Thank you for reading the assumptive WWE Smackdown spoilers report. The wrestling show that airs on Thursday actually happens on Tuesday, and people who go to the Tuesday taping can’t wait to tell the Internet what happened. We’re The Internet, so we take their reports, jump to conclusions about them and get unnecessarily snarky for your enjoyment. Also, we aren’t gonna actually watch Smackdown to find out if we were right. We’re dicks!
Let’s all read together now, and see whether or not Nikki Bella bellabrated.
What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: snark aside, these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
– The show features a series of backstage segments about Nikki Bella’s “Bellabration.” Team Bella is in a bellabratory mood after Monday’s Divas Championship match, and they’re feeling like bellebrities. Nikki’s next goal is to eat some peanut butter on bellary and win the Pokemon League Championship using Bellabi.
No Diva is an island, entire of itself; every Diva is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were: any Diva’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the Bella tolls; it tolls for thee.
1. Naomi and Sasha Banks defeated Paige and Becky Lynch. Sasha Banks should get a Goldberg tattoo and start Jackhammering Nia Jax.
– The New Day cut a promo, which reportedly turned into a non-title match against The Dudley Boyz, the team they’re facing in a title match on Sunday. We won’t complain too much, though, because The New Day existing near a camera is the ideal. The rest is just details.
2. (or maybe 3.) Big Show defeated Cesaro. WWE is 1996 Nitro this week, so maybe Cesaro should’ve tried pulling a roll of tape out of his tights and wrapping his fists for POWER PUNCHES. Big Show knocking out Cesaro is the “watching your ex kiss her new boyfriend after they’ve been dating for like a year” of wrestling.
3. Kevin Owens defeated Dolph Ziggler. Rusev helped Owens win, in retaliation for what Ziggler did on Monday. The match at Night of Champions will end with them rolling each other up somehow and both losing while Jerry Springer picks up Summer Rae like in An Officer and A Gentleman and walks away.
4. Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose defeated Sheamus and Seth Rollins. I like that we’re to the point where the WWE World Heavyweight Champion and the Money in the Bank winner can team together and lose on a B-show, and it feels like par for the course. Gotta keep Reigns and Ambrose looking strong for the sheep guy!
