With the 2012 Summer Olympics in London less than 100 days away, we realize that there are very few sports outside of basketball we really give a damn about. So, to help give the prestigious Olympic committee an idea of what we’d rather be watching instead of synchronized swimming, rowing or frikkin’ badminton, we’ve compiled a quick list of ten events that would almost definitely increase viewership and ensure ours.
You never know. A lot can happen in three months.
1. “Assault” From American Gladiators
Chances are if you’ve ever tuned into any one of the many incarnations of American Gladiators, it was either to watch hot chicks fight each other or to see Assault. Quite different than the kind of assault that puts people in jail, this was the game where someone perched up in that awesome, Styrofoam tower and shot tennis balls from a cannon at competitors, who did everything they could to avoid leaving with welts. If we’re lucky, maybe they’ll even bring back Ice, who we would’ve happily let kick our ass.
Despite the fact they didn’t write the film, the first flick featuring South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone was and still is the best movie they’ve been a part of. Centering around two misfits who accidentally invent a H.O.R.S.E.-like sport with baseball rules, the game took off in the film and would undoubtedly add some much needed hi-jinx to the games this summer in London. After all, who wouldn’t want to see the psych-out mastered on international television?
Anyone who’s been to a college get-together in the past ten years can undoubtedly say they’ve played this beer-drinker’s game of choice. And, even though the rules vary depending on your surroundings, the outcome always makes for an entertaining party. Hell, Grandma’s even been known to partake, so any age limitations the Olympics uphold would be right out the window.
During one of the best episodes of The Office, Dwight and big boss Michael leave the quirky workforce unattended for the day and The Office Olympics ensue. Unlike most real Olympic activities, these consisted of made-up games like Hateball and M&M-eating contests. However, one event that wold translate well in real life would be Flonkerton, which found two contestants strapping boxes of paper reems to their feet while attempting to race. It might seem easy at first, but you’d need some serious leg work to move those bad boys.