Hey, Blue Team.
I know what you’re thinking. Two episodes of Smackdown in one week? But no, it only feels that way. That was a pay-per-view called Backlash on Sunday. Tuesday, there was another episode of Smackdown Live. Despite being heavy on the talking, this week’s show was really good. Overall I think it was a better show than Raw. At least, I enjoyed it more. I actually fell asleep a couple of times during Raw this week. But Smackdown has my full attention.
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And now without further ado, here is The Best and Worst of Smackdown Live for September 13, 2016.
Best: The Right Place At The Right Time
I’m usually not a fan of the classic WWE trope, “Twenty Minutes of Talking at the Start of a Wrestling Show.” I don’t think anyone is. You don’t hear a lot of “Twenty Minutes of Talking” chants coming from the audience. But the opening segment of this week’s Smackdown featuring AJ Styles, John Cena, and Dean Ambrose was just about as good as these segments get. Probably because WWE “Creative” didn’t have to think up any of this.
All three of these men are at such interesting points in their careers in real life that all you had to do was book them in a triple threat together on a pay-per-view, and you instantly have compelling television. AJ Styles is probably the best wrestler in the world today and he just won the WWE Championship. The real one. And on top of all that, he made John Cena give up. Yes, it may have been briefly, as we found out by his return tonight. But still, he did it.
When he arrived at WWE earlier this year, AJ was given a ceiling. Nine months down the line and he has busted right through it.
Dean Ambrose’s ceiling, on the other hand, seems to be crashing on top of him. He was the workhorse, the guy who stepped up to the plate when an injury-prone WWE suddenly became light on talent. He wrestled on every Raw, Smackdown, and most house shows, always putting on a great performance. He was the guy a lot of people thought should be the face of the company, while Roman Reigns was being shoved down our throats.
But once he was given the ball, Ambrose kind of dropped it. Through his entire workhorse period, the fans were waiting for him to step it up to the next level … or at least just act the way his character is sold to us. Time and time again he’s been given the opportunity to step up, and he’s never taken it.
And then you have John Cena. But not just any John Cena. A version of John Cena who’s decided that he’s going to take Ric Flair’s record. And we all know that when John Cena wants to take something, all he has to do is reach out and grab it. But he is winding down his in-ring career. He has hosted more award shows this year than he’s been in WWE Championship matches.
You can’t write stories like that. Well, at least the WWE writing team can’t write stories like that. So it’s good that it seems as though they’ve given up on trying to invent stories and instead have decided to slightly heighten what’s going on in real life.
If I had one teeny tiny complaint about this segment, it’s that John Cena was brought out second. Dean Ambrose was obviously getting a rematch at the next pay-per-view, so the minute that Cena’s music hit, you knew that match was going to be a triple threat. If they would have brought Ambrose out second, it would have lulled everyone into thinking for a couple of minutes that the No Mercy main event was going to be an Ambrose/Styles rematch with some sort of stip. Then when Cena’s music hit third it would have been a much bigger surprise.
Other than that, it did exactly what it was supposed to do; get me excited for No Mercy and interested in seeing what they do with these three men on the way there.
Worst: The Men With Four Red Shoes
I’m sorry. I have to apologize, but I don’t remember anything that happened in this match due to being severely distracted by how odd and off-putting The Usos outfits were. Red shoes? White pants? It looks like Jimmy took an NBA jersey and emptied out a can of red spray paint onto it? You know you’ve made a poor fashion choice when you’re in the ring with The Hype Bros and you have the uglier outfit.
Worst: Hawker Texas Ranger
For weeks now we’ve been getting promo videos touting the return of Curt Hawkins that have mainly been infographics with weird facts about Hawkins. This week we finally get video of Hawkins himself telling us the same sort of things the graphics were trying to. It’s way more effective coming from Hawkins himself. This promo makes it way more clear what Hawkins’ new persona is going to be. It turns out it’s just a rip-off of that Chuck Norris bit. It takes about five to ten years for WWE to appropriate something from pop culture. So this one is right on schedule.
Best: Twenty Minutes Of Talking! Twenty Minutes Of Talking!
The opening segment of Smackdown was so good that WWE decided to do it again fifteen minutes later. This time it’s with The Miz, Maryse, Dolph Ziggler, and Daniel Bryan. And even though this is super similar to the opening segment, I don’t mind at all. That’s how good The Miz is right now. I don’t care that we’ve only had one match in the first forty-five minutes of the show. I want to hear what The Miz has to say. Maybe I’ll start a “Twenty Minutes of Talking” chant the next time I’m at an event The Miz is participating in.
I’ll watch The Miz do anything at this point, even wrestle Dolph Ziggler yet again. That’s not a knock on Ziggler, it’s just that they’ve wrestled so many times that at this point I should be totally burnt out on their match-ups. But everyone in this feud is doing what they do so well, especially The Miz, that I’m now down to see a little bit more.
I’m also very impressed by what WWE is finally doing with the Intercontinental title. What was once one of the most prestigious titles in wrestling has been junk for almost fifteen years. But a lot of guys in recent years have been trying to bring it back to its former glory. Unfortunately, none of those attempts have seemed to stick until now.
The Miz has done what Kevin Owens, Dean Ambrose, or even Daniel Bryan himself couldn’t do. And now he’s using the title as a hostage in his feud with Bryan. This is perfect. It’s only going to make the title seem more important. We’re going to see how much that title really means to Bryan, and my guess is it’s a lot. We already know it was enough for him to draft Miz to Smackdown, even though he didn’t want him.
It’s like Taken, except Daniel Bryan is not medically cleared to use his particular set of skills.
Worst: It’s Not A Gas, Gas, Gas
Is there anything less intimidating than the sight of Jack Swagger coming down to the ring? The answer is yes — Jack Swagger in a backwards baseball cap and a wallet chain. We were scheduled to have a match between Baron Corbin and Apollo Crews, but Baron attacked Crews before the bell.
This for some reason brought about the appearance of casual Jack Swagger. And just when I thought this couldn’t make less sense, Swagger gets on the mic and says, “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the Rolling Stones! Call me Jumping Jack Flash because Smackdown Live is my new home.” Is Mauro Ranallo writing for Jack Swagger now? The rest of what Swagger had to say made even less sense.
But what I could understand is that Jack Swagger is now on Smackdown Live, becoming the first Superstar to make the jump from one brand to another. And he was able to do this because his Raw contract expired. I think Stephanie McMahon is going to have to start keeping a closer eye on Mick Foley. All those chair shots to the head apparently caused Foley to sign some draftees to two-month contracts.
I’m a Jack Swagger fan. I’ve always thought he’s been underused and underrated. Anybody remember his feud with Evan Bourne in WWECW? He had endless potential back then. And he still has some potential left, but this is not a good first step in him fulfilling it. Jack Swagger will definitely be used more on Smackdown Live than he was on Raw, but I’m not entirely sure he’ll be used better.
Best: The Runners-Up
Not as good of a match as the Six Pack Challenge was last Sunday at Backlash, but Smackdown Live’s Fatal Fiveway between Alexa Bliss, Carmella, Nikki Bella, Natalya, and Naomi was a lot of fun and I loved it. Fast-paced, chaotic, and full of creative spots, it was kind of the perfect sequel to Sunday’s match.
It did another great job in showing off how much these women want that championship. It seems like they’re all willing to do anything in the ring to become the number one contender. Alexa Bliss steals the victory from Carmella, who once again had Nikki Bella beat until Bliss broke up Carmella’s pin attempt and covered Nikki herself.
I think Alexa Bliss winning this was the right move. She makes the most sense to challenge Becky until Eva Marie shows back up. Here’s hoping they hold off on Carmella and Nikki Bella one-on-one until No Mercy so we can get two women’s matches on the pay-per-view.
Worst: Knock Knock. Who’s There? The Ascension.
We are now on our third in-ring talking segment of this show, and I’m still not mad at my TV. That’s really saying something. This one is a contract signing. Heath Slater is here to sign his Smackdown Live contract for Shane McMahon with Rhyno by his side. They keep it short and fairly sweet, quickly being interrupted by their first challengers for the Smackdown Tag Team Titles, The Ascension.
Is there anything less intimidating than Jack Swagger in a backwards baseball cap and a wallet chain? Yes. It’s the Ascension.
I’m not entirely sure why this is happening, but now every time The Ascension walks out into the arena, I burst out laughing. It happened to me a few weeks ago and it happened again this week. There is nothing the WWE writers could write for Slater and Rhyno that would make me laugh as hard as the mere appearance of The Ascension.
The match does The Ascension no favors either. They screw up their big off-the-top rope maneuver, and the crowd doesn’t let them off the hook for it. I’ve said in the past that you could still salvage The Ascension, but even I am finally starting to think that they may be a lost cause.
R.I.P. The Ascension. You were pretty good during a particular point in time.
Worst: Nonsense
Wait. Was Bray Wyatt walking away from Erick Rowan just another step in his mind games with Randy Orton? Was it just an illusion to make Orton think he was just feuding with Bray one-on-one? Was he luring Randy into a false sense of security, all the while actually luring Orton into Bray Wyatt’s funhouse of mind games?
Those are the types of questions I’d be asking if I had the capacity to care about this whatsoever. There’s no reason for any of this to be happening.
Best: Characters, Stories, And Things Happening
This week’s Smackdown main event was perfect. The booking of the match was great; a wonderful example of the capabilities of the in-ring action being successfully used to expand upon the storylines outside the ring. First let me catch you up on how we got here.
Earlier in the night, Shane McMahon made a tag team match, pitting John Cena and Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles and a partner of his choosing. Shane informed AJ that if he couldn’t find a partner, one would be assigned to him. AJ got turned down by potential partners throughout the night, so just prior to the main event, Daniel Bryan assigned him a partner.
In one of my favorite WWE moments of the year, Daniel Bryan brings out fan favorite James Ellsworth. Yes, THE James Ellsworth from Braun Strowman squash fame.
This makes Ellsworth the second defector from Raw tonight, and by far the more important of the two.
Unfortunately before Ellsworth could get to the ring, he’s attacked by The Miz, who has decided to insert himself into the main event. So the match is Cena and Ambrose vs. Styles and The Miz, and it does a great job of playing out the storylines that were set up in segments throughout tonight’s show.
AJ Styles narrowly avoids having to face Cena and Ambrose alone, once again getting a lucky break. The Miz worked his way into the main event, but in the end still hit his WWE ceiling by being annihilated by Cena. That same annihilation also serves to remind you that oh yeah, John Cena could tie Ric Flair’s record. He just effortlessly beat the Intercontinental Champion, and we all know that’s a prestigious title.
Ambrose is once again teasing moving away from the lunatic fringe and into being just the lunatic that we all want him to be. After the match, he turns on John Cena, hitting him with Dirty Deeds. I don’t think this was meant to be an Ambrose heel turn, but the audience sure did react like it was. I think maybe this was just a case of the audience wanting to boo Dean Ambrose for a long time and them seizing the first opportunity they got.
Until next week, I’m Justin Donaldson and Smackdown Live was finally better than Talking Smack.
