There’s a lot of mystery heading into WWE’s TLC pay-per-view this Sunday. There’s some confusion about the Universal title picture, there’s talent being underutilized, and the product has flashes of excitement, but shades of staleness.
It’s time to let our hair down and get a little fantastical, a little weird. For this very special roundtable post I invited some trusted (and funny) minds of wrestling to answer some playful questions about TLC. The roundtable includes new With Spandex hire Brian O’Connell, the very-good-at-Twitter Paolo Sambrano, and extra talented graphic designer (and creator of the Raw Breakdown Project) Kate Foray.
Let’s say you have to add a fourth member of The Shield that will do a run-in on Sunday night. If you choose to keep the Shield intact, then you will never get to watch wrestling again and also pizza will taste like candy corn forever. Who is it and why?
Brian O’Connell: Chris Goddamn Hero because CM Punk knows how to create a faction. Hero strapping on the black SWAT gear will be the best gear he has ever had in his life and we book him like a cross between Big Boss Man, Gregg Allman and Dog The Bounty Hunter.
Kate Foray: FIRST OFF, CANDY CORN IS DELICIOUS.
American Badass Undertaker. Because he appreciates Roman retiring Taker, and he wants to fight Braun Strowman in an actual lumberjack match.
Also, remember how great that entrance was?
Paolo Sambrano: Strap a flak jacket and wake (or) break Matt Hardy; Kane isn’t the only 90’s act that can beef against current talent. All this only for a Woken/Broken Matt Hardy to turn on The Shield, because the seven deities had premonitions about the Series of Survival. Barring that, Kurt Angle as Colonel Sanders with nobody acknowledging it is Kurt Angle as Colonel Sanders. What else does a paramilitary outfit need, dare I say crave, but someone with someone who has experience commanding troops and frying chicken in a Kentucky style?
Chris Trew: Anyone but Randy Orton, which is what would probably happen if a fourth member was ever considered. I’d rather eat candy corn every day for the rest of my life than see Orton boss around Seth Rollins in a swat team vest.