We here at TSS do not advocate violence. In fact, we promote love, peace and soul*. However, there are a few people who could benefit from a good old fashion punch to the face. Not out of disrespect or hatred, okay, maybe one or two, but moreso out of love if anything. Sometimes, a right hook is needed to knock some sense when a person has either gone crazy or turned into a douchebag. So if you’re out and about and spot one of these punchable faces, be a friend.
*Unless, of course, your gangsta is tested.
1. Chris Brown
We might as well list Chris Brown first and get it out the way. Who knew the happy dancing little kid from that “Run It” video would turn out to be such a major dick? How does one beat up his girlfriend, get into altercationswith other singers, throw temper tantrums then turn around and compare his ridicule to that of Jesus Christ?
2. Dwight Howard
The whole city of Orlando deserves to punch this goofy ass bitch ass bastardface fucktard right in the jaw, especially Van Gundy. Dwight, you have been cursed by the basketball gods and no good will come to you or any team you play for until you do right by Stan! And now you’re reportedly telling other players you’re coming to Brooklyn? You piece of unloyal shit!
3. Kanye West
We don’t know when Kanye West got super annoying. Yea, he pretty much told us he was an asshole on College Dropout. But sometime between then and now, he turned from an asshole to a pretentious ranting pansy. Aside from money, you would think dicking down some of the most baddest bitches and even getting one of them pregnant would make any man happy.
No, not for Donda’s baby boy.
Kanye West is the dude who’s held up every line you’ve ever been on. Yeah, he’s that guy. The guy who asks to speak with a manager for the most trivial shit and proceeds to rant about it. We all know that guy and we all want to punch him in the face.
4. Russell Westbrook
Look, Russell is good and there’s probably a ring or two in his future. But it’s obvious that he doesn’t know this or else he wouldn’t be throwing bitch-fits every chance he gets. We get it, dude! You’re super passionate! But goddammit man…cool your jets! And while we’re at it, about your not-so-stylish fashion choices, what the eff, bro?
5. Lance Armstrong
Cancer be damned, Lance deserves to be on this list for finally coming clean about doping. EVERYONE knew he was on that stuff, except the children who looked up to him. Now with no role model, kids will be forced to choose other sports that aren’t as crappy as riding your bicycle for long periods of time. Congrats Lance, you just told kids Santa wasn’t real.
6. Donald Trump
Donald Trump is one of those people we were talking about in the intro. People who just need to be punched out of disrespect. In Donald’s case, this toupee’d troll might need two right hooks to bring him down to reality. Perhaps one for trolling President Obama and another for threatening to sue Mac Miller.
7. Swizz Beatz
We don’t hate Swizz. But yo, we really just want to punch dude right in the schnoz whenever we press play on any of his records. Kaseem is the anti-hype man.
8. Lupe Fiasco
This is where we think punching someone might literally knock some sense into them. We would very much like to test this theory out with Lupe Fiasco, who has apparently lost his damn mind and we would be happy to assist him in finding it at the end of our fists.
9. Justin Bieber
Do we really need a reason? Okay, thought so. Moving on…
10. Lil Wayne
What? Did you think we were going to close out this list and not include Wayne? F*ck past instances. Wayne should catch a fade for this month’s shenanigans alone. Chris Bosh might be too busy though.