“They’re Hollywood as hell, but they’re still very good.” – Joakim Noah
Excited about their prospects to win the championship this year, and the new additions to last year’s Eastern Conference championship team, the Miami Heat have put together a video to introduce the 2012 squad. The video has all of the familiar trappings of such presentations: fireworks, neon light and, of course, sexy dancers. Still something seemed…off. In fact, we found at least ten things.
1. Shane Battier’s triple polo –- When your head looks like a walnut, the idea is to draw attention away from yourself.
2. James Jones’ scarf –- The frilly scarf and pink pocket on his form fitting tee shows that he means business.
3. Mike Miller –- He appears to be representing the Abercrombie & Fitch chapter of SAMCRO. Get a haircut, hippie.
4. Dexter Pittman –- Borrowed his look from the Steve Harvey “Old Man in the Club Collection.”
5. Juwan Howard -– Does Juwan get a haircut every day? Seriously, how does he keep his shape-up so sharp?
6. Eddie Curry -– Young…YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR ALL OF YOUR SHIRTS AT THE SAME TIME! Between him and Battier, Ralph Lauren just turned over his McLaren.
7. Chris Bosh’s little dance move at :33 -– Do I really need to say it?
8. Dwyane Wade — When they cast that Fantasy Island remake, we know who to cast for the Ricardo Montelban role.
9. Joel Anthony –- He looks like he got jumped by two guys named Marshall and TJ Maxx.
10. LeBron James –- I’ll let you guys choose your own hateful statement about LeBron. Best one wins…well nothing.