WWE hasn’t been the same since Brock Lesnar showed back up in is boss-ass Jimmy Johns shorts and massive sweat beads. While people love the spectacle, it’s easy to forget that he’s had some great matches since he’s been back. They’ve changed the way matches have been watched and wrestled, and he’s only had 11 in three years. So, I decided to rank all of them. Yes, even the Triple H ones.
11. Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show at Royal Rumble 2014. This was as simple as it gets. Basically, this match set up Brock as a badass monster to get him ready for his match with The Undertaker at WrestleMania XXX. What’s sad about this match is that Show and Lesnar actually used to have great hoss matches. This wasn’t that.
10. Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H at Extreme Rules 2013. Want to know why Brock Lesnar beat The Undertaker? It was because Brock’s return to WWE was in the shitter, and his mystique was destroyed. Who destroyed it? John Cena (more on that) and especially Triple H. They had three matches, and this was the worst one. It was the third match of a trilogy that nobody cared about. So, the crowd was dead. Brock barely cared, and Triple H had already won at WrestleMania, so his heart wasn’t in it. This is peak selfish Triple H.
9. Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker at WrestleMania XXX. This was possibly the biggest holy sh*t moment in wrestling since Mick Foley got tossed off the cell in 1998. We all remember the ending. We all remember the random guy’s reaction. But we don’t want to remember the match. Hell, I don’t think Undertaker remembers the match. It was plodding and boring due to the fact that most people were just waiting on Taker to come back and win. I can’t be too hard on it, though, as Undertaker suffered a concussion midway through the match and clearly wasn’t himself.
8. Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H at WrestleMania XXIX. Pee Wee Herman was once arrested for masturbating in a movie theater. Triple H masturbates for 40 minutes in front of 70,000 people, and WWE called it a match. It’s amazing how Brock Lesnar is the most popular guy in wrestling now, considering his first year back from UFC was spent in a feud with Triple H that zero people wanted to see. The matches were bad, the build-up was horrible, and it all culminated in a 40-minute WrestleMania match that was a celebration of everything Triple H. This was classic self-serving Hunter; he kicks Lesnar’s ass, wins and loses the next month in a match that nobody watched to make himself feel like he did anything resembling a job. After this match, the top attraction in wrestling walked away with a 2-2 record. That’s .500. That’s the Brooklyn Nets. They turned Brock into the Brooklyn Nets.
7. Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H at SummerSlam 2012. If this were the only match in the feud that time forgot, it would have been fine. Of course, the damage was already done when Mr. Best For Business got his arm fake broken on RAW then showed up sans a cast for the Floyd Mayweather fight a few weeks later. Still, for a one-off, we got Brock making Triple H tap, and the ending made me want to put this match at the top of the list.
Triple H does the whole dramatic loss thing where he stands in the ring for the crowd to give him the “thank you, Hunter” chant. That chant never happens. Instead, Triple H stands in the ring and waits. And waits. And waits… for anyone to start cheering. He’s basically the guy who says “I’m so ugly” while waiting for people to say “no, you’re beautiful!” Except, nobody calls him beautiful. They just sort of say “stop fishing for compliments and go away” like real friends would.
I love the crowd for this. But I hate that this amazing moment led to their rematch.
6. Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena at Night of Champions 2014. This is the first Cena match on the list, which means that we’re front-loaded with Cena/Lesnar. They have a chemistry that’s undeniable. The problem with this match is that it was unnecessary. Brock had just dominated Cena in their SummerSlam match, and this felt like a match that was just there to make Cena look not as bad. The importance of this match, though, was that it signaled a transition for Brock where he was starting to look more like the wrestling Brock from 2003. This was as back-and-forth a match as he’s had and a precursor to the triple threat to come later.
5. Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns at WrestleMania 31. One of the dumbest arguments I heard leading up to this match was “who’s going to carry this match,” as if Brock isn’t an all-time great wrestler. Sure, Roman wasn’t ready for the moment, but he’s at least a decent wrestler. Add in the fact that these two basically had a scripted shoot fight, and we have an unexpected classic. There’s never been a WrestleMania main-event like this one. I still think Brock took his gloves off on purpose so he could cut himself hard way with his knuckle. Regardless, the match is Roman’s best, and Brock deserves all the credit in the world.
4. Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena at Extreme Rules 2012. This was the match that almost made Cena a babyface. Brock’s first match back changed everything. He gave a real MMA-feeling match and mastered the art of making matches feel like sporting events. Brock destroyed Cena in realistic way, unlike anything we’d ever seen before. I watched the match, gaining sympathy for Cena and respect for his willingness to take a massive beating and probably show up the next night on RAW. Cena was almost a babyface again.
Then, that ending. One of the worst, most head-scratchingest moments in booking history. Cena beat Lesnar, then cut a joke promo after his match was over. It was a classic neutering of the new guy… and it probably cost Vince in the short run. At the time, I thought this was one of the worst booking decisions of all-time. Especially in light of the fact WWE was in the middle of a John Cena losing streak angle.
3. Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena at SummerSlam 2014. It’s amazing how many times Lesnar has changed the wrestling status quo in his couple of years back. He changed the way a WrestleMania main-event works, he changed the way MMA was introduced to wrestling, and he had a championship match unlike anything we’ve ever seen before. This match had zero back-and-forth drama. No real suspense. It didn’t have anything that a traditional wrestling match has. And it was incredible. This is the match that reminds us that Lesnar came up as a wrestler, and he has as much training as anyone else. He used all of his tools and was as charismatic and asshole-y as humanly possible. This was Final Form Brock Lesnar, and I’ll never not enjoy this match.
2. Brock Lesnar vs. CM Punk at SummerSlam 2013. This was the real-life Wolverine vs. Sabretooth… basically, my comic book dreams coming to life. Lesnar was the sniveling bully, and Punk was the fighter who wouldn’t quit. The drama was incredible, and the chair shots at the end definitely made Punk need a Z-Pak.
1. Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins at Royal Rumble 2015. Five star match. I’m having trouble thinking of a better match in Lesnar’s entire career, let alone his post-UFC career. The only dull point came when he was selling the injury, but he made up for it with that finish. Just as importantly, it showed how he can elevate a guy to the next level. Rollins doesn’t win the title at Mania without this match. This is the early front-runner for Match of the Year, and it’s everything you could ever want from a triple threat.
It sort of makes you look like a crybaby for wanting to cancel your Network subscription after this match because the guy you wanted to win a different match didn’t win… no?
