Let’s all go James Agee and now praise famous men. Or, instead, let’s applaud quasi-notable English Premier League players like Liverpool’s Martin Skrtel and their abilities to head the ball with authoritative aplomb.
Against Manchester City on Sunday, Skrtel hit level 16 and throttled into full-“Score”-tortle mode*, as he crushed Steven Gerrard’s cross off his forehead and into the the net. On the goal, Skrtel abused two Man City defenders like a fat man uses a step stool to reach the top shelf for more Oreos: leaving them in a crumpled, robin’s egg-blue heap on the pitch. We also assumed he called their mothers whores after they miserably failed at attempting to stop him.
Alas, Liverpool still managed to piss down its leg and squandered two leads to tie 2-2 with the champions. It should be noted that, ironically, the hero of this post also presented Carlos Tevez with a gift-wrapped goal in the 80th minute. Well sh*t. You can’t catch ‘em all Martin but many thanks for the lesson in cranial execution.
Catch Skrtel’s goal and the rest of the full match highlights below.
* - I know. That might be the worst way to work a Pokémon and Squirtle reference into an EPL post ever, but f*ck it. Ever since former Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez signed Skrtel back in 2008, all I could ever think about was that small, pale blue Japanese turtle and how wonderful it would be if Martin had a soccer-playing brother to create–wait for it–the “Skrtel Squad.” Ok, I’ll stop.