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SAINT ANDREW'S NET: I THINK I'M A SOFA

Teddy Pain & The Indeterminate Road To A Resurrection

By / 09.24.09

The power of influence is a lethal weapon. Relevancy, one of its key components, has the parallel advantage to cause irrelevancy strangely enough. This sparkling piece of philosophy was exercised in full some three odd months ago when Jay-Z declared Auto-Tune to be dead as a lead-off for his most recent album, the admissible Blueprint 3. The swipe, albeit a minor blow in the realm of musical excellence, was bulked up more so by the message than anything else. And it was undoubtedly heard. No longer were willy-nilly acts shooting to the top of the charts with the wave of an engineer’s hand. Ron Browz, who was all over the rap map “rotatin” with CNN and jumping out proverbial windows, saw his future-debut-brick displayed on ice without hesitation.

The one who served the most to lose of course was T-Pain. There was some speculation Jigga murmured “good riddance” to the nappy boy after his performance at this year’s Summer Jam. The rumour swelled, despite his stating multiple times “D.O.A.” wasn’t an attack against the software sanga or even the Kanye’s and other top-tier artists that mastered the melody.

But regardless, all points of subliminal vendettas are rather moot seeing that T-Pain is well…T-Pain. If would take quite the direct blow and vat of ether (none which apply for “D.O.A.”), to knock him off his pivot. Not like the sentiment was totally mutual, either. You can hear the tinge of distortion in long-term Jay-Z collaborator Mary J. Blige’s Buddhist chants on her latest smash “The One” with rookie-of-the-year frontrunner Drake, taking a hit of the processor all the same. T-Pain’s music is synonymous with the sound so any change-ups at this point would be risky no matter what the consumer reports are stating.

However, Jay may reign supreme after all. The impression left from the feather-ruffling single combined with T-Pain’s own insecurities might prove to be the seal to his tomb after all. Nobody’s counting out Mr. Penderassdown off the strength of the summer’s festivities but Jigga did leave him with enough rope to hang himself. If the music isn’t up to standard — most notably to that of Greatest Hits fare such as “Can’t Believe It,” “Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin’)” or “Blame It” — then consider Operation “D.O.A.” supreme victor.

You’ll probably hear him, unfazed, coining the infamous line “Don’t call it a comeback” in future promo interviews. He needs to. Trends die hard and, while he may have pioneered the movement for the new generation, the unamusing spectacle of Jimmy Fallon pouncing around the stage during the Emmy Awards may be that rusty nail that needs to be hammered into the coffin.

All you have in this industry are your balls & your hits. And here’s the first rounds blasted from T-Pain’s RevolveR. To quote the antagonist: “If you draw/It better be Picasso/Ya know, the best/cause if this is not so…

I’m sure you know the rest.

Na-na-naaaa-na…heyyyy…heyyy…heyyy…goodbyeeeee…

Download — T-Pain Feat. Shawnna – “Dope”

Download — T-Pain – “Take Your Shirt Off”


TOPICS#Jay-Z#jimmy fallon
TAGSD.O.A. (Death Of Auto-Tune)REVOLVERSMOKE BREAKT-PAIN

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