Welcome to the almost-Halloween edition of the assumptive WWE Smackdown spoilers report, our weekly look at what happens on Smackdown without any of us actually looking at Smackdown. On this week’s episode, we follow a hot Raw with a fun Smackdown involving pumpkin spots, Sasha Banks beatdowns and spooky jobber ghosts.
What Happened On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
– Bray Wyatt opened the show with a promo, and has possession of the Undertaker’s hat and Kane’s mask. I hope he also had Juventud Guerrera’s mask and Prince Iaukea’s skirt. Where did he get that hat, though? Undertaker didn’t have it on him when he was carried away. Did Rowan jog back out to ringside after Hell in a Cell ended, punch out the timekeeper and steal Taker’s entrance gear?
1. Roman Reigns defeated Kevin Owens. Reigns looked really strong by way of Owens taking an intentional count-out. I miss the good old days of wrestling, where a heel walking out was followed by the face going out, grabbing him and walking him back in with 100 percent certainty.
– In what sounds like a wonderful gift from God, Bo Dallas dresses up like a ghost and tries to scare people backstage. This is not a joke. They are going forward with Boo Dallas, and I hope he stays that way after Halloween. Remember when Cena was Vanilla Ice for Halloween and stayed that way for like two years? Do that with Bo. BO IS A GHOST NOW, OKAY.
2. The Lucha Dragons defeated The Ascension, The Dudley Boyz and King Barrett/Sheamus. Important development: The New Day now have unicorn-horn headbands. If these aren’t on sale by Thursday afternoon, we riot. The Lucha Dragons got the surprising pin, and WWE has officially created a universe in which Samuray del Sol is getting wins on Bubba Ray Dudley.
3. Dolph Ziggler defeated The Miz. This was a “Trick or Treat Street Fight.” I’m guessing The Miz got to be in the match because they walked backstage and were like, “who here’s okay having their head stuffed into a pumpkin and taking a superkick,” and Miz was the only dude who raised his hand. Sandow probably raised his hand, too, but they thought he was mimicking Miz.
4. Paige defeated Natalya. Hopefully we can get to the bottom of the spooky Halloween mystery of Who Attacked Natalya? Sasha Banks interrupted the match to make sure Nattie was okay from the attack, then attacked her. Because Sasha Banks is life. That beatdown got cheers, because the crowd’s given up and just cheers anything the Divas do that is kind of exciting.
5. Alberto Del Rio defeated R-Truth. After the match, Texano ran out and attacked Del Rio with a rope. Kidding.
= Mark Henry beats up Bo Dallas for being a ghost.
6. The Wyatt Family defeated Dean Ambrose, Cesaro and Ryback. It’s the babyfaces’ fault for adding Bad Luck Ryback to the team. Luke Harper pins Cesaro (lol) after interference from Bray. Roman runs out and I’m assuming beats up all the Wyatts by himself to end the show, because he is Roman Reigns, and he’s basically the Captain Planet of WWE babyfaces.
