Strip clubs - the really good ones at least - are true American monuments. They're places where the most ultimate of dreams are sold and, in some cases, the wildest fantasies come true. And when the right music is played to cement the occasion, one can often confuse a place so often associated with sin for a small slice of heaven.
Titty bars aren't for everyone. Some'll say, "Why the hell would I pay to go see naked women I can't even have sex with when I have a girl at home?" To that, I say, stop looking at the glass half empty all the time. Earlier this month, I attended one of America's best nightclubs and the end result was nothing short of legendary.
Let's shift focus, just to protect the names of those in concert with me and what actually went down there. The next 40 slides feature some of my favorite songs to hear when I'm blowing
money ones fast. Feel free to add some of your own. That's if you're not too bougie to admit you go.
1. Luke - "I Wanna Rock (Doo Doo Brown)" -- The O.G. of all things Hip-Hop and strip club related. No list of this caliber is complete without Luke Da Gawd. He's been getting girls to go ass naked since before a lot of people reading this were even born. Pay homage.
Plus, if you've seen Project X, you'll recognize this song from the opening moments.
2. Young Jeezy Feat. 2 Chainz - "Supafreak" -- Dark horse candidate for "Strip Club National Anthem." Kush and Ciroc are indeed in abundance once this begins blasting through the speakers. Not to be undervalued, it's fun as hell to rap 2 Chainz's verse when faded. TRU!!
3. Trina Feat. Killer Mike - "Look Back At Me" -- Word of advice. If getting a lap dance to this, don't stand up too fast.
4. UGK - "Let Me See It" -- Pimp and Bun deliver one of Hip-Hop's most authentic strip club numbers. This hook will never, ever get old.
5. Soulja Boy - "Donk" -- DeAndre is the result of an infinite amount of jokes, but he'll forever live in titty bar glory for this. Hate on him all you want, but "Donk" more than serves its purpose when singles are falling out the air at an accelerated rate.
6. Gucci Mane Feat. Trey Songz - "Beat It Up" -- One of the greatest Gucci tracks ever recorded. And yet another example of a potential smash record he didn't take advantage of. It'll live in nudie bar infamy for eternity however. I guess that's good enough.
Sidenote: There are a billion Gucci songs that could've went here. You know, like "Freaky Girl" which was nothing short of a way of life during the summer of 2007.
7. Big Sean Feat. Nicki Minaj - "A$$ (Remix)" -- It sounds great in the car. It sounds even greater in the club. But when heard in the one spot that highlights the actual title of the song? It's not Jordan dropping 63 in Boston Garden, but it's just as beautiful. Nicki's verse is audio gatorade or something the way dancers seemingly get an extra bolt of energy once she starts rapping.
Oh, and for the record, the 2:22-2:30 span of this video is one of the reasons YouTube was created.
8. Waka Flocka Flame - "Clap" -- You'd have to hear it for yourself, but it goes. Trust me. Also, whenever the Twerk Team (or one of their many imitators) make a video to your song, chances are it's going to get love in the major leagues (that'd be the strip clubs).
9. Travis Porter - "Make It Rain" -- A modern day classic. The song is basically a blueprint for strip club etiquette.
10. Kirko Bangz - "Drank In My Cup" -- I tried to tell people last summer this record was a monster, but whatever. This song bangs anywhere from the crib, to the car and definitely to your local watering hole with scantly clad women.
11. 504 Boyz - "I Can Tell" -- Classic in every sense of the word. Straight grinding music.
Bonus: Just because you can't have one without the other.
12. Adina Howard - "T-Shirt & Panties" -- Expect to find this towards the end of the night, but this is the record that'll have the "You still up?" texts flying out quicker than a pair of Jordan's being released at midnight.
13. Future Feat. T.I. - "Magic" -- New age staple record, indeed, for obvious reasons. Tip's "You the type of n*gga to just pop up when n*ggas rollin' that kush, huh?" remains full as hell to yell at the top of your lungs.
14. Lil Wayne - "I'm Single" -- If Mother Goose wrote a strip club nursery rhyme, this would be the result. It's just so damn easy to sing-a-long to.
15. Trick Daddy Feat. Trina - "Nann" -- What's dope about this is the fact there's a part for the guys and girls. It's not Ron Isley's "Contagious," but teamwork makes the dreamwork and I guarantee you appreciate this song even more afterwards. Trina's verse is one of the greatest vulgar 16's of all time, by the way.
16. Lil Boosie Feat. Big Wayne, Big Poppa, Ree-Up, Money Bagz & Quick - "Gin In My Cup" -- No lie, this is by far one of the funnest songs to hear when faded; just look at how much fun Boosie had shooting the video. You probably won't hear it at every establishment, but visit your hood strip club and I guarantee they'll have a Boosie set with "Gin In My Cup" being one of the songs.
17. Webbie Feat. Bun B - "Gimmie That" -- Of course, if we're talking Bad Azz, Young Savage isn't far behind. Webbie's 2005 smash hit may still rub people the wrong way by sounding so rapey (yes, I just made that word up), but once the beat drops and he starts saying, "You know you want it/Girl don't act like you don't want it/Girl I want it just as bad as you do..." all is forgiven. "Gimmie That," to this day, harbors one of Bun's finest guest verses.
18. Too Short Feat. Lil Jon - "Shake That Monkey" -- So. Many. Quotables. No list of this ilk is complete without the inclusion of Too Short. A thousand years from now when civilizations are studying this time period, they'll look to our music. One historian will come across this song and more than likely he/she will either be fired or placed on a probationary period for walking down the hallway yelling, "Bet she can't wiggle with a d*ck in her!"
19. Bow Wow - "Pole In My Basement" -- Man, listen. Y'all can clown the dude all you please, but this gets my stamp of approval. The song, the man cave and the girl in the video.
20. Young Dro Feat. T.I. - "My Girl" -- I heard it in Onyx once and it sounded amazing causing the dancers to forget anyone was even there. Not that I minded because the show kicked up a notch I can't truly explain in words. The greatness of this song has already been discussed, however, so just click play and enjoy.
21. Cam'ron Feat. Lil Wayne - "Suck It Or Not" -- You may recognize this question now as "what that mouth do?"
22. Waka Flocka Flame Feat. Drake - "Round Of Applause" -- There's no denying the power of this track when in the friendly confines of your favorite strip club.
23. Ying Yang Twins - "Salt Shaker" -- I had totally forgot about this song until a few weeks ago. Where the twins are nowadays is a mystery to me, but one thing's for sure. They had a crazy stretch of club anthems for quite a few years.
24. Three 6 Mafia - "Slob On My Knob" -- Everyone at least 22 years old know the words to arguably rap's most memorable song in honor of Monica Lewinsky's infamous act. Where else would this song fit right at home?
25. T-Pain - "Long Lap Dance" -- Pain's got the cure for all those dances that just weren't long enough.
26. Young Jeezy Feat. Plies - "Lose My Mind" -- Appropriately titled, and even three years later, everyone loses their damn minds when this comes on.
27. Gucci Mane - "I Think I Love Her" -- As the first comment says on this video, even the biggest haters of Gucci Mane catch themselves rapping along to this. It's like choir practice the hook drops.
28. Lil Wayne Feat. Drake - "She Will" -- Moreso the hook than anything, Weezy and Drake's infectious collaboration will always have a place to rest its head and wallet. It's crazy they never shot an actual video for this though. All that being said, "She Will" is completely pointless if you're in one of those clubs where you can't squeeze it and see if it's real.
29. Janet Jackson - "Would You Mind" -- The possibilities of what can happen during this song are limitless. It's one of the horniest songs in the history of mankind. The last minute and change? That'll have you sprinting out the strip club faster than Usain Bolt to get home to your ol' lady. Or husband. Or, even better, if the both of you came, the mad rush back home. Or, at the very least, the backseat if you're into that sort of thing.
30. Yo Gotti Feat. Gucci Mane, Trina & Nicki Minaj - "5 Star (Remix)" -- No lie, I saw the single most amazing trick performed to this song in Charleston, South Carolina, in the summer of 2010. Ol' girl climbed to the top of the pole, slide down head first no hands and then landed a full split. Keep in mind this was after she took a hit of the blunt from a local D-boy before hand. I haven't seen anything like that since. Ratchet? For damn sure, but so is the song.
31. Mystikal Feat. Mia X - "Shake Something" -- Every single last No Limit had at least one strip club anthem. Every. Single. Last. One.
32. Kelly Rowland Feat. Lil Wayne - "Motivation" -- Oh, man. This song was tailor made for every strip club in America. From the beat, to the, um, "motivational" hook to Weezy's "G-G-Girl I turn that thing into a rainforest..." this will always have a place in every DJ's set.
33. Big K.R.I.T. - "Temptation" -- A new age classic.
34. Rick Ross - "Money Make Me Come" -- I'll let you in on a small secret. Unless you're some super famous celebrity, most strippers don't even look at your face. They don't care. The quicker you realize this, the more fun you'll have.
35. French Montana - "Shot Caller" -- This may not be "timeless" per say, but it's definitely a mainstay at the moment. Plus, Yaris Sanchez is thicker than hood kool-aid.
36. R. Kelly - "Feelin' On Yo Booty" -- The other day, I tweeted no artist alive has better sex anthems than R. Kelly. And the real fact of the matter is this, there's a very solid argument he may be the greatest ever period in that department.
37. Ludacris - "Splash Waterfalls" -- Luda's got quite a few that could go here including his classic first single "What's Yo Fantasy" and more recently "How Low" and "Sex Room." That said, once the beat switches over and Raphael Saadiq begins crooning, the song takes on another life of its own - good for all parties involved.
38. Lil' Jon & The Eastside Boyz Feat. Usher & Ludacris - "Lovers & Friends" -- This will always be a personal favorite mainly because it dropped my first year in college. So many dreams were sold to this song.
39. Tyga - "Make It Nasty" -- WARNING: Do NOT press play if you value your job. That said, Tyga may not be the most street certified rapper Hip-Hop has force fed us, but I'll be damned if the scenes aren't exact representations of what happens in any nudie bar across America when this comes on. And yes, if you're wondering, "Rack City" takes on an entire new meaning when DD's are bouncing around like basketballs during warmups.
40. Juvenile -- "Back That Azz Up" -- Juve's cult classic is only one of the greatest songs to ever happen to Hip-Hop. And whether this adds anything of value or not, the video was made without the first video chick. Yep, straight locals and soulja rags. In hindsight, that seems next to impossible these days. Remember when this dropped back in the late '90s and the first few seconds of the beat would play and everyone would get those "deer in the headlights" looks? Well, it still happens in strip clubs. Don't be that person not to not have any cash in hand when "Back That..." comes on. This is the Whitney Houston at the 1991 Super Bowl of strip club anthems.
41. Ca$h Out - "Cashin' Out" -- The title says 40, but we're going into overtime. If you don't think this is getting spins everywhere, then I bet every girl in your cell phone is lined up to take whatever class Brian McKnight is teaching.