Ever wondered how we got here?
On November 16, 2003, I was drunk.
That didn’t make sense? Let me try again.
On November 16, 2003, I was drunk.
I had a pretty ugly car accident. Knocked around another car. Cracked my head open. 40+ staples. Blood. Concussion. Incoherent like a motherfucker…but just coherent enough to raise so much hell that the ER doctor let me walk out of the hospital with nobody there to be held accountable for me.
I went to Juan’s, rested.
On November 17, 2003, I got drunk again. Some tequila. I don’t drink tequila. I don’t drink clear liquor. But it was the only thing she had in her house. Since I couldn’t leave, I drank tequila.
Now, the two to three months previous to November 16th were dramatic & hectic. The short version? Blackouts. Arguments & altercations. I had a steady who, after I told her pops “You ain’t shit and I’ll kick yo motherfuckin ass” as I pointed my finger in his face… well, she wasn’t my steady no more. A couple of wrecked vehicles. My mom crackin me upside the held with a glass (it was an accident.) An OJ type “pursuit” on a city street (don’t ask.) Spending a few nights here & there in holding cells & drunk tanks. Once, with a mink on.
Aside – Gotty™, why the fuck you have a mink? It don’t get that cold down there. Hey! I bought it when I was drunk. Don’t get me started on the matching Mauri’s with mink lining the collars.
After years & years of abusing substances, I was pretty hellbent on destruction. Self-destruction. That’s fine with me because I never intended to be around for long & I’ve always been pretty goal-oriented. The bad part was that I was draggin’ a lot of people down the path with me.
Then on November 18, 2003 a culmination of everything & the support of fam & friends helped me to see the light.
And I haven’t had a drink since.
Not a drink. Not a puff. Not a toot. Nada.
That may sound somewhat odd (or maybe easy depending on who you are.) But me being who I am, there’s never an in between. There was no “Whoa, I got a little tipsy last night.” It was always “Goddamn…who flipped over the refrigerator, where’s my car & why is she here?” Daily. It’s either all or nothing. I do/did something, it was balls to the wall, rock out with your cock out.
You’ve heard this part of the story before, right?
Good, we’ll keep it moving.
Once I stopped drinking, Lord knows, I needed something to keep me occupied, somewhere to focus my energy. I’d been online with the shoe thing. Loved the nature of the online beast. I gravitated towards my other love thing – music.
A few months of sobriety. The email list, “you should make it bigger; maybe a website” yadda ya, badda bing badda boom. Voilà. Almost 7 million motherfuckers later, here we are.
I’m far from “recovered” because as the medical terminology goes, once you’re an addict, you’re always an addict. I believe that. Have you noticed how my addict tendencies have trickled in my buying tendencies or how rapidly & often we update?
I do admit that my life is much more orderly these days. Normal. I go to bed @ a decent hour. Set aside time for family. Don’t curse out waitresses or valets. I got people now. People who have little recognition of who I once was. The violence & outbursts. The cowboy always into something. The hustler who might go MIA for a few days, leaving people worried & sleepless.
And I still got people who did know me then. Knew me when I wasn’t shit. In fact, I was more akin to the shit stain on the tissue that should have been flushed. But they didn’t and for that I’m appreciative. There are still wounds but
I we work to mend them.
So in my own arrogant honor, I propose a toast.
Pour yourself a shot. Twist one up. Roll that dollar bill up.
Have a blast in honor of your folk.
I can’t join you in the physical. But I’ll be right there with you, in a moment of my own happiness.
Bahamadia – Kollage
DJ Skee, DJ Reflex & Jonny Shipes Present- Nippsey Hussle’s Bullets Aint Got No Name
DJ Noize – Best Of Paul Wall
Amp Fiddler, Sly & Robbie – Inspiration Information
Deborah Cox – The Promise
Ledisi – It’s Christmas