Your Official With Spandex NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 9 Predictions And Analysis

The wait is almost over.  New Japan Pro Wrestling’s WRESTLE KINGDOM 9 comes to us Sunday (or very, very late on Saturday night) on pay-per-view, presented by Global Force Wrestling.  We know who’s on commentary, we know all the mystery tag team partners, all that’s left is to pack the Tokyo Dome to capacity and make some magic.  Since this is such a big deal, I figured I should give you guys and gals a one-man version of our trademark prediction thread, much like the ones we do for WWE’s major shows.  Make sure to weigh in with your picks down in the comments section!

Here’s your complete Wrestle Kingdom 9 card:

  1. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championship four-way match: reDRagon (c) vs. Time Splitters vs. Forever Hooligans vs. The Young Bucks
  2. Six-man tag team match: Tomoaki Honma, Satoshi Kojima, and Hiroyoshi Tenzan vs. Bullet Club (Jeff Jarrett, Yujiro Takahashi, and Bad Luck Fale)
  3. Eight-man tag team match: Suzukigun (Takashi Iizuka, Shelton X Benjamin, Lance Archer, and Davey Boy Smith, Jr.) vs. Toru Yano, Naomichi Marufuji, Shane Haste, and Mikey Nicholls
  4. UWF Rules match: Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Minoru Suzuki
  5. NEVER Openweight Championship match: Tomohiro Ishii (c) vs. Togi Makabe
  6. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship match: Ryusuke Taguchi (c) vs. Kenny Omega
  7. IWGP Tag Team Championship match: Bullet Club (Doc Gallows and Karl Anderson) (c) vs. Meiyu Tag (Hirooki Goto and Katsuyori Shibata)
  8. AJ Styles vs. Tetsuya Naito
  9. IWGP Intercontinental Championship match: Shinsuke Nakamura (c) vs. Kota Ibushi
  10. IWGP Heavyweight Championship match: Hiroshi Tanahashi (c) vs. Kazuchika Okada

Let’s go through it, match by match.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championship four-way match: reDRagon (c) vs. Time Splitters vs. Forever Hooligans vs. The Young Bucks

What Should Happen: Chaotic fun.  Ideally, this will be as fun as the four-way match for the same titles that kicked off Wrestle Kingdom 8 a year ago.  You’ve even got three of the same teams, so you don’t really need to screw with the recipe that much.  Alex Koslov of the Hooligans needs to start with the Russian anthem and get hilariously interrupted once again.  Also, the entrances need to catch us from the beginning. Time Splitters came to the ring in a got-dang Delorean last year, nothing short of live teleportation will raise the bar.  Also, Taka Michinoku and Taichi need to show up just to mess with people.  They’re good at that.

What Will Happen: I’m thinking we’ll see a title change here.  reDRagon is a Ring of Honor team, and ROH has been a bit stingy with their talent lately.  Kyle O’Reilly dropped the PWG title recently, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the reason.  Regardless of how good or bad the ROH/NJPW working relationship may be, I think we’ll see new champions here – the only team without extensive American ties, the Time Splitters.

Six-man tag team match: Tomoaki Honma, Satoshi Kojima, and Hiroyoshi Tenzan vs. Bullet Club (Jeff Jarrett, Yujiro Takahashi, and Bad Luck Fale)

What Should Happen: Domination from the New Japan squad.  Jeff Jarrett is at Wrestle Kingdom in the year of our lord Two Thousand And Fifteen, stuff needs to get RIDICULOUS here.  Bullet Club is great at playing up the Ugly American trope, but it has to be played comedically here.  I want Jarrett to realize just how bad he f*cked up as he’s staring at an oncoming Kojima lariat.

What Will Happen: Jarrett accidentally hits one of his team members with a guitar.  Kojima hits at least 200 chops on him in the corner before strong-arming him into oblivion.  Also, this is the Tokyo Dome… Honma absolutely MUST hit his trademark Kokeshi headbutt.  The place will come unglued.

Eight-man tag team match: Suzukigun (Takashi Iizuka, Shelton X Benjamin, Lance Archer, and Davey Boy Smith, Jr.) vs. Toru Yano, Naomichi Marufuji, Shane Haste, and Mikey Nicholls

What Should Happen: A strong showing from the guest stars.  It’s something of a Wrestle Kingdom tradition to bring in special guests for the show.  Last year saw The Great Muta teaming up with Toru Yano, and this year Yano once again sent out a distress signal and got a trio of Pro Wrestling NOAH stars.  Marufuji is basically NOAH’s answer to Tanahashi, while Haste and Nicholls are a top tag team collectively known as TMDK (The Mighty Don’t Kneel).  Lance Archer should stay in Japan for the remainder of January and resolve to not kill Brandon.

What Will Happen: Marufuji finally gets his big Tokyo Dome showcase.  Expect him and Benjamin to mix it up and start some fireworks.  Yano’s squad gets the win and puts away his long feud with Suzukigun.  I will screw up at some point and call Haste and Nicholls “TMBG” (They Might Be Giants).

UWF Rules match: Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Minoru Suzuki

What Should Happen: A SLOBBERKNOCKER.  Here you have two honest-to-God shootfighting legends, and they hate each other’s guts.  Hell, this match could end via Mortal Kombat fatality.  This match is happening under UWF rules, which means that there must be a winner via knockout, submission, or referee stoppage.  Ken Shamrock and Royce Gracie should be at ringside as The Ghosts of MMA Past.

What Will Happen: A SLOBBERKNOCKER.  This isn’t as gimmicky as the weird MMA showcase Sakuraba had at last year’s show, so we’ll get a decisive answer to the Top NJPW Shootfighter debate.  Sakuraba makes Suzuki tap after a hard-fought battle.  Maybe a handshake after the match?  I doubt it, but it’d be nice.

NEVER Openweight Championship match: Tomohiro Ishii (c) vs. Togi Makabe

What Should Happen: Hope you’re not tired of the word “slobberknocker,” because this is where we hit our quota.  Ishii and Makabe are incredibly physical guys, and they’ll trade home-run shots all night.  This should be where Ishii proves himself to New Japan fans.  He’s gone unheralded for too long, and he’ll shine here.

What Will Happen: Makabe takes every shot in the chamber and still can’t put Ishii down.  Ishii hits his brainbuster for the win and starts a very bright 2015.  These two are sort of parallel-dimension versions of each other, so I don’t see why Makabe wouldn’t want to pass the torch here.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship match: Ryusuke Taguchi (c) vs. Kenny Omega

What Should Happen: A match where charisma shines through.  As good as Taguchi is, I miss the old days of FUNKY WEAPON~, when he was basically a real-life version of Spike Spiegel.  Speaking of anime characters come to life, Canadian journeyman Kenny Omega is now the Bullet Club’s hitman and he is OWNING it.  I hope the seriousness of a title defense doesn’t drain the spirit out of this one.

What Will Happen: Omega’s fellow Bullet Club members do their best to foul things up, but Taguchi was there at the very beginning of the Club… he knows their game plan too well.  He thwarts the interference, kicks out of Omega’s awesome new finisher (THE ONE-WINGED ANGEL), and eventually triumphs.  And then he dances, because what the world needs in 2015 is more funk.

IWGP Tag Team Championship match: Bullet Club (Doc Gallows and Karl Anderson) (c) vs. Meiyu Tag (Hirooki Goto and Katsuyori Shibata)

What Should Happen: More of the “Bullet Club is in over their heads” vibe from the six-man match earlier.  Gallows and Anderson will walk into the Tokyo Dome on their 365th day as champions.  That’s super impressive, but the cockiness they’ve built over that year needs to eventually be their downfall.  As winners of the World Tag League, Goto and Shibata are back on the same page, and they’ll be a well-oiled machine by this point.

What Will Happen: Unfazed by the antics of their opponents, Goto and Shibata instantly go into the business of Murder By Kicks, and business is good.  Again, don’t be surprised if Bullet Club members like Tama Tonga try to run interference.  Meiyu Tag wins, and Bullet Club continues their downward spiral, until…

AJ Styles vs. Tetsuya Naito

What Should Happen: Two men trying to make a desperate statement.  AJ Styles is coming off a strong run as IWGP Heavyweight Champion, and this match on the big stage is what he needs to prove that he was no fluke.  Naito, on the other hand, is sort of defined by his big losses.  He was NJPW’s grand experiment – a somewhat unproven guy who won the G1 Climax but came up short at Wrestle Kingdom.  This is can’t-lose territory for both men.

What Will Happen: Lots of springboard offense.  Both guys like to fly, so this will be fast and furious.  AJ may do what he did at G1 this year and order the Bullet Club to stand down so he can prove himself.  He wants a win with no asterisk, and I think he’ll get it.  Another tough break for Naito.  Actually, given the reputation of the Styles Clash, I probably shouldn’t use the word “break.”

IWGP Intercontinental Championship match: Shinsuke Nakamura (c) vs. Kota Ibushi

What Should Happen: The match of the night, and perhaps a very early contender for one of 2015’s best matches.  Both of these men are on some next-level sh*t right now.  Nakamura has his textbook strong style with generous helpings of #SWAG, and Ibushi’s aerial skill borders on the impossible.  Plus, Ibushi is on something of a mean streak right now. He’s usually the one getting called out, not vice versa.  SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE, FOLKS.

What Will Happen: Nakamura somehow tops his Wrestle Kingdom 8 stripper harem entrance.  Ibushi executes his game plan perfectly, but he can’t keep the King of Strong Style down.  He goes to the well once too often and gets caught with a mid-air Boma Ye.  Nakamura retains, and the world is better for having seen this match.

IWGP Heavyweight Championship match: Hiroshi Tanahashi (c) vs. Kazuchika Okada

What Should Happen: Something epic.  Something worthy.  Something that screams “Main Event.”  The rivalry these two have built is probably the thing that this era of New Japan will be remembered for.  This is Flair/Steamboat, this is Austin/Rock.  These two are the best NJPW has to offer, and I don’t think we’ll be disappointed for expecting the best out of them.

What Will Happen: The living definition of “evenly matched,” right down to dueling theatrical entrances.  These two know each other so well.  You’re going to see awesome counter sequences here.  And the outcome?  Well, I’m one of the biggest Okada fans you will ever find… and I think he’s losing here.  Just as Okada faced a lot of worthy challengers during his reign as champion, it’s now time for Tanahashi to test the field.  He’s not done with Bullet Club just yet, but after he deals with them, I think he’ll go on to make superstars out of guys like Ibushi and Shibata.  Plus, there’s still plenty of time to revisit this rivalry.  Don’t tell me that Okada doesn’t eventually go out on top, guys.  He may lose battles, but he’s too smart to lose wars.  And that’s exactly what Tanahashi/Okada has become… war.

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