Last week, the good people at With Leather had a list of reasons it’s socially acceptable to hate the Miami Heat. And, while the Heat definitely have earned the ire of sports fans across the world, they wouldn’t be as hated if they didn’t have the world’s worst fans.
For the most part, I’ve found myself neutral about who I’d like to win the championship this year. That was until I ended up at a bar full of Heat “fans.” Within two minutes I was cheering my heart out for the Thunder solely out of spite to combat the utter a-hole-ishness in my surroundings. That’s when it hit me: the biggest problem with the Miami Heat is the legion of soulless, horrible people that claim the team as their own. With that said, here are seven reasons Miami Heat fans are the absolute worst example of humanity we have to offer.
1. The “Victims” — Maybe having “haters” makes people feel more important. Maybe feeling like the world is out to get you makes you feel like Scarface. But the constant complaining that the world hates the Heat and you’re suddenly the Tutsis. You bandwagoned onto a team everyone knew would win multiple titles is the epitome of b*tch rectum. Yes, the world hates your team. But they hate you more. Why? Because you’ve earned it.
2. They Don’t Know Jack Sh*t About The Heat — While at the bar watching game 2 of the Finals, LeBron got intentionally fouled and headed to the free throw line to clinch the game. One unfortunate loser with an uninterested date yelled out, “Yes! LeBron never misses free throws! We got this!” Clearly he doesn’t know much about basketball or Heat basketball. Most Heat fans I encounter on Twitter only know about Wade, LeBron, Bosh and Gabrielle Union. How can you cheer so loudly and passionately for a “team” you know nothing about?
3. They, Of All People, Complain About Refs — During Game 3, you could hear the 305 Nation yelling “Referees suck!” after a questionable second-quarter illegal defense call or something. The fact that Heat fans, who got gifted a title in ’06 (if they were even fans for that long) and benefited from back to back playoff runs full of favorable calls, has the nerve to complain about referees is an abomination. It’s like the 1% complaining about taxes.
Then this video was the final straw. A video compiled by some loser Heat fan talking about over-the-back and loose ball fouls during last year’s Finals Game 3 THAT THE HEAT WON! You, sir or madam, are the worst.
4. They Leave Games — Heat fans, the crusaders for all that is right and holy in the world, are the worst live crowd in all of sports. They groan and abandon the team when its down and at the end of Game 3, they hit the exits before the game was close to over. Up against the most resilient team in the league (of course, Miami fans probably don’t know this about the Thunder), there was a parade of hemp shirts heading for the exits. We know there’s tanner to be applied and VIP parties to stand in line for, but stick it out until the game ends. And, of course, right after the parade, Miami couldn’t even freaking sell out their games!
5. They Dress Like The Scum Of The Earth — Our good buddy Burnsy has an examination of their garb. It’s more than enough reason to hate these people.
6. Lil Wayne Is One — Here’s a rule of thumb: If Weezy likes it, then you have every right to hate it. Wayne epitomizes the worst of the Miami Heat. He demanded front row tickets from , then cried racism when he didn’t get them. Then he sits in the front row and daps up the same LeBron James he once said he hated. And finally he threw a hissy when he wasn’t allowed private access to the locker rooms. F*ck that guy. He’s the Miami Heat fan.
7. They Say “We” — Granted, all sports fans say “we” for their teams. But it’s even more annoying when Heat fans do it. Here are some rules for saying “we”: 1) if you live in or lived in the team’s city/state or 2) you’ve been a fan for at least five years. Heat fans can’t even tell you who Juwan Howard is, let alone Tim Hardaway or Glen Rice. See, Tins is a special character. He admits to only wanting LeBron to win a title. It’s an honest approach. Pretending to be a lifelong Heat fan and screaming like your dream comes true because Norris Cole gets a ring is a damn lie. Let’s see who “we” is when LeBron retires. Who’ll be Heat fans then?