The Assumptive WWE Smackdown Spoilers Report For 8/20/15

Welcome to the go-home edition of the assumptive WWE Smackdown spoilers report, where we “go home” instead of sitting in an arena watching Brie Bella maul the Divas Revolution. As always, we don’t watch the show, we just copy and paste in somebody else’s report and snark all over it. It’s the most economical way to accept that wrestling happens on Thursdays. Tuesdays. Whatever.

SummerSlam is this weekend, so there were lots of interesting developments on Smackdown. Kidding, kidding.

What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)

1. Ryback vs. Big Show was a double count-out. Ryback saved up a couple of Specials and used them to put Big Show through the barricade with an OMG Moment. This got them both counted out. I want the timekeeper to pull a Bret Hart/Goldberg one of these days and reinforce that area with a steel plate, so when Roman Reigns or whoever comes barreling in they just crash into it and knock themselves out. That’d teach these jerks a lesson.

2. The New Day defeated Los Matadores and El Torito. YES, FINALLY. THE MATCH I WANTED. I won’t spoil it for you (in the spoilers) (written up by a guy that hasn’t actually seen the match), but there’s some spectacular interaction between Torito and Big E and aw goddammit now I have to watch Smackdown.

– Dolph Ziggler and Lana cut a promo. True love dies about two minutes into it.

3. Neville defeated Bo Dallas. Bo is basically Santa in that M&M’s commercial at this point. He loses immediately and doesn’t matter to the story, but here’s hoping he shows up at SummerSlam as a super villain. He can be “Count Verti-Bo.” Give him a Dracula cape and let him go with it.

4. Brie Bella defeated Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks. Flashing lights reading “F*CK YOU” blinked above the ring the entire time. It was announced that Brie has now won Block A and will main-event Dream Slam against Shinobu Kandori in the Osaka Prefectural Gymnasium.

5. Cesaro, Randy Orton, Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose defeated Kevin Owens, Sheamus, Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper. Ambrose won with a Dirty Deeds on Harper. If you thought Raw was treading water, whoever put together Smackdown was like, “put them all in the ring at once, it’s fine.” The last 20 minutes of the show is just everybody in the ring barbecuing and hanging out. It’s cool.

Enjoy SummerSlam, I guess!

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