Last year, Cowboy James Storm murdered Mickie James by shoving her in front of a train on an episode of Impact Wrestling. While Mickie was later downgraded from “murdered” to “emotionally disturbed,” it was one of those moments that made you say, “Holy sh*t, Impact, what’s wrong with you?” On this week’s episode, Matt and Jeff Hardy managed to make “murder via Hogwarts Express” look like the Horsemen jumping Dusty Rhodes in a parking lot.
If you’ve seen it already, please watch it again and happily jump into our comments section to talk about it. If you haven’t, here’s what you need to know: Matt Hardy has devolved into an evil, melodramatic mix of Sweeney Todd and Colonel Sanders. He looks like he should be called “pro wrestler and illusionist Matt Hardy.” It’s pretty great, especially if you have absolutely no intention of taking wrestling seriously.
He’s accompanied by his wife, Reby, and their son, Maxel. Maxel is a real baby — this becomes important later — who pins people in wrestling matches. Matt is still feuding with his brother Jeff, because of course he is, and they’ve got a “Full Metal Mayhem” match coming up at the June 12 Slammiversary event.
On Impact, Reby threw a baby at Jeff Hardy.
Please enjoy this bizarre and wonderful piece of anti-filmmaking, brought to you by a brain caught somewhere between Billy Corgan and Funny Games. Come for Matt Hardy’s goth plantation owner act, stay for an unintentional tribute to American Sniper.
How do you even begin to process this segment? We need to have a lengthy discussion. Why is the camera moving like that? Why was there suddenly slow motion? How bad did that rickety table bump hurt, because holy crap? WHY IS REBY THROWING BABIES AT PEOPLE. WHY ARE MATT AND JEFF HARDY FEUDING THROUGH TIME IN A BARN. You are bonkers sometimes, Impact Wrestling. Matt Hardy bonkers.
Please explain this to me. Help me.
