Hey, Blue Team.
Pretty good Smackdown this week. I’ve been pretty harsh on the booking lately due to how repetitive things have gotten, and I stand by my words. But I do feel like I have to give WWE credit for one major Smackdown improvement these last few months; ever since WrestleMania, the amount of Raw content that has replayed on Smackdown has become less and less. We’ve been getting more matches and it’s starting to feel more like it’s own show all the time. Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be all hugs and kisses, but I’ve definitely noticed the improvement and want to give credit where credit’s due.
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And now without further ado, here is The Best and Worst of Smackdown for May 12, 2016.
Best: Villains
Smackdown opens up this week with the Ambrose Asylum. Dean’s guest is Chris Jericho. Okay, this may have not been an officially branded Ambrose Asylum segment, but I’m not sure I know what the difference is, other than the plant. Ambrose is here to talk about the story behind destroying Chris Jericho’s electric sparkly jacket this past Monday on RAW. They show footage of Ambrose cutting, ripping, and tearing apart the $15,000 jacket. Smackdown Fun Fact: Last week on Smackdown, prior to Dean destroying the jacket, the seeds were planted that it cost $15,000 when Jericho shoehorned the cost of his jacket into a highlight reel segment with Sami Zayn and The Miz. Even though the mention of his jacket felt forced, I would still like to thank the Smackdown writing team for foreshadowing in continuity. Good job! Here’s a Dana Brooks style pat on the head.
Anyway, Ambrose says that him and Jericho are now even. Jericho destroyed his plant, so he destroyed Jericho’s jacket. It’s an eye for an eye. He says he’s mad because Jericho tried to end his career, and take away everything he has when he hit him in the back of the head with the plant. Ambrose takes a nice swipe and Jericho’s practically unlistenable podcast while explaining that unlike Chris, wrestling is all Dean Ambrose has. He actually says the word wrestling during this promo too. That’s probably a $20,000 fine. Ambrose is on a roll when Jericho’s music hits and the screen goes dark. Once the lights come back on, we see that Jericho is standing in the ring, holding a straight jacket over the fallen body of Ambrose. Chris puts Dean in the straight jacket, then proceeds to beat on him while yelling “Come on! Get crazy!” at him over and over again. The ring fills with refs, Ambrose tries to fight back, he takes a couple of Codebreakers, and Jericho ends up standing on the announce table, microphone in hand telling the audience that he is giving them the gift of Jericho and to drink it in.
One of the main things the WWE is really lacking in right now is villains. Real villains. You have some great bad guys, like Kevin Owens and The Miz. You have a lot of guys that fall into that horrible “shades of grey.” And there’s also one guy who’s not a bad guy OR a good guy. But it’s been a very long time since WWE had a truly great villain. Brock Lesnar dips into it from time to time, but he’s such an impressive specimen in the ring that he’s hard to hate for long. Bray Wyatt could have been it, but also maybe should have been a face all along? In the last few weeks, Jericho has been fulfilling the role nicely, and he does a great job once again here. There is no wink and nod, no pandering to the crowd, just a villain doing villain stuff. Heroes and Villains — that’s what made me fall in love with wrestling in the first place. We haven’t had enough of either of those in the WWE for a long time.
Two additional bests here: One — the ongoing improvement of Jericho. It’s crazy that I like Jericho literally more and more each week. Back in January, I hated Chris Jericho like the internet hates lady Ghostbusters. I didn’t think I would ever enjoy him again, let alone want to see him each week. Second — they’re definitely headed for some kind of Straight Jacket Match at Extreme Rules. I don’t know how good it will be, or what exactly the stipulation will end up being – probably put your opponent in a straight jacket? But no matter how it ends up, I applaud WWE for doing something that’s not the same old Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match we get at every Extreme Rules. Especially when it feels like something Jerry Lawler would have done in Memphis in 1982.
Worst: Anger Issues
Rusev vs. Sin Cara is up next in a rematch from this Monday’s RAW. Before the commercial break, we got a great shot of Rusev storming down a backstage hallway, angrily shoving things as Lana follows, making angry hand gestures. It’s an early favorite for this week’s Best Part of Smackdown. The match is still not the ten second squash I wanted their RAW match to be, but it’s not too far off. Most of the match featured Rusev beating down Sin Cara. That is, until he gets distracted by Kalisto who is sitting in on commentary. That’s right. You heard me. The guy Rusev is feuding with is on commentary and it’s distracting to him. The Smackdown equivalent of Ellen dancing. This week’s twist on the weekly concept is it doesn’t end up costing Rusev the match. It only leads to Sin Cara getting the upper hand for a short time. Eventually, Sin Cara gets distracted by Lana throwing water at Kalisto, which leads to Rusev taking advantage and winning the match.
There is a lot of weird going on here, and not the good kind. Kalisto focuses on two things while on commentary; how Rusev is always depending on Lana to win his matches, and how angry Rusev is. But other than two minutes after Kalisto mentions it, Rusev hasn’t relied on Lana for a long time. She hasn’t even been coming to the ring with him for most of the year. And as far as Rusev being angry goes, I would be angry too if I had to spend the last few months with Alberto Del Rio. The weirdest thing though, is after all the time Kalisto spends bad mouthing Rusev for being angry, Kalisto himself gets awfully angry when Lana throws water on him. So angry that he gets up from his chair and heads toward Lana in a way that made me feel more than a little uncomfortable. I don’t think it was just me either, as it made Jerry Lawler say to Kalisto, “Easy now” and “Sit down.” I’m sure the overtones weren’t intentional, but it still didn’t feel right.
Best: Beautiful Imperfection
I had heard a lot this week about Becky Lynch vs. Dana Brook not being very good. But for what it was I loved it, even if it was a little rough around the edges. The punk rock part of me doesn’t mind when every move doesn’t look perfect as long as it looks like each combatant is actually trying to win the match. Becky and Dana go after each other hard, and it’s beautiful in a not-pretty way. I touched upon this a little last week, but this is another one of those matches that is made even better by coming after years of models slowly stumbling around the ring looking like they’re trying to remember the steps in a country line dance. Becky and Dana’s relatively short match contained a lot of stiff stuff, good storytelling, and a lot of awesome awesome selling by Becky Lynch.
At the end of the match, Dana distracts the ref in an argument allowing Emma the opportunity to poke Lynch in her bad eye. Becky sells it amazingly. Dana takes advantage with a single leg takedown, then rolls on top of Becky for the win. I have also read complaints about Dana going over Becky in this match, but it makes perfect storyline sense to me. My hope is, this is leading to the NXT dream match of Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch vs. Evil Emma and Dana Brook at Extreme Rules. As much as I enjoyed the match, I may have enjoyed Emma and Dana’s pre-match interview with Renee Young just as much. I definitely enjoy Dana Brook more outside the ring than I do in, and she does an excellent job in this interview introducing herself to the mainstream WWE audience. I do wish she had given the head pat to Renee, but you can’t win them all.
Best: Old Fashioned Peanut Butter And Modern Day Jelly
New Day is out next to make some ass and cereal jokes, drop some pop culture references, and talk about how they’re going to beat The Vaudevillains at Extreme Rules. That is, until the old timey music interrupts them and out comes Simon Gotch and Aiden English to make old timey references and sing about how it will be them leaving Extreme Rules with the WWE Tag Team Championship, not New Day. The Vaudevillains and New Day compliment each other in ways I never would have guessed before I saw it. They work great on the mic with each other, they look right together, and if this one-on-one match between Aiden English and Kofi Kingston is any indication, they’re going to work well together in the ring once they are all in there with each other.
Like Becky and Dana before them, this match is very aggressive. Kofi and Aiden really go after each other. It’s always important to me that the wrestlers look like they are taking the match seriously, but it’s even more important for it to happen between The New Day and The Vaudevillains to counteract the pre-match comedy. You can be as funny as you want out of the ring as long as you take what happens between the ropes dead serious. These guys have a short, but nice back and forth match that really made it look like either one of them could win. Gotch, Big E, and Woods all get ejected from ringside after Big E and Woods stop Gotch from entering the ring. Shortly after, Kofi attempts a sunset flip in the corner, but English is able to drop to his knees, pinning Kofi while holding onto the middle rope. Yes, this is two matches in a row where essentially the same thing happens. The bad guy cheats to get a pinfall win. But you’re not going to hear me complain about it.
These are the kind of match endings we need more of. We need bad guys cheating to win. I would much rather have a ref look stupid for not seeing someone holding the ropes during a pin than have a wrestler look stupid by being distracted by someone on commentary or by music playing.
Worst: Making Me Want To See Roman Reigns Wrestle
It was announced on RAW that on this week’s Smackdown, Roman Reigns would be wrestling Luke Gallows, a match I’m actually interested in seeing. Instead, we got another match between The Usos and The Club. It’s really a shame Konnor had to go out with a Wellness Violation, because I could really go for seeing Gallows & Anderson squash The Ascension right about now. This is not a bad match, none of their matches have been bad matches. They’re just all very forgettable. The whole match just blends together for me. All their matches do. And then all their matches starting blending together with each other. Two months from now, it will be impossible for me to tell you how many times these teams wrestled each other, what happened in any of these matches, or how any of them ended. Do I even need to tell you how this match ended? Do you even care? Anderson hit a nice Rocket Kick on the outside after the match and followed up with a stiff chair shot, and that’s about all I remember.
The Usos and Gallows & Anderson are kind of the opposite of The New Day and Vaudevillains. They don’t look right together. Like if Edge and Christian had had a match with The Godwinns in 2001. Probably be an okay match, but it just wouldn’t look right. In a new era with a lot of stuff that feels fresh, The Usos are definitely starting to stick out for having that not-so-fresh feeling. They’re starting to feel a bit like leftovers from the bygone John Cena era. The Usos need to evolve. They need some kind of change up, quick. In the meantime, Gallows & Anderson need to blow this off at Extreme Rules and get as far away from The Usos as possible.
Don’t fear, Tag Team Wrestling fans – an unforgettable Tag Team Match is the next match on the show. But first up…
Borst (Best And Worst): Another One Of These
Week two of Bob Backlund trying to make Darren Young great again, and I still don’t have any visceral reaction to it. I don’t love it or hate it, I like new and different things and this is definitely that. And I like Bob Backlund. So there’s that. I don’t dislike Darren Young. I should love this, right? I don’t know. I’m going to sit back and see where this goes. Maybe I’ll have a reaction to it next week?
Best: It’s All Going According To Plan
Now onto something I know for a fact I love. Gorgeous Truth vs. Goldango didn’t end up actually being a match, but it’s another great chapter in the epic story of Golden Truth. It starts off with Tyler Breeze and Fandango locking up, but almost immediately after, Breeze tags in R-Truth followed by Fandango tagging in Goldust. After all this time the two men meet face to face in the ring. I was hoping for a reaction from the crowd on par with that of The Rock and Hogan facing off at WrestleMania, but not all my dreams for Golden Truth can come true. They don’t want to fight each other. R-Truth can barely look at Goldust, let alone lock up with him. They slowly get closer to each other, you can’t hear what they’re saying, but it looks like they are telling each other that they don’t want to do this. Much like a couple at the end of a romantic comedy, where the two have gone their separate ways and just when it looks like this is the end, they realize they truly are in love with each other and admit to one another that they don’t want to break up. Goldust and R-Truth can’t bring themselves to fight each other.
R-Truth tags in Breeze, but once Truth turns his back on him, Tyler pushes Truth out of the ring to the floor. Goldust tags in Fandango who goes right after Tyler, but Breeze tells him to stop. Fandango turns on Goldust, laying him out and letting Breeze get the pin. After the bell, Fandango and Breeze put the boots to Goldust until R-Truth makes the save. Fandango and Breeze then beat down Truth until Goldust throws himself on top of Truth to protect him. Every now and then WWE gives me exactly what I want, and this is one of those times. Thank you.
Best: A Satisfying Ending
In some ways, Sami Zayn & Cesaro vs. The Miz & Kevin Owens is a lot like The Usos vs. Gallows & Anderson. It’s just another in a long line of matches between all of these guys. The outcome doesn’t really matter. We probably won’t remember this match a few months from now, but there is one big difference between the two tag team matches. And that’s everything that happens between the bells. Unlike the earlier tag team match, the main event is fun from start to finish. These four guys have become to absolute best at doing the most with what they are given. Tonight it’s the last thirteen minutes of Smackdown, and it’s entertaining from start to finish. It starts with Cesaro manhandling The Miz, throwing him around and at one point running toward him and catching him in midair, then flipping him into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. It’s crazy impressive.
This is followed by some fun stuff with Cesaro holding one of Miz’ legs while Miz hops around on his other leg and wildly throw punches that don’t come close to Cesaro. The Miz tags in Owens, but Cesaro tags in Sami, so Owens decides to tag back out. But The Miz won’t let him. He jumps to the floor, refusing to tag in. Sami gets some offense in on Owens, but it’s not too long before Owens gets The Miz to tag back in. It’s one nice moment after another. Miz rolls out of the ring and Sami attempts a suicide dive, but Maryse pushes The Miz out of the way. The Miz looks like he’s leaving, but Owens stops him and an argument ensues. Out of nowhere, Cesaro comes from one side of the ring to the other with a cannonball off the ring apron that takes out Owens. It’s immediately followed up by Zayn coming out of the ring with a somersault plancha onto The Miz. The match is never boring. It’s constantly interesting.
Miz ends up cowering on the announce table, Sami comes after him, but Maryse gets in the way. Unlike Kalisto earlier, Sami just asks her kind of politely to get out of the way, but she doesn’t move and Owens ends up hitting him from behind. Miz runs Sami back first into the barricade and now that Zayn is injured, Owens will gladly tag in. Owens and The Miz take turns getting the best of Sami for a while until a Blue Thunderbomb eventually leads to a hot tag to Cesaro, who comes in and sends Owens on the uppercut train. And then there’s a fantastic series where Cesaro flips over the ropes hits a big boot on Owens back through the ropes, then leaps off the ring apron and runs towards The Miz on the outside, taking him out with a European Uppercut against the barricade before turning back around and running towards Owens whose head is hanging on the ropes, still stunned from the boot. Cesaro hits him with the uppercut, as well.
The end of the match and post match are both fantastic. Cesaro goes to swing Owens, but Miz comes up from behind and tries to lock in the Skull Crushing Finale. Cesaro fights out of it and gets behind Miz, then Miz pushes Cesaro back into the corner. Miz and Cesaro are both in the corner with Cesaro holding Miz around the midsection. Sami goes to hit a helluva kick on Miz while Cesaro is holding him, but Miz slips out, causing Cesaro to get hit by the kick instead. Cesaro’s knocked out, Miz pulls Sami out of the ring, and Owens comes off the top rope with the Frog Splash for the pin and the win. It’s beautiful. After the match, Owens hits the Pop Up Powerbomb on Sami, Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Owens, and Smackdown goes off the air after close-up shots of Owens fuming, Sami hurting, Cesaro determined, and The Miz gloating. Times like this, I’m glad I watch Smackdown.
Until next week, I’m Justin Donaldson and I have seriously considered driving from Hollywood to Oregon for tomorrow night’s NXT House Show.
