On this week’s edition of the Assumptive WWE Smackdown Spoilers Report we deal with Battleground fallout, look forward to SummerSlam and jump all the way the hell to conclusions about stuff we didn’t watch.
As always, these are actual Smackdown spoilers gathered from cut-and-paste wrestling news sites, so if something’s wrong or missing, eh, whatever. What are we supposed to do, fact check? Here’s what happens on Smackdown this week, probably.
What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
1. The Usos defeated Rybaxel. I guess this was Ryback and Curtis Axel’s reward for winning the tag match against Koaf-E on Raw. Per Rybaxel’s contract, they will now get 15 consecutive rematches against The Usos.
– The Miz hosted MizTV and talked to (in no specific order) Bo Dallas, Dolph Ziggler and a fan whose child loves Roman Reigns more than The Miz. He loves Roman more than he loves The Miz, not he loves Roman more than The Miz loves Roman. Now that I typed it out I guess they both work. Anyway, everybody ends up fighting because MizTV only exists to set up throwaway matches in the middle of shows.
2. Bo Dallas defeated Dolph Ziggler. HE’S HERE TO SHOW THE WORLD. The Miz stayed out to do color commentary, so I’ll give you three guesses how the match ends. The first 600 are “The Miz distracts Ziggler, allowing Bo to get a roll-up and a win.” Guess #601 is “Mr. NXT showed up and kicked Ziggler’s ass.”
3. Dean Ambrose defeated Cesaro in a No Disqualification Match. This is … probably a reason to watch Smackdown. Ambrose won with a roll-up, because no other match on the show ended that way. Apparently Cesaro suplexed Ambrose onto a stack of chairs, and Zandig jumped off a scissor-lift. I’m kidding about one of those. After the match, Seth Rollins attacked and they beat up Ambrose. Not totally sure why he didn’t attack DURING the no-DQ match, but what can you do.
4. Paige defeated Naomi. From the actual Smackdown spoilers: “Naomi, who got a nice hometown reaction, tapped out quickly.” That’s the most statistically-correct sentence you can type about WWE. If you hear you’re going to wrestle in your hometown, take the night off.
– Goldust and Stardust were in the Sensual Seduction room and said some stuff.
5. Bray Wyatt defeated R-Truth. Here’s Truth standing up for his good friend Chris Jericho. After the match, Bray Wyatt delivered a long-winded promo. I believe this is the first time he’s been allowed to do this on television.
6. Roman Reigns defeated Alberto Del Rio. Hey, Smackdown sounds pretty good this week. All this match needs is Ricardo Rodriguez coming out of the crowd in a dog mask and whacking somebody with a bucket.
And that’s our show!
Be sure you’re back here on Saturday for Nate Birch’s Best and Worst of Smackdown, where we actually make someone watch the show and form real opinions.