Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Shinsuke Nakamura returned to the delight of everyone, Roddy Strong got laid out to the dismay of no one, and Percy Watson proved he doesn’t know how to properly dress himself.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for March 15, 2017.
Best: Double The Pleasure, Double The Pain
We open this week with a continuation of last week’s developing story between the Ealy Brothers and the two men who are intent on murdering them, the Authors Of Pain. Arkham and Asylum make quick work of the twins, even though they’re still not quite sure how to properly execute their Super Collider finishing move without either a) shoot-injuring their opponents or b) making it look like two handfuls of cotton candy gently brushing against one another. This match’s finish fell into the latter category.
But the segment still gets a Best thanks to the post-match verbal sparring between AOP, DIY and the Revival, each of whom have a legitimate claim to a championship opportunity, which leads to William Regal popping up to make a triple threat elimination tag match for NXT TakeOver: Orlando. The elimination stipulation makes this match even more interesting, and even more apt to once again steal the show. Man, remember when the Ascension held the NXT tag belts for, like, 14 years and had zero storylines the entire time? This is a refreshing change of pace.
Worst: William Regal’s Stale-Ass Theme
I realize he was a heel for the majority of his in-ring career, but now that he’s a beloved NXT fixture, can’t he get something a little more peppy? Every time he comes out into the arena it feels like a funeral dirge for a dictator of an impoverished African nation. Yo CFO$, hook this dude up.
Worst: NXT TakeOver: Orlando Theme Songs Continue To Be Garbage
Motionless In White is wack as hell. Go listen to Vanishing Life’s “The Realist” instead.
Best: … Except This One
Set to Baroness’ “Shock Me” (good song, backed hard), a sunglasses-clad Asuka delivers a poolside promo that is the closest she’s come to going full heel in her NXT run. When she says, “There is no women’s revolution. There is only Asuka,” it is a perfect distillation of her character: someone who is dangerously overconfident yet has always been able to back it up since day one. It’s like she’s turning into Mr. Perfect or something.
This has to result in Ember Moon unseating her at TakeOver, but y’all, what if it doesn’t? I feel like Asuka could decide to enact The Purge on the women’s locker room whenever she wants and no one would say anything.
Worst: Dishonorably Discharged
While she previously lost to Billie Kay and Peyton Royce in a tag match a few months ago, this is our first real look at Macey Estrella and her new character, which appears to be “member of the Andrews Sisters, but also Alundra Blayze.” Interestingly enough, Macey Estrella is her real name, not something spat out by the NXT Name Generator, and she really was a former USMC sergeant and member of the Marines’ SWAT Team — so, you know, it makes perfect sense for this military veteran to be squashed by Nikki Cross in short order, complete with six straight swinging neckbreakers. What a waste of a debut.
Following the lopsided victory, the rest of SAniTY comes to the ring and Eric Young starts yelling about something or another, resulting in Tye Dillinger and No Way Jose coming in and promptly getting rocked. Killian Dain’s running crossbody on Dillinger is just brutal — my ribs got bruised just by watching it. This all sets up a six-man tag for next week with all of the above players plus Roddy Strong, and I’m already looking forward to whatever comes after it.
Best: Roode Awakening
I came down kinda hard on Bobby Roode a few weeks ago during his match against No Way Jose, and I stand by that opinion: The match was a dud, and Roode’s theme song is way more over than he is. That said, tonight’s main event between him and a returning Kassius Ohno was a much more entertaining affair. First off, the pair was given a lot of time to perform, which resulted in two distinct portions of the match: First, it was strike after strike after strike, and then, they transitioned into a series of high-impact moves which ended only when Ohno mistimed his finisher, got run into the ropes and then Glorious DDTed all the way to next Wednesday.
Roode’s first title defense is a success, although he definitely had to work harder than he thought he was going to have to, as evidenced by his facial expressions immediately following the pinfall. I loved that — it shows that Roode the character is realizing that, hey, staying champion is gonna be a lot more difficult than he thought, and his theme song isn’t going to win any matches on his behalf, so he’s gotta figure shit out and get to work.
Maybe I’m crazy, but it legitimately feels like this Roode run is mimicking that of Donald Trump: a rich, entitled asshole pops up, talks a lot of shit to get attention, gets the unwashed masses to rally behind him through simple catchphrases and then, miraculously, wins the top prize in an upset — but he never expected to win, so now he has to actually try. Failure on this high of a level is nearly inevitable, so he has to stave off the doubters as long as he can until he gets dethroned (or impeached, whatever) to try and protect his legacy.
(This is what happens when I write these B&Ws at 2 a.m., sorry.)
As for Kassius Ohno: Congratulations on finally having a match archived on the WWE Network, buddy! His previous NXT run ended three months before the thing even launched, which is crazy to think about (and also should be a reminder that the Network still hasn’t uploaded the NXT archives yet, which is total horseshit). Yes, he clocks in at 270 pounds, but he can still move like a cruiserweight, and his Dream Team-inspired gear is fly as hell. You’re not going to get any fat shaming here, sorry.
Next week: Oney Lorcan vs. Andrade “Cien” Almas, SAniTY vs. Roddy Strong, Tye Dillinger and No Way Jose, and UCF’s crowd vs. a fistful of Ambien.
