Yesterday, 39-year-old Brazilian soccer legend Roberto Carlos announced his retirement, hanging up the boots on a career that stretched over three decades and three continents. Carlos started his professional career in Brazil with Palmeiras before jumping to Inter Milan and then Real Madrid in 1996. At the Santiago Bernabeu he tallied 66 goals, won four La Liga crowns and three Champions League medals and claimed the sweetest left foot in the world in his 11 years at the club. He also won the 2002 World Cup with a loaded Brazilian side and helped man the left back position on Madrid’s infamous “Los Galácticos” squads. He eventually ended his career in Russia at Anzhi Makhachkala, where he has vowed to return as a coach.
With that being said, let’s address the obvious: who the f*ck knew that Roberto Carlos was still playing professional soccer? Anyone west of Crimea? Bueller? It’s not like he was launching these 35-meter ICBMs anymore.