The Wrestling Episode is our cleverly-named feature wherein we watch non-wrestling shows with wrestling episodes and try to figure out what the hell’s going on in them. You’d be surprised how many there are. You can watch the episode on DailyMotion here. If you have any suggestions on shows that need to be featured in The Wrestling Episode, let us know in our comments section below.
I’ve Never Heard Of Mama’s Family. What Is It?
Madea for white people.
Wait, Really?
In the 1970s, Vicki Lawrence was famous for two things: singing the hit murder ballad ‘The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia’, and performing on The Carol Burnett show. One of the show’s most popular recurring sketches was ‘The Family,’ in which Lawrence would put on a fat suit and an old lady wig to play Thelma Harper, a mid-western grandma asshole who “tells it like it is” and makes life miserable for Carol Burnett, Harvey Korman, Tim Conway, and occasionally Dick Van Dyke.
The character was so popular that NBC spun her off into Mama’s Family, a more traditional sitcom with other ‘The Family’ characters only showing up in guest roles. It was quietly canceled, but did well enough in syndication that it was brought back to life as first-run syndication for four more seasons. And hey, if they hadn’t gotten canceled in the middle, show regulars Betty White and Rue McClanahan might’ve been too busy to agree to do Golden Girls, had time to return for the additional seasons, and given us a dark timeline without the correct Rose or Blanche.
And There’s A Wrestling Episode?
There is, in the second life of the show. And yes, before you ask, it is about how pro wrestling is real, and how sassy mid-western grandmothers with chips on their shoulders can get into the ring and easily beat up pro wrestlers, even when they aren’t taking it seriously.
The episode begins innocently enough, with Mama’s family (cough) too preoccupied with what’s on television to eat dinner. Mama’s grandson Bubba and son Vinton — played by F-Troop‘s Ken Berry, which is the best name for an undertaker — ditch the family to watch the “Tri-State Wrestling Semi-Finals,” which sounds like a high school wrestling meet on public access but turns out to be LADY WRESTLING.
Vinton informs everyone that this is the “most important tag team match of the year,” the Queen Bees taking on the Siberian Huskies. Ugh, of course Tri-State Wrestling would run the most important match of the tournament in the semis instead of booking it in the finals, when it would matter. Yes, I am a Mama’s Family smark.
Portraying one half of the Huskies is Dee Booher, best known as the 6-foot-4, 300-pound Matilda The Hun from the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. She was the top heel for the early years of the show, because you can’t be more destined to play a hated female wrestler than being named “boo her.”
The lady in the bee suit, “Honey Bee,” is played by Spice Williams, whom you might remember as “Battery” from the wrestling episode of Step By Step. She uses her “flying stinger” to topple the Huskies, then wins the match by putting her opponent in a half-crab and having the referee count to three.
Between this and the scoreboard for 2-point takedowns in Step By Step, Spice Williams made a hell of a career out of saying “wrestling episode?” to people who had no clue how wrestling works. You’d think Matilda would’ve said something.
But yeah, Mama decides women’s wrestling is a “glorified hoochie-coochie show” and tries to turn it off, but Vinton’s wife Naomi — 1000% Sweet Dee’s from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia‘s kayfabe mom, don’t @ me — recognizes Honey Bee as an old cheerleading friend.
Wait, Does This Have The Exact Same Plot As That Family Matters Episode You Wrote Up Where Carl Recognized A Wrestler As An Old Friend, Went To Visit Him At The Show, Accidentally Injured Him And Had To Take His Place?
Hey, don’t get ahead of me here
Naomi invites Honey Bee over for dinner, because popular wrestling promotions on old TV shows all exist during the territories days and exclusively ran shows in your neighborhood. It’s during dinner they find out the secret to tag team wrestling: only one of the wrestlers wrestles, the partner just has to stand in the corner looking pretty. Yes, this is how tag teams work! Honey Bee’s worried that she won’t be able to make it to the Tri-State Wrestling Finals because her partner is “in traction,” following a particularly bad shower fall (?).
Anyway, Naomi decides that since she used to be a cheerleader and Honey Bee will do all the wrestling, she’ll fill in for the finals so they can win the Tag Team Championship. I wish actual tag team wrestling worked like this. Like you go to WrestleMania and they’re like, “Jimmy Uso was bumped on the head earlier today and can’t compete, but don’t worry, playing Jimmy tonight will be Jimmy’s 65-year old friend Roger from church.”
The weekend comes, and the family’s off to Raytown, Missouri’s “world famous Ray Arena” for the championship. Which is one tag team match.
They’re getting into it, though, as Mama’s pesky neighbor Iola has cross-stitched them seat cushions featuring top Tri-State Wrestling stars like Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant and Junkyard Dog. That’s the Hogan cushion, which I absolutely want to own in real life. You never see Andre, but you can kinda see JYD in passing. How do y’all know what a Junkyard Dog is, but you don’t know not to count three in a submission hold?
Who Else Is In The Tri-State Wrestling Finals?
The Queen Bees’ opponents in the finals are the Masked Mabels, portrayed by Dee Booher (pulling double duty because Tri-State Wrestling only has two actual wrestlers and fills out the rest of the card with well-meaning strangers) and her G.L.O.W. rival Emily Dole, aka the legendary Mountain Fiji.
Everything’s going to plan and nobody seems to care that Honey Bee subbed in a person they’ve never seen for a tournament finals, but the Mabels make the mistake of getting into a heckle war with Mama. Mama hits them with a barrage of weight jokes, including, “I’d wear a mask too if I had thighs as big as yours,” and a crack about how she needs to go back to the old folks home brings her into the ring. At this point, the Mabels break character to shoot on Mama, holding her in a guillotine choke and kicking her between the shoulder blades until security can drag her off to jail.
Wait, sorry, I meant to type, “Mama continues trading insults with the Mabels until one of them pisses her off and she tries to attack them with a bucket.”
Tries?
Yeah, but she accidentally bashes Honey Bee in the head with it, knocking her out cold.
Look at that sell. You sure Honey Bee wasn’t played by Steve ‘Mongo’ McMichael?
Mama Has To Wrestle Now, Doesn’t She.
You know the rules. If a pro wrestler can’t perform, you just dress up some fans as wrestlers and have them do it. Nobody will notice!
Mama returns moments later as the “new Queen Bee,” thanks to an assist from Iola’s travel sewing kit and a “large black tarp” they found in the back. The crowd is so into what I assume they think is a very creative angle that they’re getting autographs from Mama and press is trying to interview her during her entrance. I wonder if Vince McMahon ever watches this episode of Mama’s Family and is like, “goddammit, pal, why don’t crowds just go along with the show like they used to in RAYTOWN.”
Now that the roles have been reversed, Mama becomes the Naomi and Naomi becomes the Honey Bee. She learns quickly that her only offensive move is “running away,” so she tags in what’s supposed to be her SUPER non-wrestling grandma partner. Naomi’s in there like, “I’m not taking a bump, I’ll let this very old woman get the shit beaten out of her instead.”
She forgot one thing, though.
What’s That?
Thelma Harper is OP.
Maybe the Masked Mabels knew all along they were supposed to do the job to the Bees and didn’t want to go into business for themselves, but Mama straight up kicks their asses. Here she is throwing a stiff kick to the thigh to ground a Mabel before going to work.
Actually, I don’t think the Mabels knew what was going on. I think somehow both original Mabels got injured off-screen in an unrelated episode of ALF or whatever and these are just two random ladies who’ve never been kicked before. Mama’s worked herself into a shoot and doesn’t know her own strength.
Pretty soon Thelma wins the match by Irish whipping one Mabel into the other, grounding them both, and hitting her finish:
I tell you, those 15 Tri-State Wrestling fans in attendance at the Ray Arena that night will never forget the time the promotion put two confused older women over their top tag team.
So Thelma And Naomi Are The Tag Team Champions?
They are, and it’s never addressed again.
The episode ends just like the Family Matters version, with the winners at home soaking their feet. They make some final fat jokes about the Mabels behind their backs, and that’s the episode. Did Mama put her local promotion out of business?
So, What Have We Learned?
Tips from Mama:
- Don’t be fat
- If you’re trying to put on a show and a random grandmother gets in the ring and tries to assault you, you’re probably the one to blame
- pro wrestling is extremely fake
- The Golden Girls really should’ve had a wrestling episode
Have you listened to this week’s McMahonsplaining podcast?
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