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“A Fight, A Fight…”

By 10.10.09

TC & I flipped a coin. I lost so I’m stuck translating another fight for you on a Saturday morning.

The participants are a tall Chinese lady & a Black lady. The scene, a Chinatown bus in San Fran. Roll tape.

0:00 – 0:22 – Initial glances in the early seconds say that the Chinese lady has the Yao Ming height & wingspan advantage. Plus she just looks a little huskier. But in typical fashion, little spunky sister has a mouthpiece on her, barking quiet loud. If she had stopped talking long enough to recognize her surroundings, she probably would’ve noticed that she was outnumbered in ethnicity alone & just K.I.M.

Furthermore, when one of the participants is making bold proclamations like “Put your hands on me” & “Put your hands on me & you won’t walk off this bus,” it’s usually all lies. They’re just trying to reason using loud decibels to invoke fear in the other party.

0:26 – 0:28 – All that talking Sister Francis was doing (yeah, that’s what I’m calling her, fack it) is deaded when the Chinese lady manages to blurt “You A stupid.” Right then, I’d be brainfucked enough & confused to realize something just wasn’t right. Me? If I’m in this situation, I’m thinking either this bitch is retarded…or I am for arguing with her.

0:30 – 0:35 – While Francis is still requesting that Lady Marmalade lay hands on her, Marmalade’s Tourette’s kicks in & she belts out a good old “FUCKYOU!” (all one word) in clearly recognizable English.

0:40 – 0:42 – Francis’ hands leave the hanging rail and starting swinging by her side, fists balled. *Rubs palms together* It’s on now!

0:48 – 0:54 – Have you noticed that aside from the person filming, nobody else is really positioning themselves to watch a grade A asswhippin’ about to take place? Do you notice Asian Elton John in the plum velvet smoking jacket never turns around once?

Apparently though, someone off camera has taken notice because Lady M. turns to plead her case. Around :53-:54, I think I heard “nigga” but it came & went to quick. *Shrugs shoulders*

1:05 – Upon closer look, Francis might be a little off herself. I mean, I haven’t seen anyone in their right frame of mind wearing a Malcolm X sweatshirt in ages. And it’s white. A white sweatshirt.

1:12 – “FHWAKYOU!”

1:14 – “Say it again, say it again” = The line is drawn in the sand. Put up or shut up time, bitches!

1:16 – Liftoff…but perhaps the slowest liftoff ever. Butterball could’ve dodged that right. Yet, it was quite solid or our cameraman has a nice piece of equipment, as the thud comes through very clear…along with a few minor “ahh’s” from the crowd.

1:19 – 1:21 – I think our cameraman is either a fruit or potentially in the line of fire because the view gets shaky and we get a few high-pitched yelps. That’s a nice, violet parka Lady M. has on.

Her overbite makes me think she’s about to chomp a plug out of Francis, who’s now retreating out of our camera’s view. C’mon bitch, the race is depending on you! Barack can’t do it alone, plus he’s only half Black. Do it for Malcolm!

1:23 – 1:27 – Marmalade is alternating between Crane-style straightforward chops & schoolyard fists to the back of Fran’s head. It’s not looking good for the Black folks in this one.

1:30 – “Waaawwwwww-yaaaa!” Marmalade with a flying side kick.

1:31 – And another.

1:34 – Finally, another female passenger intervenes and she’s aided by a male passenger. What is it with the pitch black sunglasses everybody’s wearing? Maybe they remembered Luda’s speech from Crash about people on the bus & they’re trying to shield their identity. *Shrugs*

1:50-1:53 – Marma-lady gives Fran a few more pooh-butt kicks to the ass as Francis is trying to high-tail it off the damn bus.

2:07 – What’s Francis’ last name? Turns out it’s Zellers. Ol’snitchin’ ass.

By the end, Marmalade’s scatterbrained & yappin’, while Alfamega’s mom is on the sidewalk, pulling her ponytail back in place. Looks like she’s gotten her ass kicked on more than one occasion because she’s just fine waiting on the next bus.

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