IF YOU THINK WE SHOULD WATCH MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND TALK ABOUT IT GIMME A HELL YEAH (note: Stone Cold Steve Austin is not being advertised.)
The Authority was dealt a crippling blow last Monday night when Randy Orton finally snapped, brutalizing Seth Rollins and leaving the so-called “future of WWE” in a heap at ringside. Now, after The Viper has made clear his intentions to challenge Mr. Money in the Bank to a clash at WrestleMania, the WWE Universe wonders: Will Rollins agree to face WWE’s Apex Predator?
As Orton plots his next move against The Architect on Raw, WWE.com offers some predictions for the next stop on The Road to WrestleMania. (via WWE.com)
Here’s your five-point preview:
1. “Should Rollins agree to face Randy Orton?” Here’s a better idea: Rollins refuses to face Orton, so Orton puts him in a rest hold — a chinlock, perhaps — and holds it for the entire three hours. Halfway through hour three, Joey Mercury gets upset and agrees to the match.
2. In a similar but totally unrelated story, John Cena should Attitude Adjust Lana and hold her in the STF until Rusev admits America is hot shit and Russia’s just cold boogers on a paper plate. My plan for Raw is for every feud to just be a guy hurting someone until he gets what he wants. Let’s do it all night. DIEGO CHOKES OUT XAVIER WOODS UNTIL BIG E AGREES TO etc.
3. THE BIG DOG was tested by Mark Henry on SmackDown. How will THE BIG DOG be tested tonight on Raw? (If it’s Duane Gill dressed like Brock Lesnar, I’ll lose my mind.)
4. WrestleMania is in a couple of weeks. Wait, hold on, that can’t be right.
5. Last week, we got a Sting video package narrated by some random guy. Tonight, The Undertaker breaks his silence but it’s actually Heath Slater talking over clips in his scariest voice.
As always, we’ll include 10 of our favorite comments from tonight’s open discussion thread in tomorrow’s Best and Worst of Raw column. To nominate your favorites, reply to them with a +1.
Enjoy the show, Roman. I mean, everybody.
