This year, I swore to myself making the gym part of my weekly routine would last far beyond the third week of January where most resolutions go to die. I’ve been doing great too, but that doesn’t mean everything’s been smooth sailing either. The gym’s an interesting place to people watch mainly because of the variety of personalities there. Kevin Hart’s skit about working out – from his I’m A Grown Little Man standup – never fails to cross my mind at least once while at the local Gold’s Gym. Below are the four types of people I have literally seen every time.
For the record, one of them is not the Kobe Bryant fan who complimented me on my Zoom V sneakers, but damn near had the look of a serial killer once I answered his “so who’s your favorite player?” question. That’s another post altogether.
1. The Attention Seekers - You know these people. The one’s who scream like their giving birth when maxing out on the bench press or who make a scene every time they get off the treadmill. It’s ridiculous, really. Act like you’ve been here before.
2. Those Who Fail To Establish A Rotation - These are the ones who piss me off the most, especially when not using free weights. They see people waiting to get on the same machine, yet they insist on drinking water, checking their phone and doing God knows what else while “mentally preparing” themselves for the next set. Move and let someone else get on thus establishing an efficient rotation. It’s like they don’t realize people have things to do other than working out. Selfish jerks.
3. The One’s Who Fail To Wipe The Machines Down - I’m convinced, the same people who fail to wipe the machines off after they finish using them are the same ones with skid marks in their boxers/panties/whatever. Either that or they’ll take a dump in a public restroom without lining the toilet with tissue paper.
4. The Overly Aggressive Tweeter - You know these people. The ones who Twitpic or Instagram every piece of machinery in the gym. They also tweet something to the extent, “Just got it in at the gym. Blew up my chest and biceps today. #GrindMode.” And it’s usually followed by seven or eight tweets about their workout regiment. One tweet is fine. Two is acceptable. Three are cool if you’re saying something funny. No one needs to know your entire workout though, bro. Get a diary.
Unbeknownst to the many members of the American public, there’s rules to operating in the gym and these four provide simply an introduction to the manual. Kevin Hart’s take on the gym and the “peculiar” people who take advantage of its faculties is below. Take this information and teach someone. It’s our only hope.