The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 9/18/17: Ask Alex Riley


Previously on the Best and Worst of Raw: WWE held some on-screen performance evaluations, Braun Strowman continued to be the greatest dude in the world, and Goldust ignored 20 weeks of heel turn and angle promises to get squashed by Bray Wyatt and have his paint wiped off. A real mixed bag.

Remember that With Spandex is on Twitter, so follow it. Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter.

Note: Be sure you’re listening to our brand new With Spandex podcast MCMAHONSPLAINING! Listen to the latest episode, episode 5 with Kevin Condron here. Subscribe on iTunes while you’re at it.

One more thing: Hit those share buttons! Spread the word about the column on Facebook, Twitter and whatever else you use. Be sure to leave us a comment in our comment section below as well. Your help and participation means more than you know.

Here’s the Best and Worst of Raw for September 18, 2017.

Best: Braun Strowman Was Robbed At The Emmys

God bless Braun Strowman and Brock Lesnar for being maybe the only two guys in WWE right now who do things instead of saying them. Far too often, you get guys like Cena and Reigns standing in the middle of a ring, recapping the past week’s events and explaining in excruciating detail what they think, how they feel, what they’re going to do or have done, and how we should feel about it. Cheering or booing them becomes a decision, instead of a reaction. Brock and Braun are the guys you can count on to get pissed and flip ambulances, or suplex a 500-pound guy, or F-5 Michael Cole out of his shoes. To me, it’s so much easier to cheer for those guys. They cause the reaction instead of asking for it.

That’s why I’ve got high hopes for the “most anticipated title match in history” or whatever they’re calling it at No Mercy. Braun is great, but he’s an anomaly, and the only thing that’s ever approximated him is Brock Lesnar. It actually mirrors Cena vs. Reigns in a way, as a one-on-one “dream match” between the new model and the classic.

And speaking of actions, here’s our gored and savior Braun Strowman showing up to truck Enzo Amore for no reason.

The announce team tries to play it off as Braun “sending a message” to Brock Lesnar, but what’s the message? That Braun can destroy the weakest, most annoying guy on the show? He didn’t do that for Brock, he did that because he loves us.

Here it is in GIF form, if you’re like me and want to have this just looping in the background all day:

As an added bonus, Neville — the Kuato growing out of Braun Strowman’s torso — shows up to also truck Enzo’s unconscious body and sarcastically dance on his grave.

I’m not sure I’ve ever been more negatively anticipatory of a match result as I am for Enzo beating an overconfident Neville with a roll-up at No Mercy and winning the Cruiserweight Championship. I really hope it doesn’t happen. Enzo pinning Neville for any reason would be like the Cleveland Indians losing a baseball game to the cast of the Big Bang Theory.

Worst: Main Roster Bayley, Still

I don’t want to beat a dead horse that I’m already responsible for killing and pounding into a fine paste, but man, how far are we from NXT Bayley when she’s out here getting title matches just because she showed up, and participating in unprovoked attacks? She’s not being a good person OR earning her way. She’s just another Raw character. That bums me out. And yeah, I know Alexa Bliss is a heel or whatever, but unless Bay’s a fucking pre-cog I don’t wanna see her beat up someone who’s being friendly to her without them throwing the first hand. Bayley should be FRIENDS with Sasha Banks, she shouldn’t BE Sasha Banks.

As for Jax vs. Bliss, I don’t know, it was pretty fun while it lasted. I thought this was supposed to be a title match, mostly due to the fact that Nia hasn’t been asking for “a match” with Bliss for months, she’s been asking for a one-on-one title match, and the Playstation Vue preview caption said, “Alexa Bliss defends her women’s championship against Nia Jax.” But I guess we can’t have an actually-on-Raw-every-week title match on a pay-per-view without seeing the champ get pinned a few times first.

It is what it is. At least they’re trying to make Nia’s bedazzled garbage bag attire look a little better?

Absolutely Nothing: Losing Streak Angles

If you got something out of this Curt Hawkins vs. Apollo Crews match, you’re a better fan than I am. Who’s the person Hawkins is eventually going to beat to end the streak? Is it Asuka?

Best: Tony, We’re Here In HEAVEN And Nitro Tickets Are Going Fast. Heaven Of Course Is Best Known For Its PERLY GATES, Guarded By St. PETER … Residents Of Heaven Feel Much Safer Now That The Old Guard, St. WEASEL Doesn’t Work There Anymore. That’s Your 1-800-COLLECT Road Report, I’m Lee Marshall For 1-800-COLLECT!

I wrote a little bit about it here and here, but there will never be another Bobby Heenan. There weren’t any before him, either. He was a true pro wrestling original.

I think the sign of a wrestling icon is that they’re notable for more than one thing. When Dusty died, his loss hurt so much because yeah, he was a great pro wrestler, but he was also a great personality, a great color commentator, and instrumental in the creation and success of NXT. When Piper died, yeah, he was a great pro wrestler, but he was also a movie star and a pop culture icon. Heenan wasn’t just one thing. He was so much. He was a wrestler, a manager, a host, a color commentator, and maybe most importantly one-half of the adult hetero-lifemates whose catty conversation was the soundtrack for so many childhoods in the 1980s. To me today, he was a murderous one-liner at the end of one of Lee Marshall’s stupid calls. He’s everything, and now he’s gone, and we’ve got a little less of everything.

We’ll miss you forever, Brain. Thank you for everything. You were right about Hulk Hogan.

Best: It’s Roman Reigns, And He’s Sayin’ Stuff!

While “this is my yard now” will forever and always be the best Roman Reigns promo, last night’s Raw might’ve featured the best Roman Reigns promo in the style of promo they’ve been desperate for Roman to cut. Does that make sense?

This is the most I’ve ever liked Roman on the microphone as an actual talker. He seemed comfortable for maybe the first time ever. His face was animated. He was still corny and still leaned a little too much on the bleeped-out curse words for emphasis, but he felt like he was saying something he actually meant. He actually got decent material against Cena, too, which is something he hasn’t yet gotten while Cena was actually there in front of him. Maybe it worked because he didn’t have enraged Superbaby John Cena responding to everything with a wank and a big hand gesture and then a super serious hip-hop accented threat? The little “I’ll see you Sunday, movie star” with the salute and mic flip was great.

I am writing a wrestling column where I don’t like Bayley and think a Roman Reigns promo was good. I MAY FIND MYSELF, LIVING IN A SHOTGUN SHACK.

Worst: Ask Alex Riley

NO, DON’T, HE’S JUST GONNA TELL YOU HE’S HUNGRY.

Best/Worst: Brothers! They’re Brothers! It’s Like Brothers!

Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose have settled nicely into their role as the babyface leads of the Raw tag team division, which you can tell by this Vince McMahon-ass promo about how Sheamus and Cesaro look like Taxi Driver had ugly babies with Braveheart — not those characters’ names — and how they can’t believe what Sheamus and Cesaro are wearing! I expected Rollins to start waving his hand in front of his nose and offering Cesaro a mint. Maybe Ambrose could call him something a 5-year old would come up with like “garbage breath” so the crowd would start chanting “GAR-BAGE BREATH! GAR-BAGE BREATH!”

Seriously though, Dean Ambrose is out here with hair like a newborn baby, wearing jeggings and a t-shirt that says NO GOOD DEAN across the chest, insulting someone ELSE’S fashion sense? Seth Rollins being dressed like a Power Ranger has been a point of pride. Hell, aside from adding a Jumpman logo Roman Reigns hasn’t changed his clothes in five years. None of those Shield guys have room to talk.

This results it an almost 20-minute triple threat match (!!) though, which I thought for sure would end up on the No Mercy card. It’s probably good that they keep the pay-per-view version as two-on-two, because tag team wrestling is the best thing even if we’ve only got one match (Sheamus and Cesaro vs. Rollins and Ambrose, and New Day vs. the Usos) on each show. It’s put together well and decently fun, and they didn’t have the tag champs get pinned by anybody, so I’ve gotta give it a Best.

Let’s hope the tag title match on Sunday gets some time, is as good as the version at SummerSlam, and that the build to the next cycle involves a different challenger. I’ve got a bad feeling they’re gonna switch the titles back so they can have an excuse to do another “rematch” at TLC.

Worst: Aw Man (Vs. Man)

I didn’t think they could make Bray Wyatt any more boring, and then they went and announced a “man vs. man” match at No Mercy. I hope they build to another match at TLC and call it a “REGULAR MATCH.”

Last week, Bray Wyatt pinned Goldust in like two minutes and wiped off his face paint. It was weird because Goldie was suddenly a sympathetic babyface again, after spending the last 20 weeks or so turning heel, sitting in a chair backstage and making a bunch of angle promises he couldn’t keep. So this week, he’s backstage without the face paint as Dustin Rhodes, asking for his OWN man vs. man match and … losing in like two minutes.

It’s not bad, really. Dustin understands that if you’re wrestling a grudge match you should just run at the guy and start punching instead of like, Irish whipping them and working headlocks, but it’s just too short and he’s too much of an afterthought for it to register. Certainly not on him. To make matters worse, the post-match angle is just Finn Bálor on the TitanTron in a studio cutting a Bray Wyatt-ass promo about how it is actually the MAN who is dangerous, not the demon. Again, this would probably mean a lot more if we hadn’t already seen Wyatt beat Finn as “the man,” and lose to him as “the demon.” You can’t start with the demon and build to Normal Finn Bálor, guys, especially if you aren’t gonna differentiate between the two.

Also, poor Goldust. I hope they get him and Cody to team at WCW PRESENTS HOUSE SHOW in November.

Worst: STOP DOING GOOD MATCHES FOR 2:30

Raw has really mastered the underwhelming 2 minutes, 30 seconds match. Both Goldust/Wyatt and Neville/Gran Metalik go 2:30, are both matches you might actually like to see in a longer form, and both sacrifice the good work they include by ending before anything can stick or matter.

Neville vs. Gran Metalik is the kind of match the cruiserweight division should be built around. Metalik should be allowed an actual character and allowed to at least attempt to connect to audiences, and Neville should be given opponents who are ostensibly different from him in style and presentation, but work a complimentary style. And I don’t want to sound melodramatic here, but if Neville squashes Máscara Dorada and loses to Enzo Amore on Sunday, the cruiserweight division is officially both stupid and dead.

Best-ish: An Intercontinental Championship Angle Being The Main Story Of The Episode

Here’s a rarity: Raw began and ended with an Intercontinental Championship angle. And while not all of it worked perfectly, it was an attempt at doing a positive and desperately needed thing.

It featured three steps:

1. A match with consequences, involving input from the wrestlers, featuring wrestlers who don’t normally get the main event in a main event slot.

The show opens with Kurt Angle making a fatal four-way to determine who’ll face The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship at No Mercy, responding to Miz’s very real criticism that he and the IC strap got the absolute shaft working in front of 15 people in the dawn of the SummerSlam pre-show. Miz complains about Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel not being in the match, so Jason Jordan babyfaces up and gets them added. Miz points out how stupid this is, because now Jordan has even less of a chance of winning.

2. Character development based on what happens on the show.

Backstage, Angle gets fatherly with Jordan about the stupid decision he made, and explains that while fighting 24/7 and getting hot about everything seems noble in the moment, sometimes the better decision that requires more strength is not fighting. And sure, the segment kinda comes off like an after-school special about the dangerous of teenage steroid abuse or whatever, but it shows some character motivation based on the opening segment, AND gives Angle and Jordan some much-needed on-screen time together as father and son. Angle should be coaching this dude on a weekly basis, not just saying “He’s my son,” putting him in title matches for no reason and backing away to let him “make his own way.” You don’t drop a soap opera story into our laps and then step back to say it happened organically, you know?

Also, is Kurt ever gonna worry about who was trying to blackmail him, or nah

3. A match with stakes, to set up another match with stakes.

That leads to the Syxx-pac Challenge, with Jason Jordan atoning for his hot-headed mistake, getting the win, and earning a title shot at The Miz at No Mercy.

The reason I only gave this a Best-ish instead of a full-on Best is because of how the main event actually shakes out. This should’ve been Jordan’s chance to capitalize on the good will of the Cena and Reigns singles matches and shine, but he doesn’t really get to. He just kinda lucks into winning the match thanks to some good timing, and then spends the post-match getting shit-kicked by three guys. Not the best performance. And now the momentum of those marquee singles matches where he proved himself are more or less forgotten in favor of this go-home image of him getting into a match he didn’t really deserve to be in because of his dad, making things harder on himself, lucking into a win and then immediately losing. It’s not the worst call ever, I guess, but it’s not the one I would’ve made.

Still, it’s an IC title story with a beginning, a middle and an end that gets a featured spot as the spine of a Raw episode, and that should happen more often.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week

Caz

as a bastard of Pittsburgh, his name should be Jason Three Rivers

Harry Longabaugh

Dallas wins. At No Mercy, we get the Finger Bo-ke of Doom.

Brocky

Enzo on the trainer’s table:

“and you tell Neville, that Sunday, I’m taking…”

“I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!!”

pdragon619

Don’t ask Alex Riley, you should SAY IT TO HIS FACE!!!!!!!

Baron Von Raschke

The Miz promo had heart, but Enzo getting murdered had Enzo getting murdered….

Redshirt

I’m all for ending Raw with all wrestlers coming out and hitting their finishers on Enzo’s corpse.

Royal Bumble

Hey, as long as Enzo’s still in the ring, I think Brock should be given the chance to offer a rebuttal.

Cami

All this will be worth it when Bray Wyatt faces Seven next week.

Mr. Bliss

Is Curt Hawkins the child of the Mike and Maria Kanellis sent back in time?

Clay Quartermain

I want the Rashamon episode of Story Time where we get everyone’s pov on the Vince-Titus incident


That’s it for this week’s show. As of now, that leaves the No Mercy card as:

  • Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman in a nuclear hoss fight for the Universal Championship
  • John Cena vs. Roman Reigns in a sarcastic dick-measuring competition
  • the MAN VS. MAN match
  • Most Of A Shield vs. The Bar for the tag titles
  • Neville vs. Slimey the Worm for the Cruiserweight Championship
  • Emma winning the Raw Women’s Championship so Asuka can show up on Monday and jettison her into outer space
  • The Miz vs. Jangle for the IC strap

Thanks for reading, and make sure you’re here on Sunday for our No Mercy coverage. If you’re gonna be live for the show, find me and say hi. Pay-per-views in Hollywood! I feel like Jeremy Piven!

And of course, be sure to listen to the McMahonsplaining podcast

[protected-iframe id=”f0517b883ca012763301b3c5863c72bc-60970621-10222937″ info=”https://omny.fm/shows/mcmahonsplaining/episode-6-triple-h-and-stephanie-mcmahon/embed?style=artwork” width=”100%” height=”180″ frameborder=”0″]

×