Hey, Blue Team.
Let’s start by addressing the elephant in the room. As you all know, this past Monday night Shane McMahon returned to the WWE Universe and announced that he wants control of Monday Night RAW. I took that to mean one thing: Shane McMahon does not care about Smackdown. How dare he? Does Shane McMahon not understand that Smackdown is the backbone of the WWE Universe? Without Smackdown, the transition from NXT Wednesday to RAW on Monday would be too harsh. You need something to bridge the gap. Smackdown on Thursday helps ease you back down from the high of NXT on Wednesday. It grounds you before the punch in the face of awfulness that is usually RAW. Without it, the company is too bipolar. Yet did Shane McMahon want control of Smackdown? Apparently not. I guess Shane’s just been gone too long to understand how modern WWE functions. Come on, Shane, fight for the Blue Team. I know you have a big match coming up at WrestleMania against The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell with control of RAW on the line, but why don’t you stick around and at Extreme Rules, wrestle Kane in a Punjabi Prison Match for control of Smackdown? We could use a little help on Thursday nights, too.
If you’re in the Southern California area, this Saturday at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater in Hollywood, I’ll be doing a comedy show with Pro Wrestling Guerrilla’s Excalibur and former WWE Creative team member, Jensen Karp. It’s called Attitude Error. We’ll be watching an episode of RAW from the late ’90s and exploring how not-so-good that era really was.
If you continue to enjoy me watching Smackdown so you don’t have to, please consider sharing, liking, and commenting. While you’re at it, follow With Spandex on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
And now without further ado, here is The Best and Worst of Smackdown for February 25, 2016.
Worst: Remember RAW?
As I read the Smackdown spoilers this past Tuesday night, I thought to myself, “This is gonna be a good show.” On paper, it had everything that in my mind makes for a good episode of Smackdown. An eight man tag with Dolph Ziggler, a six man tag with New Day, a Heath Slater match, no Roman Reigns… this is all good quality Smackdown stuff. The last few weeks of Smackdown have been pretty weird. Brock Lesnar stopped by for a few minutes last week, two weeks ago we even had a competitive one-on-one main event that ended in a clean finish. But now we’ve put that all behind us. This week’s Smackdown opens up with a recap of the events that transpired at last Sunday’s Fastlane. If you love being reminded of things you already watched within the last week, then this week’s episode of Smackdown is for you. There is more than fourteen minutes of footage from Fastlane and RAW replayed on Smackdown throughout the show. That’s not even counting the amount of time they spend talking about RAW and Fastlane, or time spent reading graphics that boast about RAW’s social media presence. Fourteen minutes of actual RAW and Fastlane footage played on a Smackdown that without counting commercials is eighty one minutes long. That’s about 17% percent of the show. It’s like we’re on the road back to last Monday’s RAW.
In between recap packages, Triple H back in his COO attire comes down to the ring to talk about what happened on RAW last Monday. Because what else is there to talk about? I really enjoyed the end of RAW, and not just because I enjoy seeing Roman Reigns in pain. I also really enjoyed that version of Triple H. I was disappointed to see him back in the suit and tie here on Smackdown. He talks about the beat down he gave Roman on Monday, and then showed some pictures of Reigns looking like he’s having some bad allergy problems. Triple H reminds everyone that he is The Authority, and you can’t beat authority. He talks about their upcoming match at WrestleMania and how if you want to be WWE World Heavyweight Champion, you have to shed blood, sweat, and tears. He drives his point home by pulling out the remains of his bloody wrist tape from Monday’s RAW. That’s pretty cool and should have been an impactful moment, but it wasn’t. As cool as Monday’s bloody beat down was, my excitement level is still at zero for a WrestleMania main evented by Triple H and Roman Reigns. I don’t know if there’s anything they’re going to do to turn that around for me.
There is one thing that I found interesting about the promo, but it has nothing to do with what Triple H said as much as what he didn’t. There was zero mention of Shane McMahon. A match has been set up where The Authority could lose control of RAW. Triple H is part of The Authority. He said so just a couple of minutes ago in this promo. Yet he doesn’t mention anything about possibly losing his job? Or the return of his long lost estranged brother-in-law, who happens to be the rightful heir to the throne Triple H currently sits in? That feels so odd to me. At this point, Shane McMahon seems more of a threat to Triple H than Roman Reigns does. Hunter DESTROYED Roman Reigns just this past Monday. Shane has the key to a lockbox that apparently holds some sort of documents that could destroy the life Triple H has worked so hard for. If I was in his boots, I’d be more worried about Shane.
Best: What Smackdown’s Supposed To Be
Dolph Ziggler, Neville, and The Lucha Dragons vs. The League of Nations in an eight man tag team match, #eightmantag, is the first match of Thursday night, and it’s a pretty good one. All four members of The League of Nations are healthy for the first time since… ever? Though not as exciting as a lot of the eight man tag matches we’ve gotten on Smackdown this year, there’s enough good stuff here to warrant a best, especially when compared to the rest of the show. Rusev alone gets this match a best. There’s a great moment where Ziggler is on the mat crawling toward his corner, desperate to make a tag. Instead of immediately trying to stop Dolph from tagging out, Rusev gets down on the mat and mocks Ziggler as he crawls. Rusev being surrounded by The League of Nations is a great example of “one of these things is not like the other.” He’s the only League of Nations member going the extra mile. Barrett and Sheamus aren’t bad, it’s just that Rusev seems to be trying a bit harder to put those extra little touches in that the other guys don’t.
The end of this match is probably the best part of this week’s Smackdown. Neville leaps off the top rope over the head of Sheamus to hit a 450 on Barrett. Rusev breaks up the pin, but is taken out by the Lucha Dragons with some kicks and flips and general luchaness. This allows Neville to go up to the top rope and hit the Red Arrow on Barrett, but this time the pin is broken up by Del Rio. Who himself is then taken out by a superkick from Ziggler. This allows Barrett enough time to tag in Sheamus who hits the Brogue Kick on Neville and the pinfall. Fun stuff.
Best: The Big KO
More impressive than being able to pick the Big Show up and slam him is being able to get me to enjoy a segment with the Big Show. If you haven’t done so already, watch Renee Young’s backstage interview with Kevin Owens on the dot com. Just watch it. I don’t want to spoil it for you.
Worst: Wazzzuuuupp, Harriet Tubman
Smackdown comes back from commercial break with an inspirational quote from Harriet Tubman. “Always remember, you have the strength, the patience, and the passions to reach for the stars and change the world.” And now The Dudley Boyz. They’re here for D-Von to have a one-on-one match with Jimmy Uso. Or, Right Side Umaga. In this case, match is a loose term. Before it begins, Bubba Ray comes on the mic and once again preaches that they’re not a nostalgia act. It’s probably time for D-Von to stop wearing a shirt that says “wazzzuuuupp” on the back. Maybe replace it with something more current, like the Budweiser Frogs. We get about six moves in when Bubba Ray shakes the top rope, causing Jimmy Uso to fall off and crash to the mat, allowing D-Von to perform one of the slowest roll-ups I have ever seen in my life to get the victory. It would have been nice to have an actual match here. I’m a fan of one-on-one matches between tag teams. I hadn’t seen D-Von alone in the ring in a long time and I was interested to see what he could do. Plus, it’s better than seeing The Dudleys or The Usos defeat The Ascension again. But alas, time must be allowed for a replay of whatever wacky vehicle Dean Ambrose drove into the arena on RAW. So wrap it up, boys.
Best: The New Streak
As shocked as I was by the return of Shane McMahon on Monday, I was even more surprised by the shocking events of Smackdown; I enjoyed two Big Show segments in a row! Prior to earlier tonight, I believe the last time I enjoyed the Big Show was when the Big Boss Man stole his father’s corpse. Jump forward fifteen years and it happens twice in one night. It’s true what they say, anything CAN happen in WWE.
Kevin Owens is the best on the current roster at wrestling each of his opponents in a different way. This should go without saying, but if this were a real sport you would approach wrestling the Big Show differently than you would approach wrestling Kalisto. But that’s not always the case. Owens works to get the Big Show off his feet and as soon as he does, hits him with the senton. He goes for the pin, Big Show kicks out at one, but Owens gets right back on Show while he’s still down on his knees. This only angers the Big Man, who gets back to his feet, throws Owens in the corner and delivers a big chop to Owens’ chest, which leads to Owens asking him to “hold on a minute” as he rolls out of the ring to deal with the pain. The finish saw Big Show on his way to the top rope get caught by Owens, who after a failed suplex attempt just pulls Show’s foot down, causing him to land crotch-first on the top rope. Big Show falls to the outside and is counted out. Owens will of course take the count out. No shame in that; a win’s a win. He grabs his IC Title and heads to the entrance ramp before Big Show can compose himself and go after him. Unlike the D-Von/Uso match before it, this was the perfect amount of Kevin Owens and Big Show. Any less and I would have wondered what else they could have done together. Any more and I would have been wondering when is this going to be over. Let’s hope Show doesn’t get a rematch due to some sort of made up count out rematch clause.
Worst: Another Quickie
What is going on this week? Becky Lynch and Natalya have another match that stops before it can start. Unlike my mild interest in D-Von and Jimmy Uso, this is a full match I would have liked to have seen. But just as it gets going, on the heels of a German Suplex from Natalya, Team Bad interrupts and the match is over. Byron Saxton can be heard asking “why” and I’ve got to agree with him. Team Bad beats down Becky until Sasha makes the save. Then out comes Charlotte to inform them that they’ll be facing each other next Monday on RAW to determine who the #1 Contender will be. The post match stuff was all well and good, but I still wanted to see the match. Also, did anyone else notice that Nattie seemed to magically disappear? She’s on the ground facing the ramp during the beatdown, but when they cut to the wide shot from behind Charlotte, Nattie is mysteriously gone. Did she roll under the ring looking for Hornswoggle? Does she have Wyatt Family-esque teleportation powers? OH MY GOD IS SHE SISTER ABIGAIL!?!?!? See, this is how my mind wanders when Smackdown fails to hold my attention.
Worst: Get It Over With Already
These Goldust/R-Truth segments make less and less sense every week, and this week comes at the expense of The Social Outcasts. The match is Heath Slater vs. R-Truth. Instead of getting a bunch of fun Social Outcast stuff, we get more will-they-won’t-they between Goldust and R-Truth. Goldust comes down at the top of the match and wants to be in Truth’s corner, but R wants none of it. How homophobic do you have to be to not want a guy in your corner when your opponent has three men in his? As upset as Old Man Truth was at Goldust’s arrival, he certainly didn’t seem to mind Goldust interfering on his behalf to help him get the win. Truth seems downright ecstatic and ready to team with him, until Goldust shoots him a big exaggerated wink, which gets Truth upset for some reason. Just sleep together already! Or tag with each other. Whatever. Wherever this is going, just get there. Or don’t.
Worst: Last Chances, Brother
I’m not going to spend too much time on this because these commercials are regional, so you may not have had the same experience as I did last night, but the version of Smackdown I watched had a commercial for a loan company featuring Hulk Hogan. A NEW commercial featuring a Hulk Hogan that looks like his body is quickly decomposing. He almost looks like he’s been crying. He looks so bad, but not as bad as the commercial is. In the commercial, Hogan says, “Everyone makes mistakes and deserves a second chance.” He goes on to help people from a variety of ethnicities in getting loans, an Asian woman, a vaguely Latino-looking guy, and even a Ginger. But there’s one ethnicity that seems to be oddly missing. This is probably the last time we’ll see the Hulkster during WWE programming, at least until his picture’s on the Titantron while all the Superstars and Divas stand quietly for his ten bell salute. Thanks for the memories, Hulk, and for the advice on how to get a car title loan. My credit’s pretty bad. Hmm, maybe everyone does deserve a second chance.
Best: My Three Dads
Chris Jericho and AJ Styles were tasked with finding a partner for a six man match against New Day. They went with someone very age appropriate, Mark Henry. Jericho, Styles, and Henry should form a permanent stable of guys born in the Seventies. They can borrow each other’s tools and talk about how to keep their lawns trimmed. I bet no one messes with Mark Henry’s lawn. Much like the eight man match from earlier in the show, this six man is good, just not as good as New Day’s other Smackdown trios matches this year. And nowhere near as fun. Still, I’m giving it a best because on a show like the one this week, good becomes best real quick. Plus, I can’t hate on a Smackdown that ends with something other than a count-out or disqualification. AJ gets the win for the team with the Calf Crusher on Xavier.
Brandon did a great job of going over the problems with the current status of New Day earlier in the week, so I won’t take the time to do it here. Just know that I completely agree and we’re seeing some of the same watered down problems here. This needs to be fixed, quick. We have a lot of the Road to WrestleMania still ahead of us, it’s going to be a long drive if the New Day isn’t firing on all cylinders.
Until next week, I’m Justin Donaldson and if the guy selling Paul Bearer’s Hall of Fame ring is reading this, I’ll make you a better offer than Pawn Stars.
