Art gets critiqued. That’s been a way of life for hundreds of years. It’s hard to say whether or not the critics of the 22nd century think differently than their predecessors, but the advent of the Internet has brought on two distinct changes: everyone feels like an expert on just about everything, and the same people now have a public platform to voice their opinions. As such, musical snobs and haters in 2012 are louder, more informed and, as a byproduct, more obnoxious than ever before.
This list is dedicated to those guys who take music a bit too seriously. Because knowing how to use Wikipedia and living in the past do not elevate your level of fandom. As always, leave your comments below. And please don’t hate.
1. You Hate Everything On The Radio
Make no mistake – a lot of what gets played on the radio is of questionable quality. But don’t crusade against Nicki Minaj because you constantly sip on the sourest of Kool-Aid flavors. Besides, as Kanye has proven time and again, not everything that gets love on the FM dial is garbage.
2. You Complain About The Songs Being Played At A Party
To be fair, the majority of us are sick of “Bag Of Money.” While a normal person brushes off the annoyance, you spend the majority of the night stewing in the corner, telling anybody within earshot about how much better the party would be if the host let you break out that Childish Gambino-inspired playlist.
3. You Don’t Take Recommendations…
Only method you use to discover new music is through blogs, where you can take credit for someone else’s research. It’s been years since you’ve taken someone’s personal recommendation to heart. God forbid you let someone else get a win.
4. …Because Your Tastes Are That Much Better Than Everyone Else’s.
Not all haters are hipsters, but all hipsters are haters.
5. “The Live Show Was Better”
…Or so you tell anyone willing to discuss A$AP Rocky’s latest project. Let’s be real: everyone knows that and, with only a few exceptions, seeing an artist in person is the preferred way of enjoying music. Just go ahead and assume that, given the opportunity, us common folk will also attend. Probably in much worse seats, but still.
6. You Judge A Book By The Cover
Mac Miller alienates people because he looks like what he is: a 20-year-old white boy from the suburbs. You don’t have to like his music, but at least give the dude a chance before you rip him apart. Same goes for pretty much any other artist; trust us, your time isn’t too valuable to research who you knock.
7. Your Favorite Website Is Pitchfork
Not that their pen game is anything less than great, but the condescending, pandering nature of Pitchfork has drawn as much criticism as the content of a 2.3-rated album. Read a review and see for yourself; they love talking down.
8. You Don’t Like Outkast
It takes a salty kind of man to sit stationary while the rest of his crew nods to “Player’s Ball” or “SpottieOttieDopaliscious.”
9. You Regularly Use Vinyl
Having an antique vinyl collection isn’t a bad look, and breaking one out from time-to-time won’t hurt anyone. But if you finding yourself relying on this medium more than paying homage to it, you’re just screaming for attention. And that constant need to tell everyone about how “warm and fuzzy” it feels? Doubling-down in the search for contempt, aren’t we?
10. Telling People “I Was Born In The Wrong Era.”
So you’re too good for 2012? Just because your musical palette prefers Tribe Called Quest (for rap heads) or The Grateful Dead (jam band Stans) doesn’t mean shit to anyone else, but you constantly find the need to bemoan everything contemporary. Not that we’d mind seeing you jump in a time machine.
11. You Bash Trap Rap
Gucci Mane and even 2 Chainz aren’t trying to re-invent the wheel, but it puts the wind in some peoples’ sales to blast them all the same. You gotta grade dudes like that on a curve. Lines like “black diamonds, apartheid!” really need to be taken at face value.