It’s me, David D. I’m TSS’ resident jerk that makes fun of retarded kids and orphans. It’s part of my charm. From time to time, I’ve even decided to make fun of you. But how could I not? You went on insane tirades, swore you dated Rihanna and got snuffed by some chick. Your career has been the stuff of comedic gold. And from most accounts, Chuck, you’re a grade-A jerkhole. Despite all of this, I’ve secretly rooted for you.
I’ve felt some sort of professional, journalistic connection to your career. You were my very first Smoking Session and the second rapper I’d ever interviewed (The first was Juicy J, but that’s a different story). And I’m pretty sure I was one of your first interviews as well. So, our careers kind of started at the same time.
I remember being really nervous, researching and writing down a ton of questions. But really, I only needed a couple. You spoke the entire time and the rest was history: without prompt and in one fell swoop you insulted Nas, said Jadakiss can’t make an album, dissed The Game and called your girlfriend a subservient chick like the one from Coming To America. It was damn sure an entertaining read, but it also foreshadowed the insanity that would be your career.
I’d known about your previous homelessness and drug addiction, so I watched and worried as your exploits got more drastic and batshit insane. I mean, really? Dilla as an executive producer?
So, I’m glad you checked into a mental institute. Fam, you needed it. And I’m glad you’ve checked out. I’m really looking forward to the music you’re capable of making. Because the rest of the world may have forgotten this: Charles Hamilton is a very talented rapper that made very dope music before becoming the mayor of Crazyville.
With that said, Charles, here’s hoping your return gets you back on the track that made you a top Freshman and made me a fan in the first place.
But the recovery won’t be easy. That’s why I’m here to help.
1. Put Out Fewer Songs — Almost as alienating to your fans as your antics has been the, well, horrible music you put out last year. Keep making music but be a little more discriminating when it comes to what you actually release. Lately, out of every ten songs you put out, only one or two are dope. Just release those two and can the rest.
2. No More Blogging/Tweeting — Above all, this is what got you in the most trouble. We all have crazy thoughts in our subconscious, but what separates you from the rest of the society was that you kept these crazy thoughts in your head long enough to write them on your blog or Twitter and hit “publish.” I understand the need to connect with fans, but you rarely bring anything remotely close to positive results.
3. Explain and Apologize. In Song. — More than possibly any time before, vulnerability and honesty is currency in Hip-Hop. Eminem proved that by meticulously (and a little redundantly) explaining almost every single bad move he made over the last four years. You should do the same. One of your best qualities as a musician is your ability to convey raw emotion. Now, let me be clear: I mean honest emotion. Not the cocky, blogger Hamilton that acted so victimized and unjustly treated. You’ve got to approach your music with humility this time. Hopefully your stint at the mental hospital helped you realize some things about yourself. It’s time to use your counseling and put it in the music. Your career is probably depending on it.
I want more like this!
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