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10 Bowl Games That Won’t Feature Cam Newton

By / 12.16.10


When Tim TeMoses left college football, grown men wept and screamed that the sport would never be the same. All of those worries were for naught as 2010 has been one of the most exciting years for the sport in recent memory. We had the Boise St./TCU quest to break down the BCS glass ceiling. Andrew Luck shined and Denard Robinson had three weeks of unbelievable play. Oh yeah, Cam Newton yadda yadda. But even if we didn’t have the fantastic Heisman year from the Auburn QB, there would be enough storylines in bowl games to whet any college football fanatic’s palate.
To give you an insight into these stories to look out for, we called on our friends, the dynamic duos behind
Ed The Sports Fan (Ed and Kenny) and 6Magazine (Ricky Writer and CJ). These four sports junkies live and breath sports thus it seemed fitting to help us wade through an upcoming TV schedule full of pigskin and collegiate competition.

1. LSU Vs. Texas A&M In The AT&T Cotton Bowl aka “We Go About Things Differently” Bowl
Talk about two programs that went about their season quite differently, Texas A&M found inventive and clever ways to win ball games in the Big 12, while it seemed that LSU stumbled from the beer pong table to the field and somehow scored their way into victories in the SEC. During the season, both teams shuffled their quarterbacks like a game of spades but had defenses that were extremely stingy and tough. LSU arguably has the best collection of wide receivers in college football, yet their quarterbacks look like someone made an armless 8-year old play Madden on All-Madden mode. It’s not a good look. If the Mad Hatter can pull some sort of tomfoolery out of his backside (which he usually does) then the Tigers can and will win this game.
I’ll Drink to That: Take a shot anytime the broadcasters call Les Miles “The Mad Hatter” in conjunction with some random play that involves a fake punt/field goal, a 4th-down play, or a misuse of a timeout. Trust me, this will happen frequently. On a scale of 1-5, the likelihood of being faded as a result is a 5

2. South Carolina vs. Florida State in the Chick-A-Fila Bowl aka “Some Things Never Change” Bowl
If there’s anyone that’s familiar playing against the Garnet and Gold it’s the Ol’ Ball Coach aka Steve Spurrier. The man coached against Florida State for 11 seasons (5-7-1 record) and played in quite a few SEC championships in the Georgia Dome. Spurrier switched up, now he’s a Cock…A South Carolina Gamecock that is, and he has arguably one of the best trios in college football with QB Stephen Garcia, tailback Marcus Lattimore and wideout Alshon Jeffery. Can Florida State stop them? Will Christian Ponder play? Is EJ Manuel ready to play on the big stage? Seminoles’ coach Jimbo Fisher learned from the great Bobby Bowden, so he’ll used some southern drawl-filled, heart-felt, inspirational pre-game speech to use on his football team to have them ready to play.
I’ll Drink to That: All hail the great Bobby Bowden and the announcers will speak the gospel of Bobby Bowden’s greatness at Florida State, regardless of the rampant cheating, payment of players, and other Seminole Shenanigans. Therefore, drink an old-fashioned in honor of Bowden whenever they show him on the screen. Faded scale — 3 with a strong push

3. Stanford Vs. Virginia Tech in the Discover Orange Bowl aka “The Prove Yourself” Bowl
All hail Frank Beamer, who the folks in Blacksburg wanted fired, put “For Sale” signs in his yard and paid grade school kids to bully his children after early losses to Boise State and James Madison (!!!) at the beginning of the season. Coach Beamer corrected the ship and they’ve won 11 straight, took the ACC Championship and have their two-headed monster in the backfield (Ryan Williams and Darren Evans). Stanford has two players worth a damn that you should know about. Andrew Luck, the other OTHER quarterback that lost to Cam Newton in the Heisman (although he will be the #1 QB off the board in 2011) and Owen Marecic, the famed two-way fullback/linebacker who is fawned over by all crusty anglo-saxon males who love the good ole days of football and need a new golden boy after Lefty Jesus, Tim Tebow, went to the pros.
I’ll Drink to That: They will bring up the potential coaching future of Stanford head coach Jim Harbaugh about 294 times. Will he go to Michigan? Will he go to the NFL? Will he stay? This will be tireless, so maybe an Irish Car Bomb per mention would be best. Faded scale — A fully f*cked up 4

4. Arkansas Vs. Ohio State in the Allstate Sugar Bowl aka “The Buck-Back” Bowl

Terrelle Pryor will have to match his monster bowl performance in the Rose Bowl last year for the Buckeyes to beat the Razorbacks. Otherwise, we may have to talk about the epic fail that Jim Tressel has done with maximizing his great talents. Arkansas comes in on fire as one of the hottest teams in the country, Look for Ryan Mallett to prove why he is the second best QB in America and the SEC. Jake Bequette and the Arkansas D are no slouches either. Jim Tressel’s generic, conservative “sweater vested” approach won’t help against the high-powered hogs and will extend the Ohio State woes against the SEC. Expect Arkansas and Mallett drop the hammer on the Buckeyes and win going away.
I’ll Drink To That: Terrelle Pryor is a human highlight film. And we know he shows up in bowl games. Chug your drink for every TD Pryor scores and every interception he throws. Faded scale – 2 with a nice buzz

5. Notre Dame Vs. Miami In The Hyuandi Sun Bowl aka “This Would’ve Been Live In ’85” Bowl
It’s been a long time since the Catholics versus Convicts was the hottest rivalry in the country. This game is more about tradition than the actual match up at the Sun Bowl. Miami has a far more talented team, but Notre Dame has one thing the Canes do not, the same head coach they started the season with. This game is MC Hammer versus Bobby Brown, two figures who used to have it all and now have nothing as these programs are shells of their former selves. This contest should serve as a springboard for the winning team to have a great 2011. With all the recent unrest in Coral Gables, look for Notre Dame to win what could be one of the better bowls played.
I’ll Drink To That: This is a little subjective. Drink every time you get annoyed at the announcers treating Notre Dame’s sucky seasons like it’s a friggin national tragedy. When your can of beer is done, throw it at the TV. Faded scale – A wobbly 3

6. TCU Vs. Wisconsin In The Rose Bowl aka “The Respect” Bowl
For some people (I’m looking at you, Gordon Gee), a matchup between a Big Ten rival and anyone not in an non-BCS conference could be considered beneath them; a waste of time, resources and three hours on a field. Hopefully, Wisconsin doesn’t share the same sentiments as the President of The Ohio State University, because if they do, they’ll get a rude awakening from a team that has lost only one game in the past two seasons. For TCU, this game is a test to show the country that they belong. They, along with the rest of their fan base, have been waiting for this moment for quite some time and come January 1st, they plan on showing everyone around the nation, as well as the Wisconsin Badgers, how they get down.
I’ll Drink to That: Any time the broadcasters mention The Big East. Even though TCU isn’t going until 2012, it’s pretty big news and they’re likely to repeat it all game long. Since that’s the case, you’re sure to be wasted by halftime. Faded scale — Easiest 5 ever. Make sure you put your ex girlfriend’s phone number far, far away because you’re getting hammered and you’re making bad decisions.

7. Utah Vs. Boise State In The MAACO Bowl aka “Ain’t This A B” Bowl
In January of 2009, Utah was gearing up to head down to Louisiana for the Sugar Bowl against Alabama. In that game, they went on to prove to everyone that they belonged on the main stage by beating the Crimson Tide within an inch of their gridiron lives, 31-17. Last year, Boise State was in the BCS, and defeated TCU, and they were on their way to another BCS bowl this year until the football gods decided otherwise, ruining the hopes and dreams of sports romantics across country.
This year, Utah and Boise State square off in a bowl that may lack prestige name-wise, but will definitely not be lacking in competitiveness, fire, intensity and something for these teams to prove. Despite the fact that both of these schools had higher hopes at the beginning of the season, you won’t be able to sense any inkling of disappointment when they both hit the field.
I’ll Drink to That: When Boise State’s kicker, Kyle Brotzman, is brought up. It’s really gonna depend on who calls the game, but you’re sure to have a couple of drinks before kickoff, since they’ll bring up his missed kicks contributing to Boise State not being in the BCS. Faded scale — A 3 served with an olive

8. UConn Vs. Oklahoma in the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl aka “The Sweet & Salty” Bowl
Shouldn’t you have to be ranked by the coaches or be in the BCS top 25 to play in a BCS bowl? Guess not if you play in the Big Easy East Conference. UConn will be playing in their first and last BCS bowl game since TCU will join the Big East in 2012 and lightning won’t strike for the Huskies two straight years. The BCS powers that be said, “Shit, we have to let the sorry ass UConn Huskies who are unranked in the coaches poll with four losses play in a BCS game. Now how are we going to make this entertaining? We’ll have’em play the OU Sooners. The Sooners always seem to trick off a BCS game, especially Fiesta Bowls in 2006 when they put Boise State on the map and in 2007. It should be interesting.”

I’ll Drink To That: The Big East is a confusing clusterf*ck of a conference that’s undergoing a shift with new teams added by 2012. Chug a beer every time an announcer gets the teams coming to the Big East confused. After you’re hammered, try to come up with division names as lame as the ones the Big 10 came up with. Faded scale — Easy 4


9. Alabama Vs. Michigan State in the Capital One Bowl aka “The Remember Me?” Bowl
Michigan State has been waiting to get their hands on Nick Saban for 11 years now since he abruptly left for the SEC right before his team played in the ’99 Citrus bowl. Hey Sparty, he dumped you guys for a reason. Big Ten football is Meagan Good, good looking with no talent. SEC football is Halle Berry; it’s the total package, baby. The Mark Ingram/Trent Richardson vs. Greg Jones matchup will be great to watch. But in all honesty, Halle > Meagan….Bama > MSU. Why? MSU got taken behind the woodshed only scoring 6 points in a loss to Iowa who has the No. 15 defense. Uhm…’Bama has the No. 6 defense in the nation.

I’ll Drink To That: This game isn’t going to be anywhere near as good as the game of the year we saw last month when Alabama and Auburn had their classic. Take a shot every time the announcers get bored with Bama vs. Michigan State and talk about Alabama vs. Auburn. Faded scale – A good quality 2

10. Florida Vs. Penn State in the Outback Bowl aka “Paterno Could Be Meyer’s Granddaddy” Bowl

Urban Meyer’s last game before handing over the program to Will Muschamp. Meyer’s swan song is against a man that can handle the stresses of coaching, the ageless wonder Joe Paterno, King of the AARP. Penn State QB, Matt McGloin, has been the catalyst behind an improved second half of the season for the Nittany Lions. By Florida’s standards this was a sub-par season as a lot of old rivals stuck it to the Gators for the first time in years. However, Florida will be ready for the Fighting Paterno’s and use their advantage in the secondary to parlay a win.

I’ll Drink To That: This is really the Urban Meyer/Joe Paterno show. Chug your whole drink every time they do a Meyer/Paterno split-screen during the game. Faded scale — 4 with chance of failing a field sobriety test

For more from Ed and Kenny, visit EdTheSportsFan.com and check out their weekly radio show, “Unsportsmanlike Conduct.” For more insights and opinions from Boadu & CJ, hit up 6MagazineOnline.com and prepared to be entertained and informed.


TAGSBCS Championship 2011joe paternoLISTSSPORTSSpotlightTERRELLE PRYORURBAN MEYER

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