Some MCs live and die by the metaphor and Lil Wayne’s ventilator just so happens to have his ABC’s on it. While we’re still debating on what to make of Tha Carter IV as a whole, we couldn’t help but notice Wayne’s extremely dependent on his hashtag punchlines, even after they have long been declared dead and Nicki Minaj got ethered for hers.
Due to the terms of his probation, Weezy is most likely drug-free and it may be messing with his creative process. Here’s a chunk of Tha Carter IV’s most jaw-dropping, head-scratching, baby-babbling moments. All punchlines are not created equal.
Line: “Jumped on the celly, called Makaveli/He say he was gravy, I say I was jelly”
Reaction: What else but head to desk? Not only is Tupac still alive, he’s accepting calls from other rappers now?
Song: “President Carter”
Lyric: “I’m beneficial/I’ve been official/I say you rappers sweet, tiramissile.”
Reaction: Tiramissle? What in the fu…oh! You mean TIRAMISU! Phew, you had us worried for a second there, Tunechi. We thought you were tinkering with some Soviet weapons of mass destruction, seeking to restart the Cold War.
Line: “I get money to kill time, dead clocks.”
Reaction: It’s one of those instances where the line would maybe be funny in a rap battle between to local unknowns. But on C4, the line sounds exactly like what it is – a cringe-worthy, starter kit rhyme that should have stayed buried underground. Dead clocks, ladies and gents. Dead clocks.
Song: “So Special”
Line: “Cause she my honey bee, yeah, buzz buzz/And now I’m itching and scratching, that’s that love bug.”
Reaction: No, Wayne. That would be crabs. A trip to the clinic may be in order.
Song: “Blunt Blowin'”
Line: “Bunch of Bloods, you could call it blood clottin’…”
Reaction: So this is the picture Wayne has painted: Bloods are storming some unlucky punk’s abode, when suddenly two tried to rush into the guy’s door at the same time. Suddenly, the two Bloods are stuck in the doorway, clotting it and leaving all of the trailing Bloods unable to enter the house as the two leading Bloods have gotten stuck. That’s what happens when you have so many Bloods that you call it “blood clot.”
Line: “I’m a diamond in the rough like a baby in the trash”
Reaction: You know what you should not compare your style to? Dead babies. Not something anyone wants to think about when analyzing a rapper’s swag level.
Song: “How to Hate”
Line: “Don’t fuck with Wayne, cuz when it Wayne’s it pours”
Reaction: Come on Dwayne, despite the deceiving image on the album cover, you’re not in preschool anymore. Act your age.
Song: “Blunt Blowin'”
Line: “All about my riches, my name should be Richard…”
Reaction: In other words, you’re all about your cheese so we should call you Cheesy Weezy because this punchline wouldn’t even get any “ooh’s” in a kindergarten classroom. But whatever you say, “Richard.”
Line: “Weezy gonna ball, ball like Steve Harvey.”
Reaction: Can we please kill the “ball like [insert bald person here] punchline please? Steve Harvey is bald! With a “d”. You can’t just switch out the last letter and attempt to make the punchline work! You can’t just take the “m” out of “calm” and say “calm like I used a telephone”. Wait, we don’t want to give Weezy any ideas.
Song: “6 Foot 7 Foot”
Line: “No matter who’s buying, I’ma celebration…”
Reaction: It’s a double entendre. He’s going to sell-a-bration. Get it? Probably not, because it doesn’t make a penny’s worth of sense. It probably would have been better if “bration” was slang for weed. Or codeine.
Song: “It’s Good”
Line: “Pussy good as baby powder…”
Reaction: How good does baby powder actually feel? You ever have sex and say “whoo this hoo-ha feels like baby powder!” Or have you ever put on your finest cologne to hit the club and say “I’m going out to get that baby powder pussy!” Yeah, didn’t think so.
Song: “I Like The View”
Line: “If these walls could talk, they probably won’t shut up/I need some wallpaper, before they start to fuss.”
Reaction: Skip the other drugs. Weezy’s obviously on acid and trippin’ balls pretty heavy here.
Line: “I beat the beat up, call it self defense, swear man/ I be seeing through theses niggas like sequins…”
Reaction: Who knew Wayne was dealing with such Clark Kent x-ray vision? Can anyone else in the audience see through sequins? Here’s a picture of Nicki Minaj in a sequin dress. She’s naked underneath there! Look at those goodies? Can’t you see them?
Song: “Nightmares of the Bottom”
Line: To my niggas in the game, keep the game fair/Players play, coaches coach and cheerleaders cheer…”
Reaction: And farmers farm, plowers plow, painters paint... Nevermind the simplicity. Wayne is just warming up for his Young Money line of children’s books due out next spring.
Song: “Two Shots”
Line: “I could probably do better, but probably’s like never.”
Reaction: These nine words sum up TC4 as a whole.