Here’s the gimmick: every week we take someone else’s Smackdown spoilers report and jump to a bunch of snarky conclusions about it without having seen the episode. This week, we have the go-home show for WWE ROADBLOCK, aka WWE “Why Are There So Many Weeks Between Fastlane And WrestleMania, Who Scheduled This?”
On this week’s show, the midcard kills time and The Miz gets involved in a feud that has nothing to do with him, for no reason.
Here’s What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
* Miz TV with Sami Zayn and WWE Intercontinental Champion Kevin Owens opens the show. Sami is brought out first and he gets a big pop. Miz disrespects him and out comes Owens to interrupt. Neville comes down and interrupts with Words for Owens. They get into it and Miz attacks Sami, leading to a tag team match.
1. Sami Zayn and Neville defeated The Miz and Kevin Owens. Welcome to this week’s most Smackdown match! The show opens with Zayn on Miz TV, which I sincerely hope involves Miz insulting Zayn for coming up through NXT instead of Tough Enough. Owens interrupts and everyone fights, but HOLE ON A MINNET PLAYA, it’s gonna be a tag TEAM match! Zayn pins Miz, because that’s why Miz is allowed into other people’s feuds.
2. Brie Bella defeated Summer Rae. 50/50 booking contractually obligated WWE to do this match. Only having one idea obligated them to end it by having Lana show up and hit Brie with a facebuster.
– Chris Jericho cuts a promo and gets interrupted by AJ Styles. Styles is then attacked by … The Ascension? Did Viktor walk up to Vince McMahon like, “hey Vince, look, I’m okay with you making us sh*tty Road Warriors that always lose, but if AJ Styles ever gets signed I get to wrestle him on Smackdown. That’s the deal, okay?”
3. King Barrett and Sheamus defeated Sin Cara and Kalisto. King Take-a-pin defeats the only person on the roster more broken and helpless than himself by hitting Sin Cara with a Bullhammer Elbow.
– Ryback cuts a promo on Kalisto. I’m assuming this is the entirety of hour two. According to a more detailed report, he’s still talking.
4. Dean Ambrose, Dolph Ziggler and The Usos defeated The Wyatt Family. Ambrose is the new Reigns, Ziggler is the new Ambrose. They’re both from Ohio and hate The Authority, that’s all you need! The Wyatt Family continue to be the Pac-Man Dying Noise of pro wrestling.
And that’s our show!
