On this week’s rundown of Smackdown spoilers copy-and-pasted in from somewhere else, we worry about WWE Fastlane not having enough horsepower to get all the way around the track because cars. If you watched Raw and were bothered by the go-home angle being a Kane return and Ryback doing sunset flip counters on the floor, don’t worry, Smackdown gets us to the right place.
That place is Triple H.
What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(Reminder: these are mostly actual Smackdown spoilers)
– No Mauro this week, but hey, at least we get Michael Cole.
1. The League Of Nations defeated Kalisto, Sin Cara and Dolph Ziggler, aka the “Career Draggins.” Kevin Owens was on commentary, and he caused a distraction that led to Ziggler losing. I’m telling you, if WWE talent stopped interfering in each other’s matches for a month, the finish to every match would be wrestlers standing still, staring up the ramp with “The Sound Of Silence” playing in the background, waiting for something to happen.
2. Sasha Banks defeated Tamina. Team BAD tried to beat up Sasha, Becky made the save. You’ve seen it before, but anything that involves the phrase “Sasha Banks defeated” is pretty good.
3. Chris Jericho defeated The Miz. Cool Dad defeats Uncool Childless Adult with the Walls of Jericho and accepts Southern Cool Dad’s challenge for a match at Fastlane. What’s cooler than tattooing your children’s birthdays on your side? Jericho’s like, “ugh, why did I get this Steak n’ Shake logo on my arm, I should’ve planned better.”
4. Charlotte defeated Natalya. Charlotte’s insulted Brie Bella’s career, husband and twin sister, but now she goes too far: She’s insulted Brie’s Total Divas co-stars. THIS WILL NOT STAND. After the match, Brie shows up and litterlee opens up a can of whoop-ass.
5. Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose defeated The Dudley Boyz. It wouldn’t be Smackdown without Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns teaming up to beat somebody in the main event. At least we didn’t open with Roman Reigns vs. D-Von Dudley ending via disqualification. Anyway, this causes a big fight where Brock Lesnar shows up and the three guys involved in the Fastlane main-event hit their finishers on each other, culminating in … uh, Triple H standing tall? It makes sense when you remember “Triple H.”
Really sad they didn’t follow up on that hot Big Show vs. Braun Strowman program.
