Coming from the bottoms of the lakes of 1987’s spookiest Canadian summer camps is JASON THE TERRIBLE.
First of all, yes, there was a Friday the 13th wrestler. You could get away with a lot in the 1980s, and if you were a Canadian wrestling promotion, you could put a tall guy in a hockey mask and call him “Jason” and just say he “looks like he’s from Friday the 13th!” The Paramount people weren’t gonna trudge up to Calgary and make them stop. Second of all, you should never be surprised when something has a wrestling equivalent. Every occupation has been covered from Viking to garbage man, and even most inanimate objects have been wrestlers. There was a Christmas tree wrestler. Mexico has entire wrestling dynasties named after shapes.
So, yeah. Jason the Terrible was the Friday the 13th wrestler and wrestled in a hockey mask, which probably shouldn’t have been legal. How are you supposed to punch a guy wearing protective gear? His finish was a flying headbutt WITH THE MASK, so I guess you could get away with ANYTHING in Canada. Just bring a gun to the ring and shoot your opponents. It’s fine. Make sure you apologize to them, afterwards.
Here’s our first look at Jason in a match against Mr. Hito. Pay close attention to how Hito sells Jason’s basic-ass wrestling holds like he’s getting an arrow through the neck, and make sure you stick around for the expository promo at the end. “This is the ultimate, this is the ultimate wrestler here!”
Jason eventually came under the tutelage of a man known only as THE ZODIAC. Not Brutus Beefcake in zebra makeup, a different one. This Zodiac re-purposed Jason as a background prop for some of the trippiest, most unintentionally funny promos you’ll ever watch. Seriously, watch this and try NOT to tell everyone you know about it.
“I have already executed a plan in which to discombobulate you!”
Like actual Jason (shoot Jason?), the original worker, Karl Moffat, would leave the role, but the character would live on. The new Jason was born in Puerto Rico and known as “Jason El Terrible.” He took the character to the death match scenes in Japan and Mexico and mostly fought other monster-themed guys, which is exactly as awesome and eventually disappointing as you’d imagine.
Here’s Jason 2 in an “undertaker match” against Leatherface, who “looks like” Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Jason now carries a Japanese flag and cuts promos. It might be weirder than The Zodiac.
The best part about falling down the Jason the Terrible YouTube hole is that every link you click is either a sexy teenager death or a surprisingly hilarious and bad wrestling thing. You can’t lose. Enjoy, and have a safe and happy Friday the 13th. Try not to fall into any coffins.