The Assumptive WWE Smackdown Spoilers Report For February 25, 2016

WWE Smackdown spoilers. Road to WrestleMania. You know the drill.

On this week’s show, Smackdown is forced to pretend it’s a totally different thing. Dean Ambrose has been beaten up by Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns got his nose destroyed by Triple H, so Smackdown can’t have one of them open the show against a League of Nations member, get jumped, have the other one make the save and set up a tag team match for them to win later. New show, everybody! Set your DVR!

What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(Reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)

– Triple H opens the show with a promo where he quotes The Rolling Stones because, for real, a 46-year-old businessman quoting classic rock hits from the ’60s is cooler than Roman Reigns.

1. The League of Nations defeated Dolph Ziggler, Neville and the Lucha Dragons. KING TAKE-A-PIN returns! King Barrett actually wrestles this week, proving that he wasn’t actually injured, he was just charging his laser. The League wins with a Brogue Kick on Neville, which presumably injured at least three members of the League of Nations. Not Barrett, though, huh.

2. D-Von Dudley defeated Jimmy Uso. This happened in roughly a minute, because if you’re gonna build to a Dudley Boyz vs. Usos WrestleMania feud, you’ve gotta do it right.

– The Undertaker will be at Raw on Monday. With Spandex traffic will be up between Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning.

3. Kevin Owens defeated The Big Show. Owens won by count-out, but I’m gonna pretend these spoilers were inaccurate and he just pop-up powerbombed him. If you can do it to Mark Henry, you can do it to Show! The Wyatt Family responded to this by staying in the back and not appearing.

4. Natalya vs. Becky Lynch ended with Team B.A.D. showing up and attacking everyone. Sasha makes the save for Becky, and Sasha vs. Becky is announced for Raw. The Undertaker AND Sasha vs. Becky for Monday? Way to sell me on Raw, Smackdown. Couldn’t you have been doing this for the past decade and a half?

5. R-Truth defeated Heath Slater. Goldust helped him win, so I’m guessing Truth thanked him by farting into a cupped hand and wafting it into Goldust’s face.

6. AJ Styles, Chris Jericho and Mark Henry defeated The New Day. Styles, Jericho and Mark Henry is one of the most Fire Pro trios ever. New Day takes the loss here, because sarcastic elders Edge and Christian weren’t there to tell them what to do.

And that’s the show!

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