The Best And Worst Of WWE NXT 3/29/17: Guitarmageddon


Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Asuka trash-talked Ember Moon in two different languages, Shinsuke Nakamura revealed he is a surfer dude with attitude, and SAniTY vs. Tye Dillinger is still a thing that is happening.

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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for March 29, 2017.

Best: Top Guys Out (Then Back In)

We kick off the last episode of NXT before TakeOver: Orlando with a triple threat singles match between #DIY’s Johnny Gargano, the Revival’s Dash Wilder and Authors Of Pain’s Akeem The African Dream. I loved the way this match developed, from Wilder trying to convince Gargano to work with him to Gargano seeing the betrayal coming a mile away, to the Revival bailing out as soon as the match turned against Wilder.

After Dash and Dawson vacate the ring area, we end up with a classic power vs. speed singles match that ends with an absolutely brutal powerbomb on Gargano from Akam and then a sneaky pin from a returning Dash as Dawson held Akam’s leg under the ropes. Knowing that the tag title match this Saturday is going to be an elimination match makes these kinds of strategic moves all the more important, and it makes me question just who will come out victorious. Honestly? I’d be happy with any of the teams.

However, a small Worst: Maybe I’ve been reading too many of Brandon’s Best And Worst Of Nitro columns, but man, a well-executed torture rack should get an instantaneous tapout. Furthermore, in no way should a torture rack be used as a rest hold. For shame, y’all.

Best x Infinity: BOOM SHAKA LOO!

I realize everyone watches wrestling for different reasons. Some people like the athleticism. Some people like the storylines. Me? Nothing pleases me more than watching two massive dudes in matching singlets just wreck shop and yell out insane catchphrases such as “BOOM SHAKA LOO!” while they pat their bellies to indicate tandem offense is incoming.

I am officially head over heels in love with Heavy Machinery, and I hope they are on my TV every week from now until the earth crashes into the sun. Their aesthetic just screams Saturday morning WWF programming from the early ’90s, and given how that was when I first discovered wrestling, it speaks to me on a level I haven’t experienced since first falling in love with the Natural Disasters. Bless you, Heavy Machinery.

Nothing: Oh Cool, A Contract Signing

Besides Asuka snickering at the mention of Ember Moon’s name, there was nothing much to talk about here, positive or negative (although it was adorable to watch William Regal completely no-sell Ember’s super-serious promo by sliding the contract in front of her and then positioning the pen for her convenience). At least we get to watch them finally throw hands this weekend!

Best: Make NXT Great Again

The latest Bobby Roode/Shinsuke Nakamura dual vignette pushes the idea that Roode is actually Donald Trump even more, pulling quotes from his NXT debut promo about corporate America and Wall Street and having him toast a picture of himself (because you know that shit happens at Mar-A-Lago every weekend). Nak’s response, essentially, is “pfft, what a poseur.” He’s the first person to publicly point out that the emperor has no clothes — let’s see if the crowd on Saturday follows suit.

Best/Worst: Drift Away, Finally

Okay, so it’s not like the outcome of this match was ever in question, but it was a great way to finally remove a character from the NXT universe, even temporarily, that the crowd was beyond sick of seeing. And given that Kassius Ohno is still new to a lot of viewers, this was a really nice way to get him some goodwill as the guy who mercifully put Elias Samson out of his misery. The match was fine, but nothing special (much like Samson’s run to date), although it was just refreshing to have something of consequence happen to the NXT midcard for once.

Here’s my Worst: Perhaps I’m just a big sensitive baby, but I thought Kassius Ohno breaking Elias Samson’s guitar was just a downright shitty thing to do, and it reeks of main roster WWE babyface behavior, stuff we’ve mostly avoided in the NXT universe. Samson wasn’t the Honky Tonk Man or Jeff Jarrett — that guitar never hurt anyone (physically, anyway). Watching Ohno smash it made me feel as bad as I felt when Stanley Spadowski’s mop was unfairly taken from him in UHF. (That scene still wrecks me.)

Anyway: Goodbye, the Drifter. If nothing else, you can always be proud that you hold the record for “longest amount of time carrying a guitar to the ring before it was finally broken.”

Comic Book Guy Worst: Continuity, People!

So these tapings at UCF took place more than a month ago — which means that at NXT house shows since then, Elias Samson has been appearing under a mask and calling himself El Vagabondo. At the Cleveland date, Samson (as El Vagabondo) squared off against No Way Jose, who even said on the mic, “You lost a Loser Leaves NXT match, we all saw it” or something similar, perhaps not realizing that this episode hadn’t aired and wouldn’t air for another few weeks.

I get that this is a pretty minor thing to whine about, but if you’re gonna sit on TV-specific angles — the beginnings of which hadn’t even aired — maybe keep the outcome of said angles out of the live show until then?

Next week: We get the NXT TakeOver: Orlando pre-show airing four days after NXT TakeOver: Orlando happens. Which reminds me: Come back to With Spandex this Saturday, April 1, for our NXT TakeOver: Orlando open thread!

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