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THE VARIETY SLANGUAGE MEETING

“All I Want For Christmas…”

By / 11.20.08

I suppose since Thanksgiving is next week it’s safe to start thinking about Christmas. But maybe if you’re without kids, Christmas has lost it’s luster. There’s not much I want that I usually don’t have by the time December 25th rolls around. My girlfriend says I’m impossible to shop for because I’m always buying stuff. She had planned on getting me a new digital camera – I bought one in July. I buy shoes all the time and the ones I want now are slated to release the day after Christmas.

So going through my Google Reader that had been neglected all weekend, I came across this remote controlled tarantula on Gizmo Ave. Although I have no real need or opportunity to use it present day, if I could get this and a Wayback Machine I’d be in business.

See back in high school, McDonald’s was my place of employment and we used to clown back in the grill area. All day everyday. When the Beanie Babies were all the rage we used to play with them when we were slow. One day this dude keeps coming back and complaining that we weren’t making his sandwich right. It had too much ketchup, then we forgot the pickles, then the meat was too old. I got to the tipping point by the time my manager came back the fourth time telling us to make this fool’s sandwich right. When that bun came out the toaster, I put a Beanie Baby on that joint and sent it up like it was all good. Dude smiled, threw up the deuce, and walked out the door.

Literally five minutes later, he came back pissed the fuck off. Red as hell and cussing up a storm, he was ready to charge behind the front counter. Finally, my manager had enough and told dude she never wanted to see him in our store again. We laughed about that for weeks and whenever I run into someone I used to work with it always comes up. I can only imagine how much better it would have been with the remote control one above.

So yeah. All I want for Christmas is a remote controlled tarantula and a Wayback Machine. It would probably only be good for one use and I would’ve been fired.

But it would’ve been worth it.

Remote Control Tarantula via Gizmo Ave.

Loosies

Colin Munroe Feat. Wale – Will I Stay (Remix)

Uncle Murda – Back On My Bullshit

The Dream – Cringing

Evidence & Alchemist-So Fresh

Lil’ Wayne – Hot Revolver

Articulate – Amazing (Bmore Club Remix)

Fokis Feat. Maq, Mr. MFN eXquire, Adullessence & Donny Goines – A Walk Through Myspace

K-Doe Feat Street Lord Juan & Short Dawg – Diamonds In My Chain

Loosies


TAGSChristmasGizmo AveMCDONALDSMP3sMusicRemote Control TarantulaWayback Machine

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