there was no singing. They talked about singing, but they didn’t, because they are jerk teases.)

2) Singing “Delta Dawn” to the Rock

This is probably the general consensus for the favorite Stone Cold singing moment, because it also has The Rock, and they talked some awesome trash to each other over the years. You roll “Delta Dawn” into “Margaritaville,” and these days that ends with a few rounds of Fireball shots and people throwing up on random strangers. But when Austin did it… well, there was a chance the same thing happened, but we all got to laugh along with it.

1) Performing “You Can’t Touch This” On MadTV

Despite not happening on a WWE broadcast, this one takes the top spot because it might have been the only thing that ever happened on MadTV that I enjoyed. However, it also led to Will Sasso being on Raw broadcasts, but I can forgive that because, come on, it’s Stone Cold singing, “You Can’t Touch This.” This is the stuff of legends.

To another 50, champ.

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