Ed. Note: Hi, this is Brandon. Even though the byline says “by Brandon Stroud,” I didn’t write this. Our new Smackdown columnist Justin Donaldson did. While we get that fixed, please enjoy jokes about the Blue Show. Thanks!
Hey, everybody. Welcome to The Best & Worst of Smackdown. I’m Justin Donaldson and I will be taking over Smackdown for Brandon; his doctor told him not to watch more than three hours of WWE programming on the USA network each week.
You may know me from the many wrestling related comedy videos I have made like this one, or maybe this one.
I’ve worked on TV shows like Reno 911! & Workaholics, and have written & directed pilots for networks like FX, AMC, and Comedy Central. I’ve made exclusive content for websites like The Nerdist, Screen Junkies, and Funny or Die and have been an active member of The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre for close to a decade, where I still do a monthly show called Tournamnet of Nerds.
I am a huge wrestling fan. When I was five years old, I watched the Mega Powers explode on Saturday Night’s Main Event and I was hooked for life. The amount of time I spend watching the WWE Network has ruined my personal life and done unrepairable damage to my career, so here I am.
Previously on The Best and Worst of Smackdown: I have no idea. I couldn’t clearly tell you the last time I watched Smackdown. I think it was sometime last year? I believe I may have heard good things about a Cesaro match so I caught the Smackdown replay on Universal HD one Saturday night. What is really sad about that is I regularly watch somewhere between ten and twenty hours of wrestling a week, yet somehow I just don’t get around to watching Smackdown. It’s not even an anti-WWE thing; I watch Superstars and Main Event every week, EVERY WEEK. You guys should really start watching Superstars and Main Event, you’re missing some great Jack Swagger vs. Adam Rose matches in front of crowds that haven’t sat through three hours of Raw yet.
Smackdown moving to the USA Network seems like the perfect jumping on point to start watching again, so here we go…
Worst: Scenes In The Trailer That Aren’t In The Movie
If you saw the commercials for Smackdown moving to USA, you know they promised a radically different Smackdown. One where all the characters we love from RAW work together in an office building and wacky hi-jinx ensue. They showed stuff like Bray Wyatt doing Budd Abbott-level straight-man comedy with the awkward receptionist, Roman Reigns not knowing how boxes work, Rusev singing a song he wrote. I thought Stardust would be their Dwight Schrute. So you can imagine my disappointment when I tuned in Thursday night and it was just another show were they wrestle each other.
The show kicks off with a video package of what happened on Monday’s RAW, just to make sure that any USA network viewers who may be watching Smackdown for the first time are aware that this is the same thing they watch on Mondays. The only recap is the Roman/Vince stuff and neither of them are on this episode of Smackdown.
(That’s not totally true. They show up in a RAW recap segment, but we’ll get to that later.)
Right out of the gate, WWE tells you that what happened last Monday on RAW is more important than what is happening right now tonight on the show you are about to watch. You could chalk this up to all of WWE being one continuous storyline and they are just showing you what happened last time on WWE, but I doubt next Monday’s RAW is going to open with “last week on Smackdown”.
Worst: The Face That Runs The Place Runs This Place, Too
Just like those cows who can’t spell are at every Chick-fil-A grand opening, John Cena is here to cut the ribbon on the first USA Network Smackdown. After a quick preview of tonight’s matches and an intro to the new announce team, John Cena hits the ring to officially welcome Smackdown to the USA Network. Cena manages to fill up three minutes of TV time by just stating facts: This is the first Smackdown of the year; This is the first Smackdown on USA; We are in Laredo; IC title is on the line; Divas title is on the line; The USA network is named after the United States of America, etc…
Every WWE Television show should start with John Cena in the middle of the ring stating the date and location, then running down the card.
Cena is in full WWE ambassador mode here and this is probably the only version of John we are going to see for a long time. After some gibberish, Cena does the white man version of Ricardo Rodriguez’s long rolling R announcement of Alberto Del Rio’s name. This causes Del Rio to materialize much like saying Beetlejuice’s name three times. What follows is a shorter better version of the Cena/Del Rio promo from RAW last week, but this time Alberto doesn’t cave. He won’t give Cena another match. Cena responds by challenging Del Rio to a match against Kalisto. The match starts even though Del Rio never accepts and Cena sticks around to watch. Typing “Cena sticks around to watch” really creeped me out.
Best: Si Al Principio No Tienes Éxito
When they release the 2015 WWE World Heavyweight Championship Tournament on Blu-ray, they should edit in this Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto match in place of the first one. Imagine how much less disappointing Del Rio’s return would have been if he had this match two weeks into his WWE comeback.
It’s basically the same match as they had on RAW, up until the finish, but this time they hit all the beats correctly and Del Rio looks like he didn’t just wake up. Kalisto gets the win after Del Rio is distracted by Cena standing outside the ring doing nothing. Now I understand why wrestlers lose matches so easily due to outside distractions. If a guy just standing outside the ring is distracting enough to make the U.S. Champion lose by pinfall, imagine how distracting it must be when someone actually jumps up on the ring apron.
Supplemental Best: John Cena, Advocate For The Little Guy
After the match, Cena raises Kalisto’s hand in victory and walks him up the ramp. How great would it be if this was the beginning of John Cena managing Kalisto!?! Think about it. Cena is on the shelf for the next 6 to 9 months. What else can you do with him between Make A Wish grants and morning show appearances. Have him put together a whole group of underdogs to manage. Kalisto, Neville, Sami Zayn. Cena shows up in the middle of a Sheamus promo and says, “not so fast, Jack. You’re wrestling Sami Zayn tonight and that match starts right now.” Then Cena stands outside the ring to help Sami win by distraction.
Best: Human Being Becky Lynch
It’s amazing what a promo can do when the person doing it sounds like a human being. Becky Lynch continues her stretch of great promos with another barn burner. Becky says she doesn’t need an explanation for why Charlotte turned on her, she needs vindication. In just a few lines, Becky tells us that those jealous diva storylines are not whats important, it’s the match that’s important. We need so much more of this and so much less of everything Jericho says. If WWE wants me to be excited about watching the same match on Smackdown that I just watched on RAW, a promo like this does a great job of that.
Best: All These Guys
Why didn’t anyone tell me all my favorite wrestlers from Superstars & Main Event are also on Smackdown? Maybe I should have been watching Smackdown all along.
Miz is in the middle of the ring starting a Miz TV segment when he his visited by New Day, Goldust, Neville, R-Truth, and a version of Dolph Ziggler who has come from another dimension to show us how good the Dolph Ziggler we know could be once again. Obviously he is replacing our dimension’s Dolph Ziggler who is out on an adventure with those time traveling cowboys. Everyone is here to talk about the Royal Rumble. After a couple of comedy spots and a brawl, we cut to commercial on a shot of New Day retreating. When Smackdown returns from commercial, those same guys are now somehow in the middle of an eight man tag team match. How did this happen? The announce team sure doesn’t tell us. Lawler even says “somehow a match has been made.” I choose to believe Teddy Long came out during the commercial break and put the match together.
This match made me happy. I know there are better things these Superstars could be doing, but how can I give a worst to three TV segments with eight of the most entertaining men on the main roster? I’m just happy to see them all on TV in segments that are not Erectile Disfunction commercial related. It’s a fun match where everybody gets a bunch of their stuff in, including a power slam by Goldust that a man his age shouldn’t be able to do. In the end, the good guys win with Ziggler looking like the superstar he should be, then superkicking R-Truth to prove it’s everyman for themselves in the Royal Rumble.
Worst: The Second Coming Of Tom Phillips
Before with move on with the rest of the show, let’s take a minute here to talk about the new commentary team. Smackdown’s move to USA brings with it the WWE debut of seasoned commentator Mauro Ranallo. I was not familiar with Mauro’s work prior to Smackdown. I have heard great things about the job he did with NJPW, but never heard it for myself. I like to watch my NJPW matches on the internet, instead of waiting two years for them to be broadcast on AXS TV. I thought Mauro did a good job on Smackdown and I’m sure he will just get better, but if I hadn’t known Mauro Ranallo was on commentary, I probably would have just assumed it was Rich Brennan.
My Worst is not for Mauro Ranallo, but for how the fans are reacting to him. People are going gaga over this guy. I have even heard people call him the next Jim Ross. I have especially heard a lot of talk about how passionate he sounds. I think the passion people are hearing may just be Mauro saying things with a lot of conviction in his voice. Don’t get me wrong, saying things with conviction is the job of an announcer and Mauro is good at it. I’m just saying we shouldn’t start throwing around the title of “modern day JR” so quickly. Give it a week or two. How sad is the state of WWE commentating when competent announcing is celebrated with such hyperbole?
Best: The Best Feud of 2016, So Far
The past few weeks of the Lynch/Flair feud has done wonders for the main roster Divas division. We haven’t gotten close to NXT level matches or storytelling yet, but baby steps. Becky and Charlotte are giving me faith that hope is not lost. Keep this up and maybe I won’t be so afraid of Bayley getting called up to the main roster… maybe. Before the bell rings Mauro Ranallo says this has a big match feel and I can’t agree more. It certainly feels like a bigger match than Ambrose/Owens. Every moment felt like Charlotte and Becky were both really working to win the match. I know it should be that way in every match, but we haven’t seen a lot of that lately in WWE. Everyone involved in this match was doing their best. Even the crowd was better during this match. This should have been the main event. It was the best match of the show and it felt important. My biggest complaint about the first Smackdown on the USA network is that it didn’t feel much different than the last Smackdown on SyFy. Or any other episode of Smackdown on SyFy for that matter. A little thing like switching the places of the IC and Divas title matches would have gone a long way to making this Smackdown feel different. Still this gets a big best from me. Keep this up and maybe people will start watching Smackdown… Maybe.
Worst: It’s All Downhill From Here
Is there anything worse than sitting through a poorly acted, passionless, convoluted RAW storyline? Yes, sitting through it again on Smackdown, and again on NXT, and again on Main Event, and again on Superstars, and again on YouTube, and sometimes twice on Pay Per Views. Nothing makes me reach for the remote faster than hearing the words “and now it’s time for the RAW rebound.” Six minutes is spent recapping what happened between Roman and the McMahons on RAW. Why? What it this? Why is it so important to WWE that we know what happened on RAW when none of the characters they’re recapping are on the show I’m watching. Then they follow it up with an interview with Roman that was on WWE.com earlier this week. Now they’re just showing YouTube videos on television, like some cheap clip show on TRU TV. Maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt and assume this was to promote the Royal Rumble. If it was, they failed. It makes me want to watch it less.
I wouldn’t get so worked up about these recap segments if I thought they had nothing else they could put on TV, but the truth is there is a locker room full of entertaining wrestlers who don’t make it on TV every week. Some, like Damian Sandow, don’t make it on TV for months at a time. Bo Dallas shouldn’t be siting in the back with nothing to do while they show RAW over again. These recap segment are relics of a time when not everyone had cable, and even if you did you may not have had every channel WWE was on. Today RAW and Smackdown are on the same channel, almost everything they have ever done is on the network, and the internet exists. It’s time to put the recaps in the past with Beaver Cleavage and Mantaur.
Best: We May Be Getting Somewhere
I liked this Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens match a lot more than their other matches, but unlike Becky and Charlotte, it felt like Ambrose and Owens are still holding back. That’s not a surprise. Every Owens vs. Ambrose match has felt that way. Their matches feel muted. Much like the men themselves have from time to time. There are no two people on the main roster that I would like to see cut loose from their chains more than Owens and Ambrose. We all know what these guys are capable of and with each match they have, it peaks out a little more. They have yet to have a bad match with each other, but they haven’t had a classic either. With each match, they get closer to the match we know they can have. I thought this was their best match so far. They finally had enough time to tell a story. They hit a little harder this time around and each fought a little smarter. This was the match I was looking for at TLC. I guess this is just what guys like Ambrose and Owens have to do in 2016 WWE. They have to hold back. If you know you are going to have to wrestle the same guy on TV and PPV over and over for months at a time why wouldn’t you hold back? If you give us everything in match one or two, what are you going to do for match fifteen? Smackdown goes off the air with Owens and Ambrose leaving me wanting more and isn’t that what it’s all about.
Best: Turn Turn Turn
My absolute favorite thing that happened at Smackdown this week didn’t happen on TV and has seemed to have fallen under everyone’s radar. I don’t blame any of you, it’s been a big week. After Smackdown was finished taping, Dean Ambrose was in the ring when The Wyatt Family ran down and attacked him. A steel cage lowered around the ring leaving Ambrose trapped to fight off the whole Wyatt Family by himself inside the cage. When low in behold, who came out to make the save? The Big Show. With help from Ziggler and Ryback, Ambrose and Big Show fought off the Wyatt Family and then all celebrated together in the ring after. That’s right, Big Show turned face in an untelevised dark segment. Nothing would make me happier than if he turns heel again at a house show this weekend.
