Extremely NSFW language warning!
I don’t want to steal from you the glory of watching and listening to this for the first time, but via YouShoot and Reddit Squared Circle comes this compilation of former Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long telling WCW and WWE sex stories. If you ever wanted to hear Teddy say phrases like, “it ain’t just about the sex, sometimes they give good head,” this is your Christmas.
Highlights include:
- Mick Foley needing to hold somebody’s hand during sex, “for support,” and having that person be Ron Simmons. You can just picture Ron watching it happen, sneering and looking around and waiting for the perfect moment to say “damn.”
- A comment about “oreo smashes” that will never make you look at the APA the same way again.
- A lengthy discussion about why some men prefer “big, fat, ugly women.”
- A conversation about Viscera’s hygiene, and the revelation that he’d eat a bunch of Viagra and sit around the locker room confused by his own penis.
- Teddy saying Mickie James is the hottest WWE Diva of all time. No comment on how he feels about her recent train-station murder.
- Teddy saying he’s sorry AJ Lee got married, then backtracking so CM Punk doesn’t kick his ass.
The shorter version:
I still don’t know what “he could peel an orange in his pocket” is supposed to mean, but I’m not gonna try very hard to figure it out.
