Dolph Ziggler is not nearly as funny and entertaining as he thinks he is. He’s one of those guys who thinks he’s funny and is more impressed with his jokes than anyone else. So, the idea of him pulling pranks on WWE superstars seemed like an idea that was doomed to fail. And fail, it ultimately did. But, if you watched Swerved, you can appreciate it as one of the more entertaining things involving WWE talent they’ve released. In fact, between Swerved and Tough Talk, I was really enjoying the original Network content. That is, until each show jumped the shark: Tough Talk by not having Giorgia anymore and replacing Miz with Byron Saxton as host, and Swerved by dedicating a whole episode to a diaper gag. But still, they were great for a time.
Swerved really made me fall in love with a few stars for how they interacted with the pranks. So, let’s pour out some liquor and remember the good times and the heroes we lost along the way. Here are the people who became great, thanks to Swerved.
Summer Rae — One of the worst skits of the show was the old lady with the fake colostomy bag. The bag was full of Gatorade, and the old lady would drop it on the floor in front of a superstar she asked for an autograph from. Tom Phillips would walk up and eventually drink the fake urine. It was… uncomfortable.
Summer Rae, though, was such a sweetheart to the old lady. When Tom walks up to them, Summer says things like “we had an accident” and even handles the bag. My heart grew three sizes. Then Tom starts making fun of the old lady and Summer is there to save her. It’s heartwarming. And the karma came back as she’s now Hot Summer to rid the world of Hating Ass Lana. See how good deeds are rewarded?
Kofi Kingston — One of the innovative pranks on the show was having Los Matadores get talent to speak in Spanish for a fake promo. While the wrestlers thought they were promoting the WWE Network, they were saying things like “I am full of poop.”
Sigh. You know, as I type these things out, I realize that Swerved might not be that brilliant of a show. But still, trust me, it’s mostly enjoyable.
Anyway, Kofi walks in the room to do his spiel and he’s handed maracas and a sombrero. Poor Kofi pleads with everyone not to do it because he’s pretty sure it’s mildly stereotypical. After shrugging and putting on the sombrero, Kofi nails the promo. And never realizes he’s saying he’s full of poop or whatever. It’s that naiveté and overall happy demeanor that kept him smiling while Vince pitched the original New Day angle, probably.
Heath Slater — So, another skit involves incest. Again, I may be overstating the quality of this show now that I’m writing these things down. But hear me out. The incest scene comes when The Ascension, Heath Slater and Fandango go to a restaurant to eat. Of course, they’re the only people in this restaurant by chance because this show is real. Anyway, the two people who run the restaurant are supposed to be brother and sister, but the brother keeps hitting on the sister, playing grab-ass and acting like it’s normal. Fandango and co. are weirded out by it, but they try to ignore it. One hero stood up to make things right. Heath Slater approached the guy doing the grabbing and basically had the skit cut short because he was going to go one man band on his ass with some ruthless aggression. He was actually angry in a way he’s never been on TV. And I let out a big heterosexual man swoon.
Curtis Axel — Swerved is a show where everyone is horrible. It’s like Breaking Bad with fart jokes. Or maybe it’s Game of Thrones because Paige is basically King Joffrey. You ultimately just want to see her burn because she seems like one of those people who thinks ribbing means making fun of you because you were adopted. For her skits, she gets fans to be insufferable to stars who take time out of their day to spend some quality time. Paige instructs the bratty kid to sink below hate and tell Curtis Axel to take off his hat so he could make fun of his bald spot. Jesus. Axel, to his credit, is still nice to the kid and his horny mom. What a swell guy. Also, Paige is an evil warlord. We’ve established that, right?
