Move the hell over J-Law, there’s a new American sweetheart in town, and it’s this oddly wet squinty guy.
– Hey folks, be sweethearts (American or otherwise) and share this report! If you don’t JBL will be downright disgusted with you.
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Best: Passing The Shitty Commentary Torch
Tom Phillips joined Cole and JBL for a three-man commentary crew this week, and the strong implication was that Phillips will be replacing Cole on the show sooner rather than later. Phillips’ only major distinguishing feature may be that he’s not Byron Saxton, but he’s still a big step up from Cole, and he seemed to have good rapport with JBL (or at least as good a rapport as it’s possible to have with JBL) so, shockingly, the commentary situation on Smackdown may actually be looking up.
Worst: Randy Orton Saying Words
Hey Randy, what’s up? Just going to methodically list off all your catch phrases and nicknames for a few minutes? Cool, while you do that I’ll be over here doing, uh, important things and stuff.
Oh, and by the way, you may want to stop showing that footage of you putting Roman through a table on Raw on every friggin’ show. He was back and fit as a fiddle by Smackdown. If that’s The Viper at his worst, you need to top up your venom.
Best: Get Well, Then Move to a Different Country
Seth Rollins vs. Jack Swagger was a bit of a style mismatch, but it turned into a solid match by the end. Swagger continues to bring the fun, outta-nowhere ankle locks and Rollins curb-stomping Swagger as he was getting back in the ring, then taking the count-out was one of the rare times a count-out finish didn’t feel like a rip-off.
I mean, in theory count-outs should be considered just as conclusive a finish as a pin, since you basically have to keep your opponent down for a 10-count to get one. If WWE didn’t always treat count-out like shameful non-wins, they’d have an extra arrow in their quiver when it came to booking finishes.
Best: In True Patriotic Fashion…
I’m reserving my full praise until I see where this goes, but it looks like Bo Dallas is doing what his brother Bray should’ve done all along and recruiting followers, which has got me pretty excited. I’m going to need a word better than “Best” if Bo Dallas and Jack Swagger become a full time, inspirational, AMERICAN tandem.