This morning has been – how do the kids say – turned up (or turnt up? or turnip? *shrugs*) with hilarious news from two men that never cease to give us hilarious news. Where do we start?
First up is Ryan Leslie who hasn’t quite been the same since Cassie’s nethers sucked his soul like a cavernous Shang Tsung. Remember when he lost his laptop
full of incriminating naked pics that contained his masterpiece of an album and he went on YouTube to tell the world he’d pay $1 million for its recovery? Well, when the laptop was recovered he totally re-African-American’d on the deal. So yesterday a judge ruled that Leslie had to pay that $1 million bucks he swore he’d pay two years ago but didn’t because it turns out no one checked the “Oscar Meyer” folder so he totally dodged a bullet he thought his genius music files had been corrupted.
Sorry Les. Can’t go around acting like a milli isn’t an issue then trying to pay two percent of the ransom. Also, shout out to the New York Post for saying “hey, he’s Black and does music so let’s call him a rapper.” Good stuff, guys.
And in news that actually features a rapper, there’s Joe Budden, who reached the zenith of his emo/sensitivity/sucker status last night by kicking a lady concertgoer out of his unintentionally intimate concert for tweeting about how few people were there. Here’s what she said: “I wish this picture really captured how dead it is in here at this joe budden concert.”
Budden took offense to the tweet and allegedly demanded that the tweeter be removed from the show.
Okay, where do we start here? Let’s begin with the logistics. Those Twitter avatars are really small. Like, they’re almost impossible to make out even if you maximize them on a cell phone. Dude must have been rapping in the middle of a duck duck goose game to be able to pick someone out of a crowd. More importantly, Budden is literally inventing new ways for everyone to hate him.
Dah well, he’ll be forgiven when he posts another half-naked pic of his girlfriend. Until they break up and we get “Heartgina Pain” parts 1-14 set over a looping keyboard for 13 minutes at a time.
Can’t wait for that.