Happy Halloween, kittens! It’s the most wonderful time of year for people like myself and fellow With Spandex resident Elle Collins, so being the huge goober nerds we are, we decided to sit down, exercise our already-wild imaginations, and have a little seasonal fun. So please, take a break from hot-gluing sparkles on your last-minute Halloween costumes, and join us as we put our expertise to good use and pick which costumes would best suit some of our favourite WWE Superstars.
Danielle: Now, before we get started, it’s important to note that we tried to avoid going too obvious, like say, Miz as Biff Tannen, or Enzo as those inexplicably sexy lady scrub brushes.
Elle: Or Finn Bálor as Venom.
Danielle: Touché. Since you’re the comics expert, you had to cast at least one Superstar as a superhero though, yeah?
Elle: Honestly, it was hard not to do a whole list of superhero costumes. After all, wrestlers look more like superheroes than just about anybody else. But I limited myself to one, the superhero/Superstar match-up I’d most like to see:
Nikki Cross as Wolverine
If you haven’t been reading Marvel Comics, you might not know that for the last couple of years the main Wolverine hasn’t been Logan, but his cloned daughter Laura. She’s a lot like him: short, stocky, long claws, questionable social skills, prone to violent rages. In other words, she’s basically Nikki Cross already. All Nikki needs is the blue and yellow costume (not all that different from her pre-Sanity NXT ring gear) and some claws, and she’s ready to protect a world that hates and fears her. But let’s make sure the claws are plastic — we wouldn’t want her to get carried away.
Danielle: Yeah, the idea of giving Nikki actual claws is almost as terrifying as her without them, to be honest.
Elle: Well you know, Killian Dain usually seems to be the best at restraining her, so maybe we can just paint him blue and he can chaperone as the Beast.
Danielle: Holy sh*t, that’s brilliant. Speaking of tiny balls of fury, I claimed Alexa Bliss for this list with the quickness. There are so many options that I vacillated between. It’s especially hard given her penchant for going full Suicide Squad Harley Quinn on the reg. Sylph from Final Fantasy was a front-runner, but ultimately I landed on:
Alexa Bliss as Lagerta from Vikings
The physical similarities aside, Lagertha is an oft-underestimated fierce warrior who started out as a shield-maiden and eventually became queen. Without spoiling too much of the series, she also totally stabbed a dude who wronged her right in the eye. Small. Badass. A contentious reign? Check, check, and check. And hey, if she has trouble pulling a costume together, she can always just borrow whatever Sarah Logan wears on like, a regular Tuesday.
Elle: I’m pretty sure nothing would make Sarah Logan happier than the Raw Women’s Champion showing up at her door and saying, “Make me into a viking.” Now for my next pick, I had an idea for a couple costume, because those are always fun. I’d like to see:
Lana as a Ringmaster and Rusev as a Dancing Bear
Actually, my original idea was that Lana would be Simon Smith and Rusev would be his dancing bear, like in the song. But I realize Halloween costumes based on jaunty pop songs from the 1960s are a little hard to conceptualize, so I generalized. But the point is, Lana will look great in a top hat and a red jacket with tails, and Rusev will have fun dancing in his bear costume (Lana can choreograph). Plus, we already know from one of their weddings that they love the circus. And really, Rusev doesn’t even need a full bear suit. Just give him ears and a tutu over his shorts and let his natural bear fur waft in the breeze.
Danielle Since you’ve opened the floodgates for pulling a Spice Girls and having two become one entry, I honestly can’t resist pairing up NXT faves.
Ruby Riot and Oney Lorcan as Wednesday and Pugsley Addams
Pre-NXT, Riot was known for not only taking a beating, but dishing it out twice as hard. Oney Lorcan is a lovable goofball, even if he is a lovable goofball you would never, ever want to mess with. There’s something about the idea of Riot constantly trying to murder Lonely Orca and him playing along that gives me goth warm fuzzies, like cute videos of baby bats, or Jimmy Havoc eating a ice cream cone.
Elle: Also, let’s be real — Ruby Riot would look super-cute in a gothy babydoll dress like Wednesday wears. I’m way into this idea.
Danielle: Right? She was always beautiful, but now she’s discovered jewel tones and is on the receiving end of all of my spooky girl dream costumes.
Elle: Totally! And speaking of spooky kids, my next idea is for Smackdown Live’s very own wolf shirt enthusiast:
Baron Corbin as Kylo Ren
First of all, he’s going to love the costume itself. It’s all black, very intimidating, and designed for a taller gentleman. But also, as we learned in
The Force Awakens, Kylo Ren is less a force for pure evil than he is a scared, petulant child-man who desperately wants everyone to think he’s frightening. Maybe I’m out on a limb here, but I suspect that’s a character Corbin can probably relate to.
Danielle: Plus the costume completely masks Corbin’s inability to understand how pants work.
Elle: Honestly, I’m not sure Adam Driver understands pants either, so it’s really perfect.
Danielle: Ha! Speaking of perfect, how amazing would this be:
Charlotte and Becky Lynch as Madeline Ashton and Helen Sharp from Death Becomes Her
Elle: Oh wow, so Becky Lynch as Goldie Hawn and Charlotte as Meryl Streep? They would have so much fun with that!
Danielle:Exactly! They’re both gorgeous, they love beating the shit out of each other, and I’d bet any amount of money they can both pull off a solid 1990’s sweetheart neckline. And there’s the option to have someone play Bruce Willis’s character. Let’s say…Fandango.
Elle: 100%. And if Paige were show up at the party dressed as Isabella Rossellini, I certainly wouldn’t object. My next pick is another costume for two, specifically the Bella Twins.
Nikki Bella as Dale Cooper, Brie Bella as Evil Coop from Twin Peaks: The Return
Nikki and Brie Bella were both home from work this summer — Brie with her new baby and Nikki dealing with her neck troubles. So you know they must have been watching and discussing Twin Peaks: The Return, and that show had a perfect pair of twin costumes. Nikki can be Dale Cooper, in that classic black suit and tie, with her hair pulled back tight. Meanwhile Brie can wear her hair down as Cooper’s evil doppelganger, with a faux-leather jacket and an air of otherworldly malice. If John Cena wants in on the fun, he can be Dougie Jones, because there’s no way he doesn’t already own a big bright green blazer.
Danielle: That dude buys suits 50 at a time. There’s gotta be a green jacket floating around in there somewhere. Also, just throwing it out there: Daniel Bryan as Jerry Horne or we riot.
Speaking of questionable fashion sense, my idea for Carmella is a little high concept, but hear me out.
Carmella as Lady Gaga as Donatella Versace
Elle: See, this is why you and I are friends. You may be out on a bit of a limb with this one, but it makes perfect sense to me.
Danielle: Right?? She has the extensions, she has the pout, she has the tan. And just think of the cross-promotional synergy for American Crime Story: Assassination of Gianni Versace! Plus she’s already great at pretending to be something she isn’t. That Jersey accent? Giiiiiirl. As an added bonus, she can pull a Marge Simpson and Chanel suit her costume into new ring gear. Like, I’m actually mad she hasn’t done that already.
Elle: Nothing could be more F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S than that. Now I only have one more costume left to describe, but it’s a choice I’m extremely proud of.
Kevin Owens as Steven Universe
The star of his own Cartoon Network series, Steven is a chubby but energetic young man who’s completely devoted to the people he loves, but also works hard to thwart the plans of his enemies. This is the character that Kevin Owens was born to embody. KO loves zoos, while Steven was briefly imprisoned in a human zoo in space. Furthermore, both of them wear their own branded T-shirt every day. And for that matter, if anybody is a dedicated enough friend to dress up as a pink lion to match, it’s Sami Zayn.
Danielle: I’ve never ascribed to the methodology of The Secret, but now that you’ve put this out in the universe (eh? Ehhh?) I need this to be real. I will also accept Naomi as Garnet and by accept I mean this is canon now.
Elle: Yes, that too, absolutely! I’ve actually given a surprising amount of thought to who in wrestling should be which character from Steven Universe, but eventually I always get to Greg Universe and realize I don’t want to invite Michael P.S. Hayes to the costume party, and that’s the end of that.
Danielle: What about Mick Foley?
Elle: Oh, that’s way better! Thanks for solving that problem for me. And in conclusion let me just add: Tyler Breeze and Fandango as Sour Cream and Buck Dewey.
Danielle: Okay, so to wrap this up before it just turns into an entire post about wrestlers as Steven Universe characters and the Usos end up dressed as Ruby and Sapphire (for the record I wouldn’t object to either of these things), before this conversation I had actually had Naomi dressed as someone else.
Naomi as Final Fantasy Summon Shiva
Elle: I’m not at all a gamer, so I didn’t know Shiva, but having seen her now I can definitely say that she looks awesome, and Naomi could absolutely pull that look off.
Danielle: Oh, without a doubt. I mean, she’s already got enough glowing dreadfalls to cause a drought in every goth club on the eastern seaboard, she’s athletic and powerful as all hell, and works with more than enough super nerds to maintain the character’s accuracy. Much like you and your Steven WWE Universe crossover, I’ve put way too much time into who in WWE would be best-suited for each Final Fantasy summon. This included a near-friendship-ending tiff with Xavier Woods over casting The New Day as the Magus Sisters and not the Knights of the Round, but I digress. I won’t recite the full list here, but I will say that Nia Jax would murder a sexy Ifrit costume, and Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman are clearly Choco/Mog.
This, ladies and gentleman, is why you don’t let me say my ideas out loud.
Elle: I always thought Lesnar and Heyman could be Brute and Glob from Sandman, so I guess we’re each of us nerdy in our own way (like all wrestling fans). But also, yes to Nia Jax as sexy anything, to be quite honest.
Danielle: Nailed it.
